I Still Miss My Mom

[loocrepus]

I am 33 years old but I miss my mom, I am the father of 2 beautiful kids, but I just can't be strong enough for everyone.My kids ask me questions like where Grandmom is & I have no answer to them.MY mom was the kindest most loving person on this earth.She never ever got angry with us.She was the greatest mom in the world for me.I am so tired of being the tough guy, consoling others, I wish I was strong enough but I am not.I have so lost interest in my work, the day goes by in a daze, I run my own company, but nothing interests me any more, its almost a month since she passed away & I have never felt so helpless.I feel"whats the point"if its all destiny & since everything is preordained, what am i doing?I really dont know how to express my grief ...i miss her so much & i loved her so much.... i still feel like a baby, lost & confused

[Fiona]

HI Loo

Have you thought about taking any time out? or changing something in your routine?

I think when my mother died, I was renched out of my normal routine, and so I was unable to dwell on her death. But I don't think that was necessarily a good thing!

However a small change might be enough to help you see something different.

I can't pretend to know what to do about grief, but I know you're not alone. I also felt helpless, and like everyone was expecting me to put on a brave face. At least if I didn't, then everyone in the family would be completely lost in grief. I needed to hold it together. Since no one else seemed to be. But I'm sure if you were to just brake down for a little while, they'd understand that too.

Just give yourself some time.

I don't know how long it takes... my Mother died more than a year ago now. And I just kept straight on with my plan for life. But now I'm feeling quite lost myself. And wondering when I'll be back to normal. Or perhaps I just have to accept that something like this changes you fundamentally to your very being.

Which might not be a bad thing.

Thinking of you

Fiona

[loocrepus]

Hi Fiona,

Thank you so much for your kindness, I think the world is so full of kind and nice people, I wonder why we choose to hurt & harm.

My mother's loss has made me very philosophical & yet very confused.May a change of routine is not just a bad idea.I simply feel that I could not be strong enough for everyone else.Finally it was all an act or a facade but probably I needed to be consoled & feel so helpless.

I guess that we just dont know what to do, I feel a sense of becoming old & that too suddenly.I agree that such an event shakes up your very existance & fundamentally affects the very core of a person.I wish I had the knowledge or the words to explain or offer comfort.

But thank you for being there for me and as we walk this new path, I don't feel so alone anymore.

Thinking of you & most definitely will thank God for your support in my prayers & I will say a prayer for you , so that you may too find comfort soon.

Looc

[Fiona]

Hi Looc

I'm really glad you found some comfort in my reply. I'm feeling much better too. It's only one week since I started coming on this site and now I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. I think I was really feeling isolated. And it helps so much just to be able to email people who have been going through the same thing.

I have found the symptom of anger that other people mentioned very similar to my own. Except actually I have become helplessly insecure. My Mum was the only person in the world that made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile. She was really proud of me. Now I don't have her assurance I feel like I don't know where I'm going or if I can make any decision.

I really feel like a child in need of guidance. And I guess that's similar to what you said about feeling like a baby. How do you come to terms with that? I want to be strong, and remember her. But I don't know if it's possible. Or where to start.

But as I say emailing you and on this list is helping. So please, I hope you don't mind my thoughts.

Tell me how you've been this week?

Fiona

[Hans]

I am in the exact spot as you. Read my story in the lost a parent section. It has been four months since my mom's death and things are far from OK. I have two kids, my own business, and I too am exhausted. But I'm feeling better, but it has been with some help. If you are interested, email me and we can discuss how you are handling things and how I'm doing it. Maybe we can be a positive help for one another. It is tough to have to be the strong one, and try to deal with your grief at the same time.

[STARKISS]

HI THERE,

I AM MISSING MY MOM EVER SO MUCH, SHE PASSED AWAY APRIL 2005. I MISS HER STORIES SHE USED TO TELL ME, I MISS HER OPINIONS THAT SHE SHARED WITH ME. I MISS HER UNDERSTANDING AND JUST BEING THERE WHEN EVER I NEEDED HER. NOW SHE IS GONE AND I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO CONTINUE WITH LIFE'S DEALING CHORES WITHOUT HER. I WONDER EVERY MINUTE WHAT SHE WOULD SAY IF SHE WERE HERE WITH ME. I WAS EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER AND WE DID A LOT OF THINGS TOGETHER BUT WHAT DO I DO NOW?

[Paul S]

Starkiss:

I understand what you are going through. My Mom died just over a month ago and am dealing with family situations that don't make it any easier. (If you're interested, goto "Death of Parent" Board and see topic "Mom died/family fracturing).

I miss my Mom's presence. I still feel it sometimes, but its hard through all the negative emotional junk I have to cope with. I want to tell her something about something that's going on but realize that I can't. From everything that I've been reading about grief/bereavement, what you are feeling is normal. Not that it makes it any easier, but at least you're not going crazy.

Grief counseling is helping me immensely. I'm staring hospice later this week to see what they can offer.

Try it if you can.

[FUNNYFACE]

Joey...don't feel bad....I am 56 and miss my Mother terribly....you are never to old to need your mom..( I hope that is true as I am a Mom)....I lost mine 2 months ago and the pain is still raw....it will be really hard to make it throught the holidays but I guess we all have too....it is especially hard when you have little ones that don't truly understand. At least my family is grown and they can kind of understand....

Everyone says that it will get better and I hope for all of us it does. Don't be so hard on yourself....that is what everyone tells me.....so I will tell you the same.

Have the best Holiday Season that you can......

Funnyface

[STARKISS]

Hi it is Starkiss here again and I just want to say I thought after a year things get better. I know in my life it has not got much easier. I think of my mom everyday and I think of what life would have been like if we were still in the same house. I know that you can not go back but it is hard to go forwards after losing the two most important people in your life anyway I hope people who have lost loved ones are getting their lives back on track and that they know God loves them. Take care and God bless everyone