Lost My Mother To Cancer...roller Coaster Ride

[Guest julzzzz]

I'm not sure what to write here or what I'm looking for. This past November (2005) my mother died from Gastric Cancer, which she battled using chemo and radiation for a year and a half. She was only 62. I feel like I'm on this roller coaster ride. The hard part is the holiday and her birthday being the day after Christmas, yes...a double whammy for her husband and 4 children left here on earth.

I guess the reason I'm here is because I'm hoping to be proactive. I want to make sure I stay mentally and physically healthy during this grief period which may last longer than I think. I want to make sure I can stay on the "roller coaster ride" safely. Some days are good, some days aren't. It tears on my heart strings. My mother and I had an amazing connection and I still think she can come back. Somehow she'll just pop up and that this isn't real. I know this is denial but I can't think any other way. I can't see the calmer waters that are apparently in my future. I hate this feeling of missing her. I don't know how to do this. I hate this angry feeling because I've never felt it before. I'm so sad that she won't be there for so many events that have yet to happen to me. I can't get over this pain in my heart. I'm able to put on a happy face sometimes, but that doesn't make the hole go away.

I don't even know what type of help I'm asking for. And how many times do I have to talk about it before it starts to get better.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.

[Bebekat]

I can see that you are in a lot of pain. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother to cancer. It's been 7 months since I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer. He was 50. It's such a horrible way to die. Where are all those cures they keep promising us?

This grief thing is such an emotional roller coaster. Some days you're fine one minute, and a basket case the next. It seems you and your mother had a great, loving relationship. I hope you find some peace in the posts on this site. For me, it sometimes helps just to read others' thoughts. For instance, here it is Christmas morning and I'm on this site. Right now, it seems the right thing to do. I don't think the pain will ever go away, but I'll learn to live with it.

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Merry Christmas Baby!!

Love ya Tom,

Always your Bebekat

[Guest Jen]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I lost my mother to cancer as well, she was only 53. I understand how you feel, and seeing her go through medical treatment after treatment probably made it even more difficult to cope when she passed away. I think that many of us have a connection with our mothers, one which we will only experience with our mothers, afterall they're the reason for why we are here. I know right now it doesn't seem as if nothing is going to change, but trust me. Although we will not love our mothers any less or forget the sacrifices they made for us as time passes, as human beings we do adapt.

For now, allow yourself to grief however it comes, even if very painful, because at some point if we haven't dealt with these things they catch up with us. I found that trying to focus on the positive moments of her life helped me cope better, because everyone around me seemed to almost characterize her life with her illness. Losing our mothers is never easy, and there is immense pain involved, but time will heal wounds. I was convinced after my mother passed that things could never be okay again. And up to a point, they never will be and that is reassuring that our mothers are such an important part of our lives. But they gave us birth in order to live our lives and fulfill our own dreams as well as their dreams. Try to keep your mother's memory close to your heart and that will make it a little bit easier to keep moving.