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Girlfriend Ended Our Relationship Two Weeks Before Her Grandma Died


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So its been about 2 1/2 months since her grandmother passed away from cancer. She ended the dating 2 weeks after prior to her grandmother passing. We had been having some issues anyways but over all things were great between us. So one day more than normal i was being put on the back burner more than normal. So naturally i got heated over this, and i called her on it. She appologised for that and had said she had too much on her plate, i tried to be understanding but i guess it wasnt enough. We talked about it and i tried to repair things, but it was too late. She said she was emotionally drained and had nothing left. Two weeks later i attended the funeral out of respect. Thats the last time we spoke. When leaving the funeral, i text saying "i love you" to which there was no reply. Later that she text me saying thank you for going to the funeral. I havent contacted since. She closed her facebook and just shut down. Am i doing the right thing by not calling her? Im here for her and she knows that, its just she hasnt once tried to call. What do you think?

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First off, I'm so sorry. What a horrible place to be. If you haven't already heard of the Depression Fallout Forum, it's helped me out tramendously! I too have through exactly what you're going through and it was the hardest thing I've ever experienced, it's worse than a death in a way. There's a lot of support there!

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It's hard to know. What have you got to lose though? Maybe she's waiting on you to show you care or make the first move. On the other hand, if she says she doesn't want contact, I'd respect her wishes. Keep it light, no relationship talk. Start small....

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Well kayc, she never actually said not to contact her again, but when a girl doesnt turn to you for help during such a hard time, doesnt that kinda imply that? For two weeks after the funeral, we didnt talk by any means, i was letting her cool down. She was close to her gma, and i too became close to her gma. Her and I used to go together and visit her gma in the hospital many times. She lives an hour north of me and her gma lived here in town where i lived. There were even a few times that i went and saw her gma without my ex gf, and we had a blast. Her gma had cancer stage 4, it was spreading everywhere fast! So two weeks before she passed away, her and I had a small fight, she was being soo cold and mean towards me on the phone, so when i told her to please to talk to me a little better, she snapped! I cannot risk contacting her, i will loose all my nc progress wont I? She has my #, so if she wanted to she could text or call me right? I dunno if thats how the female mind works? Until then i simply fell off the face of the earth, besides here. I was there every step of the way, why did i get canned after such a small petty fight?

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I don't think it's "the female mind" that you're dealing with, but perhaps "the grieving mind"...remember, there are a lot of us females that have had the same thing done to us.

If you're going NC hoping she'll notice and miss you, yes, contacting her would undo all of that. Personally, I don't think we should go NC or anything else to manipulate them into doing what we want, so much as to preserve our heart and protect us from the constant rejection, etc. I didn't see it that way at first, but with time I understood better. If you are hoping to remain friends, I would make a light contact, one that is far from demands or pressure, but you have to be so careful what you say because she can take it wrong very easily. This ultra sensitivity also is a part of the griever's mindset and they often don't even realize it. You did nothing wrong and did not cause this situation. You had every right to ask her to treat you with respect, we all deserve that. I had expressed my concern that we wouldn't see each other at all when my (now ex) fiance was taking care of his mom who was dying. My feeling was my MIL was sent home with 3 weeks to live (she had cancer throughout) and yet she lived almost three years...his mom didn't have cancer but was failing to thrive (she didn't eat much), so I figured it could go on two years or more...his response was to hang up and Fed Ex me a goodbye note. I would have been happy just coming by once a week for an hour or so but his mom refused to let me come over, no reason, she never met me and refused to. I didn't understand because I was great to her son and he was happy with me, but it was her issue, not mine...still, it affected me. He did not want to challenge her on it, but he was taking care of her 24/7 with no one to spell him! I can understand his feeling overwhelmed, and could understand if he wanted a break until his head cleared, but being sleep deprived and unable to think about anything but his mom, his answer was to snap and break up altogether. This is a very common grief response, both right before or after someone close dies.

It really doesn't have much to do with a petty fight but more to do with her state of mind at the time. She couldn't handle the most minute little thing. It could be she's afraid to make contact for fear you'll want answers, won't accept being broke up, etc. I've pretty much had to make my XF feel comfortable knowing I'm not looking to get back together, and we have been able to maintain a platonic friendship that isn't going anywhere else for four years now. I'm happy with that, perhaps that's all it ever should have been...I do not want someone as a partner that could so easily break off with me, grieving or not. Not everyone who suffers loss reacts this way. Some are better able to cope than others.

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