Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Lost My Border Terrier


mkroberts16

Recommended Posts

Marcia,

It is normal to experience different emotions all at the same time, even conflicting ones. All of them are valid responses and are just to be accepted and gone through.

I hope you have a good visit with your friends and that it helps you. Whenever I have lost a furbaby and then gotten a new one, the new one was different in personality from the old one, it helped in a way because I knew the new one was making their own place in my heart, not trying to replace the old one. I've had more dogs and cats over the years than I could count but some stand out extraordinarily, and I really feel for your grief over Bailey. Have you thought of a name for your new little boy?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 220
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Came home today from being away...I will say it was just as awful opening the door to apt as it has been

Even tho' I will be getting a new pup in about 6 weeks...tonite was awful coming home....

I still have so much guilt and emptiness it's just like it was 4 weeks ago yesterday

I have so many mixed feelings about not wanting to hurt Bailey my mind is everywhere...I miss her so and I feel so bad thinkiing about a new pup......

I know this sounds mixed up..but I guess I can;t accept Bailey is really gone...yet I need another furry friend to love and care for.

OMG..I am an intelligent human being and I can't wrap around this.........

I am sorry..I just feel so mixed up......I hate feeling so helpless

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It takes time to realize a beloved has died and it has only been 4 weeks. It takes a lot of patience also to deal with loss. We all want to be way down the road and the key is just to be where we are, to walk into the pain and to allow those feelings of helplessness. I just believe Bailey is not concerned in the least that you are getting a new puppy soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is going to take some time. Please try to be kind and understanding to yourself, your Bailey loves you and would not want you to feel so bad. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think my biggest problem is I gave Bailey human qualities and treated her as such..so this is like losing a human.

When my husband died suddenly..I could not even think of dating another man for over 5 years...because i did not want to hurt my husbands feelings.....so this is the same to me......

I am looking at pictures of the new BT boy baby, while still grieving heavily.......feeling some happy anticipation..while still being sad every time I walk into the apt.....??? yes I am confused......and all over the place................................

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It will get better, it's understandable that it feels this hard right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it is now 4 weeks and I feel very confused as to how I am supposed to be doing.....

grieving and thinking of a new pup is difficult maybe bcause I have to wait another 5 weeks.....

I almost talked myself out of a new pup last night.....'too old""" not ready........have not raised a pup in over 15 years......etc.....

I am afraid..I guess..................I hate this feeling I feel like a ship w/o a rudder....and I should know better at my age!!!!

I do know I terribly miss cuddling, holding, kissing, even talking to my sweet Bailey...worrying about her....seeing her when I come home..taking her w/ me in the car....etc.........................

I'm sorry but I feel so aimless.....................someone have some thoughts to share w/ me???? I feel awful

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you might consider forgetting the "supposed to" idea. Your feelings will shift a lot with grief. Consider letting go of the questioning and analysis. Notice your feelings but don't fuel them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ai do know that feeling. The bottom fell out of your life and you are floundering as you deal with so much. Do you have a hobby or interest. I took up watercolor and it gave me a place to express feelings and distracted me when I needed distraction. This is tough stuff loaded with uncertainty and changing feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes..I am floundering and the few friends I have do not "get it" why after 4 weeks iIstill am grieving....

I just texted a good? friend that I am becoming a new mom in about 5 weeks ( the only way for me to feel better) and she did not reply!

I want a new "love" yet I am missing a very dear companion......

people are mean...even those who say they are your friend...........................................

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry your "friend" did not respond, that seems really weird to me, but friends are sure different as far as compassion/nurturing. In a few weeks you'll have a new furry friend that you will begin to acquaint with...there will come a day when you can't imagine your life without him!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes.....you are correct........not all are compassionate but she is a parent to 5 cats..so she should understand, don't you think?

I am still going back & forth : grief / anticipation, guilt / worry, missing Bailey terribly and I have my doubts about if "I am up to this" new venture...but then again, I worry alot, anyway

I did buy a new puppy chew toy, a tiny harness and leash yesterday to sort of solidifiy "new puppy coming"?/ Have a short list for possible names.....oh that really makes me feel guilty.....................

