What Grief Feels Like To Me...

[Donnacas]

Grief is like standing on a beach. It doesn't matter how many people are on it with you. They're all laughing and carrying on with their lives, and even if they came there with you, they're still up on the sand living while you're down at the water's edge alone and the tide is like your sadness and pain rolling in.

Sometimes the water comes in gently, like little waves lapping around your feet and even though each one makes you sink deeper and deeper, no one really notices because you can still stand. You can still function and get through all the things in the day you have to. You might even laugh or smile. But all the time you just keep on sinking.

Sometimes the tide will surprise you with a wave though. Out of nowhere that great big ocean of pain will roll in a 20 footer of despair and knock you down and pull you under. It sucks you away from the shore and deeper and deeper and you can't breathe in anything but hopelessness and hurt. All you can do then is panic and try to swim up to the light but sometimes you find yourself so deep you can't even see light.

Sometimes you remember your responsibilities to other loved ones and you do find the light and break the surface. Sometimes someone will notice your struggles and swim out and pull you up. They tell you what a strong swimmer you are and a sure you that you can make it back to shore and tell you they are right there swimming beside you.

And sometimes it's hard to be grateful for that, even though you appreciate that they care, even when you know you should be, because you wonder if all you really want to do is just go ahead and drown...

[kayc]

Captures the emotions aptly...

[feralfae]

Donnacas,

I can actually say, "I know just how you feel."

You have perfectly captured the way we have all felt when what our Mary calls the "tsunami of grief" does overwhelm us. I remember those so very well. And yes, something pulls us back up to the light, and each day, we find another tiny reason to stay here, until we begin to swim stronger, and notice a seagull, hovering, encouraging, and accompanying us back to the shore. These days, I get hit with the fast 7-footer waves, but I am higher up on the shore as well. Not many tsunamis, thank goodness!

There are lots of seagulls around here, thank goodness!

Thank you for that deeply insightful and heartfelt description of early grief. Powerful.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Queeniemary]

Donnacus, this is exactly how grief treats us, especially in the early stages. You said it perfectly. Gradually it does get a little better, and you don't feel as often that you are sinking, but it does take way longer than I had ever expected it to take.

QMary

[kayc]

Interesting this topic now...last night I had one of those meltdowns, it'd been a while, but it was full blown. I told George I miss everything about him but I mostly miss his holding me. I just sobbed. I remembered how it felt on our wedding day when she pronounced us man and wife, and the look on his face, I will treasure that always.

[Wifflesnook]

Donnacas

That is a very insightful description of grief. Like the others I can relate to it fully. Jan