Cassie Posted November 2, 2014 Report Share Posted November 2, 2014 On August 17th, my mother died suddenly at 50 years old. She was not sick, and nobody saw this coming. I'm 23 years old. I have moments when I am absolutely lost. These last couple pf days, I've felt okay emotionally, but I've become sick. I've been fighting off colds for over a month, and now I've just let myself get sick. It's a strange illness, unlike anything I've felt before. I have extreme body aches and a low fever and my throat will feel like it's closing up once in a while, especially in the morning. A few minutes ago, I was crying because I miss her more now that I'm sick. I thought of all the things she would do for me, even though I never would have asked for anything. And I keep thinking about how much I just want to hug her. I know that these moments will pass and that suffering is temporary, but while I'm in the moments, crying and feeling lost, it's like there's a tornado that's engulfed me and I can barely hold on to something that keeps me from getting caught up and blown away. My mother was my absolute best friend, and there's nothing that she didn't know about me. I have lost not only my mother, but the friendship we had. The person she held me to be has died with her, and there is a hole in my life. She was biggest of many pillars holding up my life, and now that pillar has crumbled, and I'm struggling to hold those parts of my life up. I try not to dwell on the "never" and "never again" thoughts, but sometimes I can't help it. She won't see my wedding or her grandchildren or my accomplishments. I can't call her when I miss her, or hug her on Christmas, or hear her singing or whistling in the kitchen. I am hoping for ways to better handle these moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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