Wishing Our Loved One Was Here...

[kayc]

annew,

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I was isolated too when George died...my kids were grown and live in other towns, and all our friends disappeared. I was ill prepared for that, but I guess it happens a lot. Those whose friends don't disappear are fortunate! I made a close friend when he died, but a couple of days ago she moved to TX, so I don't have any close girlfriends any more. I do have a neighbor I spend time with but he can barely walk so that's limited as well.

It's been nine years for me but it seemed harder when I retired a year ago because I was no longer going to work every day. I found myself too isolated. This year I'm making changes, I am sliding into the Treasurer position at my church, and I started going to the senior site twice a week, I already go to church, so now I have someplace to go at least four days a week. I'm also involved in music ministry and have my hobby (making cards). I may start getting involved at a local arts and crafts guild. I'd always figured George and I would retire and grow old together, and it's taken quite a bit of effort to facing life with these adjustments.

I'm glad you're coming here, and Gracie too, we all need each other! I feel like a woos coming here after nine years, but this is an ongoing process and I feel like I'm just starting to get the hang of it! I don't mean to make it sound like it takes nine years, for most it probably doesn't. I think I got stuck in a rut, going to work, coming home, doing what I needed to do, and too much isolation. It's really been a process of evolution.

[Wifflesnook]

Kay, you are one of our dearest and wisest and helpful members. You are not a woos (whatever that is!). Everyone who comes to our wonderful site gets help and comfort from you. Jan

[KarenK]

I do not feel strange talking to Ron, but it always brings tears. Mostly now, I talk to him about Debbie and how very sad I am because I could not save her. He is the only one who would understand. She and my son were not terribly close due to the difference in age and the fact he was only a year old when she left here. His dad's leaving truly struck him harder than his stepsister's and that is to be expected. I can speak Ron's name without crying, but not Debbie's. That won't change any time soon.

Love,

Karen

[kayc]

Another spelling is wuss.

Coward, ineffectual.

[Wifflesnook]

Oh Karen, like Kay I am so glad you are posting. I feel so sad for you and I don't know what to say when you have lost both your Ron and your daughter Debbie. But I do know that being here is good. We all keep you in our hearts as you know. Jan

[KarenK]

Thank you Jan. Isn't it funny that although the rest of my little family is right here, you all are the ones that keep me going because you understand. My son seems to "get it", but my grandson, not at all. There is no solace in his arms. Perhaps it is because of his rough emotional childhood. I started to cry a bit this evening just remembering Debbie's last hours before she slipped over the edge mentally and how she reached for the horse on her t-shirt I held up in front of her. And then the pain, drugs and probably cancer in her brain took her away. I cannot wipe that from my mind. I can only hope she and Ron are at peace together. When I try to express my feelings to my grandson, he shuts me out. This is not new. He has shut me out for years. I do wish he would realize that, but for me, he would be on the street. His dad can take no more of him. I am not looking for a big wad of gratitude, just a little love and compassion.

Sorry, kind of got off track for this thread.

Love,

Karen

[Wifflesnook]

Karen, I'm sure Marty would say that you should say what you like on whatever thread you are on when you want to say it. It's wonderful how words tapped out on a screen can convey empathy isn't it? When we are all so far away from each other physically. We have stayed on this forum because it seems to attract people who feel the same however different their losses are. I wish your grandson could help you more. I'm very aware that people just don't 'get it' and there isn't much hope that they will change if they don't. But we do for sure. Oh my heart breaks to think of you losses. Too much.

[MartyT]

Thank you, Jan, as that is exactly what I would say.

And Karen, our hearts just ache for you. We all know that in their youth and inexperience, grandsons can be very self-absorbed. It's so hard not to take such rejection personally, and my prayer for you is that you'll find a way to look elsewhere for the empathy, compassion, understanding and support you need and deserve. One thing I know for sure: You will always find that and more right here. ♥

[kayc]

Karen, I wish you did not have your grandson there for the simple reason you don't need the extra stuff to go through. But being as he is there, I hope you'll say the things you need to say to him, whether he likes it or not. There's a certain amount of respecting you and your household he needs to do just because that's where he's living. I hope you will use us for a sounding board, we all empathize with you and know how precarious you must be feeling with two such huge losses. (((big hugs)))