Round Two

[texylady]

I lost my husband on April 3, 2014 three weeks after finding out that he had pancreatic cancer. Now, I find that my mom has stage II bladder cancer. I am her primary go-to person. Up until now she has been very independent, but she has never driven, so I will be taking her to her treatments. I was just starting to consider getting a job, but that will be difficult considering my commitments to my mom. I don't even know enough to know what he prognosis is, and won't see the oncologist until Tuesday. She is not one to talk about her feelings, so I am not sure how she is doing. {sigh}

[kayc]

I'm so sorry for this latest news. This is indeed a lot in such a short time. Try to remember to stay in the moment so you don't feel so overwhelmed, and also to take care of yourself.

It's possible you could be hired as her caretaker, you might want to talk to Senior Services about the resources that are available, so at least you'd have some income coming in while taking care of her. Does she have any VA benefits through your dad?

You can broach the subject and take your cue from her...maybe just let her know you'll be there for her and if she wants to talk, you're there, day or night. Sometimes when people go through something like this they may handle it differently than they had handled things before, I saw that in my MIL.

[KATPILOT]

textlady, It is not easy dealing with your own grief and then so soon dealing with another stress. I hope that in stage II that she can have a good recovery. Do think of taking care of yourself at this time. It is demanding to care give to someone while you have this other grief in the shadows but do try. Eat healthy, and rest when you can. Easy for me to say. (right). But it's true.

[enna]

I am so very sorry to hear of this added stress you will be facing after such a short time of losing your husband. I agree with Kay. It would be good to look into caregiver assistance because it could be income for you as you care for your mom.

This is such a very difficult time for you as you are still in a vulnerable position as you mourn your husband. How are you doing? Are you talking to someone? It is so important that you take care of yourself during this time.

Anne

[mfh]

I lost my husband on April 3, 2014 three weeks after finding out that he had pancreatic cancer. Now, I find that my mom has stage II bladder cancer. I am her primary go-to person. Up until now she has been very independent, but she has never driven, so I will be taking her to her treatments. I was just starting to consider getting a job, but that will be difficult considering my commitments to my mom. I don't even know enough to know what he prognosis is, and won't see the oncologist until Tuesday. She is not one to talk about her feelings, so I am not sure how she is doing. {sigh}

I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband so recently and now the threat to your mother's health. This is so much to deal with. I am glad you are here with this group of wonderful people who can walk through this with you. I suggest when you get the information about your mom's prognosis that you follow up with one or more of the suggestions made by Anne, Stephen and Kay. You might also talk to the social worker at the hospital she will use for treatments. In the meantime, try as hard as you can to take just one day at a time. You are grieving a huge loss already and now walking into another painful situation with your mother. I am so sorry. Do come here so we can support you as you do this...and try as hard as you can to take care of yourself during these stressful times.

[texylady]

When Rick was in the hospital the social workers and chaplains were a big help. I think that mother's treatment will be outpatient and I won't have that help that I will need even more now. I know that things will be clearer on Tuesday, but that seems like forever away. I feel so selfish worrying about how I will handle things, when I need to be figuring out how to help mother. I wish I could just sleep until....whenever.

[mfh]

I think it is worth a try to contact the social worker when you are at the hospital. Inpatient or outpatient - I would think they would help. Worth a try. I think worrying about how you will handle this is a normal response especially given what you have been through. Wanting to escape is also normal. Try to just live today if you can.