kayc Posted February 7, 2015 Report Share Posted February 7, 2015 Shalady, it's a good thing you don't have as many maladies as me because what you do have is way harder than you should have to endure! I am glad you have good friends, it seems mine always move away, one of the hazards of living in a small town/country setting. I think until the day we draw our last breath, we are going to miss having our husbands at our side, there is nothing to replace that, but having friends does help. I'm sorry therapy doesn't work for you and you have so much pain. I feel I have nothing to complain about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2015 Yes, having good friends near is wonderful. I don't know how I would do anything right now. I too will miss my husband until I die. I hope your weather doesn't get too bad. I know it must be worrisome. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 I went for my first shot this morning, an epidural steroid in my spine. It was uncomfortable but not as terrible as I imagined. I still have pain but it is definitely not as severe as it was. I could barely walk this morning and it is so much easier now. Two more rounds of shots to go, I am more hopeful now. Hooray!!! Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 11, 2015 Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm so glad you're getting some relief! Hopefully the other shots will do the trick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Thank you Kay. Day after the shot and still getting relief. I am not dancing a jig yet but very happy with results so far. It is funny how we take simple things for granted, like just being able to take a walk. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Dear Shalady,I am so glad to hear that the shot is already giving you some relief. Yes, it is easy to take our bodies and our health for granted when we are enjoying it. I hope you have some friends close by to help you celebrate when you are ready. Congratulations on feeling better!*<twinkles>*fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 I think there are a lot of us here that are mindful of our health as we've been through some challenges these last couple of years. I hadn't been aware of Marty's challenges until this week, it amazes me how much she's been through and yet lives for others. I hope you continue getting relief and all the more so as you get your new shots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Thank you Kay and Fae. Yes it is such a relief. I was worried I would need surgery. I think this is an indication I will not. I did not know about Marty's health problems but I am fairly new here. She certainly has had her share of challenges. I don't think it was as great a challenge for us when we had our spouses with us. We faced things together and helped each other so it was much easier. When we are alone and grieving we already have so much to bear so every problem seems multiplied. Yes Fae I am lucky to have a few friends that are helping me with shopping, driving me to appointments and helping walk my dog. I will have to treat them to dinner although I think they know how grateful I am for their help. I feel much care and comfort from my friends around the fire here and am grateful as well. Thank you for the support you give all of us here. Peace and comfort to you. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elly57 Posted February 28, 2015 Report Share Posted February 28, 2015 Gosh It's 5 month on and now my thoughts have more focused on 'am I really going to have to spend the rest of my days without the love of my husband and without the love of a husband' .....this makes my heart hurt so much to be without love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 1, 2015 Report Share Posted March 1, 2015 I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelady Posted March 1, 2015 Report Share Posted March 1, 2015 Gosh It's 5 month on and now my thoughts have more focused on 'am I really going to have to spend the rest of my days without the love of my husband and without the love of a husband' .....this makes my heart hurt so much to be without love. Elly, It will be five months tomorrow, since I lost my precious Jim. I belong to a local grief support group and we all agreed that loneliness was our number one focus. I have almost come to dread the weekends, which I used to live for. I work four days during the week, so my mind is occupied and I have others with which to have a conversation. At home, I am alone, lonely and feeling mournful without the love of my life nearby. We both so loved our time together, did everything together. Now I am alone and have no one to share my life, no one with which to even share a meal. I still grieve so much for the loss of my love. Even though I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone, how could I possibly be interested in any prospects of dating or having another man in life, when I would feel like I was cheating on my Jim. I know he would want me to be happy, but I just can't bring myself to even think about the future, since I am still so very much in love with Jim, but also very lonely, none the less. Like you, my heart aches, without what once was his ever-present love, but I am powerless to do anything about it. We all share your feelings and emotions and wish we had a magic wand that could make all this suffering and pain go away, but we know that this is part of our journey, which we must travel ourselves. Grief is like a winding river, which can never be dammed, but must be traversed according to God's navigation. Let your tears flow, as it is great medicine for your sorrow! Hugs and blessings to you, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2015 I too am five months now. I still can't believe it sometimes. I try not to think about the tomorrows and just focus on today. Tuesday is Bob's birthday and Wednesday is our wedding anniversary. I don't know how I'll get through those days but somehow I think he will help me. I had my second set of epidural steroid shots a few days ago. They are settling in and improving the pain greatly. I even drove today for the first time in a long time. The doctor was much rougher this time and I let him know I didn't appreciate it. However, it was still worth it. Go again in two weeks and hope to get yet more improvement. I am resting so I don't overdo it. Its a happy day. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 1, 2015 Report Share Posted March 1, 2015 I can't help but feel we need to give ourselves time to adjust to being alone, just us, before considering entering into a relationship with someone else. We need to be whole and happy to bring to the relationship what it needs and deserves. I made the mistake of remarrying 1 1/2 years after George passed...I wasn't in a position to see clearly and made the mistake of my lifetime. I'm glad it's all behind me now, but I still wish I'd given myself more time to adjust...in the end I still had to, so I didn't save myself anything by trying to circumvent grief...or loneliness. It's been ten years I've been living alone now and I can honestly say, it's okay. I miss George and I realize more than ever, no one can fill the void he left in my life, for it's "George-shaped". I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone, I've reconciled myself to being alone, but if I ever met someone and it was right, it wouldn't be to prevent me from feeling grief or loneliness, but because I felt I couldn't live without that person. I seriously doubt that's ever going to happen! Shalady,I am glad you voices your concern