Still waves of up & down

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you have to feel guilty about? When you've had a good relationship, it's understandable you'd want another, it doesn't replace them but in a way, it honors their memory and the relationship you had. If it'd been a bad experience, you wouldn't likely want another one!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very good insight..thanks..I feel guilty when I think of new pup instead of Bailey, I guess...... buying new things for him

whenever I shopped before, I was always bringing something home for Bailey.

I think the whole "put down" "put to sleep", whatever one calls it is the most shocking for me ....it was horrible making that decision. I did not see it as helping Bailey feel better....or as the vet said: "giving her a gift"....I can't wrap my mind around that yet..........................

I have a job interview tomorrow for a much better job in the area that I worked for the last 10 years...(senior healthcare) as a marketing director....I applied 1 year ago and they called me Friday ......very unexpected!

So again..my head / heart all over the place........................

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been in grief many times in my lifetime...(husband, Mom, best friend, and 5 very good doggie companions but this one is really stopping me....I guess because I am so much older..and have NO support group / close friends / significant other / family

really shining the light on how alone I am now.....OMG scary.....talk about stark reality

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bailey was your companion, it's bound to hit you hard. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but I know that won't stop you from feeling it. Feelings don't have to be logical, they just are.

Good luck with the job interview! Let us know how it goes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes....I am hard on myself.....but I am the one who made THE decision and that is what I am having trouble with

I just don't feel: "putting a pet down" is a gift to them....????????????? how can killing be a gift???

Today is 5 weeks and I still look for her in the kitchen..esp upon awakening and coming home

I still see her in the kitchen........where she was for the last few months of her time

Job interview went very well if they call me back..it will be 3 more interviews

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish you the best with the job!

Putting a pet down can be relieving them from pain and suffering so in that sense, it can be a gift. Whenever I have had to make the decision to put a dog or cat down, the determiner was 1) Do they still have quality of life left? 2) Are they suffering? 3) Is their pain and suffering outweighing their quality of life? 4) Am I hanging onto them because it's what I want or am I willing to let them go because it is in their best interest? Those question help me make my decision about when it is time. When my Lucky started crying during the night, I knew it was time. She'd been incontinent for the last two years of her life but I didn't want to put her down because it was inconvenient to clean up after her, she still had quality of life. Little by little her arthritis worsened, she had a harder time seeing and hearing, she wasn't smiling much, and then when she started crying during the night, I just knew. I could have kept her alive longer but to her detriment, I didn't want to do that. I felt, by so doing, I was relieving her of impending suffering. We will be together again and she will be happy and whole when at last we meet again, at least I know she is free of pain meanwhile.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your kind thoughts....and understanding compassion.

I am still so "all over the place" about another loss in my life....and when a sudden accident takes a loved ones life, that's one horror, but to actually make the decision to take a life....that is a marked different horror. I guess I am tryng to clarify the two in my mind and not doing very well. I don't know but I have had to make such a decision 3 other times in my life and this one is by far the most horrific.....making me grieve the most , feeling the most remote....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Marcia, my dear, the guilt you are carrying for the difficult decision you made will eat you alive unless and until you find a way to come to terms with it. Have you done any reading about guilt and regret? If not, I invite you to see the following (including the links you'll find attached to the articles):

Pet Loss: Is It A Different Kind of Grief?

Losing a Cherished Pet: Common Myths and Misconceptions

Guilt In The Wake Of The Euthanasia Decision

Radio Interview: Is Pet Loss A Different Grief?

Radio Interview: Pet Loss, Grief and Guilt

Guilt and Regret in Grief

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Marty. I will most definitely read from your list. The guilt is very heavy in my heart. I have not been able to resolve it these past 5 weeks. It's like I took Bailey's life. I doubt I will comfortable w/ a new furbaby unless I have some peace over this before he comes into my life in a few weeks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I met my new "man" tonight with my breeder same breeder as Bailey and guess what she told me about another couple getting a boy from this litter, who is a sibling of Bailey's from Bailey's litter 16 years ago who just lost him also, and they are getting a new boy along w/ me from this same litter,

OMG I still have to get passed this guilt I have but what a small world....

I am still trying to cope w/ guilt. of "the decision"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that was a sign meant to assure you. :) What are the odds!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...