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How can we find peace in our world?

 

 

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An especially helpful and informative episode from Open to Hope, ending with a song that will touch your heart:

EPISODE 79: SPOUSE LOSS, WHAT ABOUT DATING?

Written by admin on Friday, July 1, 2016

On this show Dr’s Gloria and Heidi Horsley interview three bereaved spouses; Dr. Joanne Moore, physical therapist and author of After the Loss of a Spouse: What’s Next?, comedian Carol Scibelli author of Poor Widow Me and her partner Mickey Bayard.  They discuss among other issues coping with spouse loss and dating.  The show will close with Alan Pedersen singing “A Little Further Down the Road”.

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Even if you're not interested in dating, there's a lot to be gleaned from this, in the first half of the video that pertains to all of us.  

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This is a short video with Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley talking about humor and laughter as we grieve. Bart Sumner is their guest. 

I guess one of the things we do is take the permission to be happy away from ourselves when we are grieving.  You have to scroll down to the video with Bart Sumner since there are a number of videos in a row.  I think it's number 20 on the top left of the video showing. You have to click on the playlist on the top left corner.

 

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I am a firm believer in giving ourselves permission to laugh, be happy, smile, enjoy life!  Even if it's short lived, it helps so much!

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Oh, my goodness, I can't believe that this beautiful lady is no longer here.  A reminder on my FB page that Darcie Sims is no longer here on this earth.  I love this video.  I have learned so much from this beautiful lady on my grief journey.  "Grief is the price we pay for love." 

 

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Something to calm us as we sift through all the turmoil and sadness in our world today ~ I grieve for all the violence that is going on, nasty name calling, shouting obscenities, and downright ugliness of people as they try to make their voices heard. What happened to kindness, peace, and love for one another? What happened to the respect of each individual? What are we modeling for our children? 

Enjoy the video. It says to me that when we are born we are born beautiful and it is our choice to remain that way. So many seemed to have forgotten.

 

 

 

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From Joan Hitchens of Navigating Grief, via her newsletter of 9/7/16:

Bookmarked:
A snippet of media content on my mind. 

"Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives." 26 million views. There must be something to this! Watch for the first time or give yourself a refresher on this important life topic. I submit that numbing vulnerability may be one of the the coping skills for moving through grief. Brene Brown, TED Talk,  The Power of Vulnerability  

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I like

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 I've had her TED talk bookmarked so I can listen to her words on vulnerability.  I like when she talks about connections. I like when she talks about not being able to numb emotions. I feel the same way when I'm looking for strategies to get through life.  One of her first books I read, Daring Greatly, was the first time I started to understand vulnerability. A favorite quote of mine is: "No childhood sh*t I just need some strategies"." She is someone I can relate to. 

Thanks for the above article, Marty. 

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This is not a video but an mp3 talk. I hope it works! 

“How We Carry What Can’t Be Fixed.”

An excellent talk by Megan Devine giving us insight into unusual or out-of-order death ~ things that we don’t want to acknowledge like accidents, violent crimes, baby deaths, the younger widowed community. Listen to it here  

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I get sound but not picture, I'm not as tech savvy as you are though!

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It is only listening, Kay. It is a radio interview. I think it's good. I like a lot of what Megan has to say. 

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Oh, I thought I neglected to upgrade something on my computer! :D

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Healing Grief Videos  Hosted by Grief Expert David Kessler

Many times we want to avoid Grief, really what we are avoiding is the pain we feel from loss. Grief is an natural reaction that helps us heal that pain. Below you’ll find videos of the most frequently asked questions about healing grief. Please note they provide only General Information, as everyone’s grief is different. The information provided on this site, such as text and video is for informational purposes only. It is not to be construed as medical care or medical advice and is not a replacement for medical care or mental health care.