to your doctor, and I applaud your being able to drive again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 I am having a couple of very tough days. My heart is yet still breaking. Yesterday was Bob's birthday and today is our anniversary. It would have been 39 years today. He is gone five months now. Today I will remember all the great times we had, all the trips we took, all the good times. I will write them down and maybe that will help my heart. I want to think back to the beginning. We had a great life and I am truly grateful for him. I will remember how much he loved me and of course how I loved him. He was such fun, so engaging. I miss his smile, his voice. He enjoyed having company. He loved people. Bob had a lot of medical issues throughout his life. He lost part of his femur bone in one leg and wore a brace. He had diabetes. In later years he walked with one crutch but he got around fine. It didn't bother him. In the last ten months of his life he had Guilian Barre Syndrone and was unable to walk. He was devastated. I did all I could to keep his spirits up. He came to terms with it and was trying so hard in therapy. I think it really took a toll on him, I know it did. One so active to be confined to wheelchair. For the most part he made the best of it. I cheered him on. I was always so proud of him for all he did. One day last September he had a stomach ache. Because it persisted his aide said he should go to the ER. They checked everything, EKG, x-rays, blood work and found nothing. They said they would keep him overnight and do a scope in the morning to check his stomach. While we were waiting for them to move him to a room he began throwing up blood. They rushed me out and did what they do, they asked me could they trach him and I said yes. Then his heart stopped, they said due to the trauma. They got it going again with heart compression but it kept stopping. They asked me what to do and I said keep trying. Then they came and got me and said they wanted me to see what was happening because they thought it was futile and like torture to him to continue. When I saw I agreed and said it was ok to stop. He wouldn't want that. We always said when it is our time it was ok for the other to let us go. So with me by his side my dear, dear sweetheart made his way to Heaven. They said he had an esophageal rupture. I still can't believe it at times. I love him so very much. So today I will remember our good life and I will talk to him. I have his loving service dog Zach with me, who I am sure misses him too, he just can 't tell me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Bob. I hope you are remembering all those wonderful memories you two have had together. What kind of dog was Zach? Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thank you Anne. Zach is a black lab. I was blessed to be able to keep him when Bob passed away. Here is a picture of Zach on his last birthday, he was four. He let us put the hat on him and he kept it on and never tried to attack the cake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Zach is beautiful. There is NO way I could sit quietly if there was cake in front of me ~ especially if it were chocolate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Arlie would have to taste it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 This is an article I found very helpful in my early grief. We will always miss those we lost to death. The entire article is worth reading. Someone I Love Has Died… “The quality and quantity of understanding support you get during your grief journey will have a major influence on your capacity to heal. You cannot—nor should you try to—do this alone. Drawing on the experiences and encouragement of friends, fellow mourners or professional counselors is not a weakness but a healthy human need. And because mourning is a process that takes place over time, this support must be available months and even years after the death of someone in your life. Unfortunately, because our society places so much value on the ability to “carry on,” “keep your chin up” and “keep busy,” many mourners are abandoned shortly after the event of the death. “It’s over and done with” and “It’s time to get on with your life” are the types of messages directed at mourners that still dominate. Obviously, these messages encourage you to deny or repress your grief rather than express it. To be truly helpful, the people in your support system must appreciate the impact this death has had on you. They must understand that in order to heal, you must be allowed—even encouraged—to mourn long after the death. And they must encourage you to see mourning not as an enemy to be vanquished but as a necessity to be experienced as a result of having loved.” ~ Dr. Alan Wolfelt http://www.centerforloss.com/who-are-you/someone-i-love-has-died/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 Dear Shalady, My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry for your loss of your Bob, and that you are hurting. I want so much to help, but can't. I can only tell you that I genuinely care. Zach is beautiful! Our Doxies, Callie and Beauregard, don't have one whit of self-discipline when it comes to food. That cake would not be so pretty for long. Warm hugs, Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2015 Today is six months since Bob passed away. I am not sure where I am with all this. I am in the midst of back problems so that is a distraction. Sometimes I feel I have forgotten he is gone, see his picture and then bolt back to reality. A reality I don't want to believe. I don't think I will fully face this until I am able to go back to NY to our home and see our life there. We lived there for over twenty five happy and fun years. We came to Florida over four years ago to help his son during health issues he was facing. We went back to NY only twice during this time. Bob's son passed away eighteen months ago, unexpectedly. Bob never really got over that, so devastating to lose a child, he was Robert, Jr. I don't know how I get through each day, but I do. I come here every day. I may not be able to post but I try so as to give support to others as much as I can. I hope each person finds the same comfort here as I do. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 12, 2015 Report Share Posted March 12, 2015 And you are in ours as well, my dear. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 12, 2015 Report Share Posted March 12, 2015 Shalady, having spent 25 years in NY, I'm sure you left many friends behind...are you still in touch with them? Perhaps you can take a visit there sometimes. I'm sorry you're having back problems. We have so many suffering physical problems as well as heart hurts. I hope your back gets better soon. I know Butch's concussion was both an "added thing to deal with"...but also a distraction. Anything that takes our mind off our grief for even a few moments seems almost welcome! But it's a two edged sword as it's also something else to deal with and the last thing needed is something else! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2015 Thank you ladies. Yes Kay, I am in touch with folks in NY. I still have a house there. Hope to get there when my back is better. Where in NY were you? There is a lot of beauty in the mountains. I miss it. I do not miss the winters, they are very hard. Yes, any distraction can be a good thing. Hope you are feeling well now. You have had your share as well. I will spend a quiet day with my beautiful Zach. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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