Lightning Strikes Twice...

[ffigoni]

Feralfae,

Yes, I do meditate as it was something that was suggested by one of the other self help groups I belong to. Right now though, its very difficult to clear my mind, but Im determined to do it. I need to be able to see what my DSO and I had together was a good, very positive and loving thing and I need to be happy I was able to experience that level of love for a time. Im just not there yet.

[feralfae]

ffigoni,

Maybe for now, for a while, you can just meditate on giving yourself a lot of compassion and gentle loving care. You can work out more things and think more about things later, but for now, I think you need to be very kind and loving to your own heart. You have been through a lot, and you need gentle and tender care for yourself, I think.

It is a slow process. You are dealing with a lot. I hope you can just sit with your hurting heart and give yourself love and understanding.

Peace to you,

fae

[kayc]

That's a good place to start (as fae suggested). I found that true for myself when I was going through it.

[ffigoni]

All,

Just wanted to give you an update. Im feeling much better than I have in the past couple of months as I have started really focusing on myself. I have stopped drinking all together, lost twenty pounds, started cycling again, and go to the gym at least three times a week. Without all these things and all your help I don't know if I would have made it past early July. The problem I have now is the eroding relationship I have with my best friend who is also Alex's (my XDSO's) brother. Our relationship has not been the same since January when Alex became very hostile. Not sure If he's just trying to make us both happy or if he's withdrawing form both her and me because he knows how much pain she caused me. I guess I just need to let time sort everything out...

[kayc]

I'm sorry you feel your relationship with your friend is suffering, I'm sure he feels in a hard spot being in the middle, so to speak, and doesn't know how to handle it. I think being candid with him is best. Let him know how much you value your friendship and if he ever felt in the middle you are sorry, that you won't bring up his sister to him any more, that you understand and that the important thing to you is yours and his friendship. Please try to avoid talking about her with him, which I know will be hard at first because it's undoubtedly still looming large to you, but you'll have to find someone else to talk those things over with, with him, maybe focus on just enjoying yourselves and having a good time, making sure he feels comfortable in your presence.

Good luck to you, I know how awkward this must be!

[GuiltHaunted]

Hello ffigoni,

Perhaps you want to read up on Borderline Personality Disorder. Much of what you describe from you short and intense relationship indicates that your ex could perhaps be a sufferer.
Why does it matter, if you are no longer together? Because you will be hit much worse than an ordinary breakup. Should your research into BPD bring you to the conclusion that it resonates with what you experienced, there is a forum called www.bpdfamily.com with lots of good articles to help you find your way through the recovery.

[ffigoni]

GuiltHaunted,

Thank you so much for the post. It makes a lot of sense after reading up on BPD as I'm finding it more and more evident as time goes on that there was a lot wrong with my relationship that I never noticed. Its been eight months now since she left my life and I still have heard 0 from her and don't ever expect to. Even though I have started dating again, my XSO still lingers in my mind like no one else in my life. Perhaps our relationship was much like a shooting star, burning brightly and intensely, but quickly there is nothing left but dust...

I did here from her brother that she has become very withdrawn and irrational.

Not sure what its all about, but I just hope she finds happiness in this life.