 
1. What Is Journaling and How Can It Help Me Grieve?   
Watch This Video  
2. Is it Healthy to Keep My Loved Ones Belongings?   
Watch This Video  
 
 
3. How To Move Past Your Grief In A Healthy Way?   
Watch This Video  
4. How Long is Considered Too Long to Grieve?   
Watch This Video  
 
 
5. How do I Fill the Gap My Loved One Has Left?   
Watch This Video  
6. Should I Take Time Off or Work Through My Grief?   
Watch This Video  
 
 
7. How Long Will It Take to Stop Grieving?   
Watch This Video  
8. Do I Need Professional Help for Grieving?   
Watch This Video  
 
 
9. Is Bereavement Counseling Right for Me?   
Watch This Video  
10. Does Everyone Grieve in the Same Way?   
Watch This Video  
 
 
11. Can I see a Counselor for Bereavement or Grief?   
Watch This Video  
12. Afterlife, Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms – CNN
Watch This Video  

healing_grief.jpg

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If you haven't already tuned into Peggy Haymes' 30-day video challenges yet it is so worth the time. The video Marty mentioned above will direct you to them if you are interested. She is so down to earth and the free videos are available after the live broadcast. Her topics vary but each one is spot on. Just saying. . .

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From Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant, authors of Option B:

Fighting Permanence 

Video: https://optionb.org/build-resilience/lessons/fighting-permanence

Transcript: One way we build resilience is by fighting permanence, which is the belief that our grief or pain will last forever. Taking steps to remind ourselves that even the most painful feelings won’t always be so intense can help us find the strength to heal.

SHERYL: I learned that one of the ways you build resilience is, you fight permanence. You have to believe that it won't be this bad forever. But you wake up every morning with that startled, oh my God, he's still gone. I'm still living this nightmare. It doesn't feel like it will ever lift, ever.

ADAM: When people face adversity, it's incredibly common for them to walk away thinking, I am depressed. I am anxious. This just feels unbearable. And it's going to feel like that forever. If you look at the evidence on this, most of those predictions turn out to be false. It's called affective forecasting.

Affective forecasting is a prediction of how we will feel in the future.

ADAM: Affective forecasting is about your ability to predict your emotional future. There are psychologists like Dan Gilbert, who have studied this. And what the data show is that people overestimate how bad it's going to be and, and how long the misery will last.

Many of us overestimate how long the grief or pain will last.

ADAM: Sheryl wrote, “I will never feel real joy again.” And I called her and I said, Sheryl, that's not true. And whether you believe me or not, if you think you will never feel real joy again, you're not going to do anything that brings you joy. And that's going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And so part of moving past permanence is changing all those times where you use always and never, into sometimes and lately.

Replace words like always and never with sometimes and lately.

SHERYL: Replacing words like always with sometimes made a really big difference. I want anything going through hardship, I want anyone going through trauma to know, it will not always feel this bad. Every story doesn't have a happy ending. It doesn't always work out, but there is light and there is happiness and there is joy. And you deserve it. No matter what happened to you, no matter what you've been through, there will be another moment you will laugh, and knowing that help builds your strength to get there.

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Good article.  I remember when I was going through a divorce following 23 years of marriage...in a small town prone to gossip, assumptions, and judgment.  It was an extremely difficult time in my life, the stress was off the chart.  Every morning I'd wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself, "It won't be like this forever."  And it wasn't.  I also had a sign above my desk that said, "Your value does not depend upon what others think of you."  Self talk helps.

Having gone through that experience helped me as I went through other hard places, such as "loss of a job".  

My life made some wonderful turns, I met and married my soulmate, the love of my life.  But when he died, knowing what I'd survived in the past did nothing to aid me.  This was uncharted territory and since his death was permanent, I assumed my grief was also.  Yes, my grief is permanent, but the one thing I didn't realize at the time was that grief evolves.  It does not stay in the same intensity.  If only I had known that at the time, had something to count on, some little glimmer of hope, but it took going through this to realize that.  That's one reason I like to let people know, who are new to grief, that it won't always stay the same, even though they'll continue to miss their partner.  Amazingly enough, we eventually adjust and learn better how to cope.  That's not something I could have foreseen, but I would like others to know that are on the beginning of this journey.

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I watched this last night and I have been pondering this and how to apply it to my life on a daily basis. 

 

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