Time To Reach Out

[Amy Wamy]

Later this month, it will be the 6th anniversary of my Mum's passing, and over the past few years I have been toying with the idea of seeing a counsellor. A few of my friends have suggested that I do it, and earlier today I filled in a form to start the process of getting an appointment with one of the counsellors at my University. I'm thinking at the moment, that it might be a bad idea and that I really don't want to do it, but I've been told that it's the right time to do it when you don't want to.

It's a small step to understanding myself better, healing, and acceptance. I've made the decision to do it because I'm never absolutely 'okay', and I figured that now is as good a time to do it as any.

I'm curious as to what happens in a counselling session, could someone perhaps shed a little light please?

Amy

[kayc]

I rather imagine that different counselors handle things differently, but mine talked to me, asked me questions, gave me materials to read and discuss. They more or less guide you through the grief process. It is so hard to try to traverse this journey alone! They are trained to help you. It's important to know that your feelings and concerns are valid and that you are normal and so is this grief process.

Perhaps by scheduling an appt. it brought up the fear of opening the can of worms and you're hesitant to deal with it. You are doing the right thing though and I hope you'll go through with it. We can try to avoid our grief but in the end, it's still there waiting for us, we cannot escape it.

I am sorry for your loss...my mother passed away 2 1/2 months ago.

[MartyT]

Amy, my dear, it's good to know that you're considering counseling at this point in your grief journey, because it's never too late to do so. I would suggest, however, that you do your best to find a counselor who is familiar with the normal grief process, since not all counselors are trained or skilled in that aspect of counseling. See, for example, my article, Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Does It Matter?

You asked about what happens in a counseling session. As I wrote in Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You,

Unlike friendship, a professional counseling relationship offers you the opportunity to relate to a caring, supportive individual who understands the grief process, doesn’t need you to depend upon, and will allow you to grieve without interference. Within the safety and confidentiality of a therapeutic relationship, you can share your intimate thoughts, make sense of what you’re feeling and clarify your reactions. An effective bereavement counselor is knowledgeable about the mourning process, helps you feel understood, offers a witness to your experience, encourages you to move forward, fosters faith that you will survive, and offers hope that you will get through your grief successfully. (If after two or three sessions you don’t sense your counselor has a good understanding of your grief process or doesn’t seem like the person who can help you, you should feel free to try another counselor.)

Reading about other grievers' experiences in counseling will help to "shed a little light" on the process for you, Amy, and I hope some of our members who've worked with a grief counselor will respond to your post. In the meantime, you may find these articles helpful:

Voices of Experience: Delayed Grief

Giving Counselling Another Go

If It Isn't Meant to 'Cure' Grief, What Good Is Therapy?

Going to Therapy For The First Time? Here's What to Expect

[Amy Wamy]

Kayc, it is a little scary to know that the past will be relived, but that's what counselling is all about. As painful as it may be, you have to go through thm again to heal. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother as well.

Marty, I'll see how it goes when I hear back from the counselling place. They say they have counsellors who specialise in certain things - bereavement one of them. I just hope I like the counsellor.

6 years is a long time I feel, and my grief journey has been delayed. I'm not ready to face it, but when will I ever be?

[kayc]

If you don't care for your counselor, you can get another one, but maybe give it a couple of tries before deciding and if there's something in particular that bugs you about a counselor, talk to them about it, maybe they have a reason for what they say/do.

Yes, it can open old wounds, but just like our physical wounds sometimes need de-brided and cleansed, so it's true for our inner wounds in order to begin to heal.

[maria53577]

I agree with the others.. over the past few years I have seen a counselor on and off about my mom's drinking and how that, in turn affected my life. It can be eye-opening to learn some of the things and a lot of times it helps you feel 'normal' to know what your feeling is common, etc. Like you, my sister has been struggling with whether or not she should see a counselor.. I think for her too, it caused some anxiety.. I think she has that fear of having to be 'real' with herself and take a look in the mirror and face some issues.. but having a safe place to be able to talk about WHATEVER can be so healing..

It may take a few sessions to get comfortable but if you find the right counselor, it can be a good thing Good luck and keep us posted!

[Amy Wamy]

I hope it doesn't take them ages to get back to me, but when they do I'm sure the counsellor i'll see will be fine.

I've not met anyone else that is in the same situation as me - I'm not sure it's possible for someone else to have the exact same situation as anybody! Everyone I know has parents of some form, and so it would be nice to know someone who has experienced a parental death like I have. So yeah, for the counsellor to tell me how I'm feeling is fairly normal and to help me, will be great really.

I was told that before the first session I could write an introductory email so the counsellor is aware of my situation without me having to actually tell them the whole story. I'm not sure how they go about getting you to open up, but I had 2 bad experiences with counsellors nearly 6 years ago now and that has put me off going to another one.

I'll be sure to keep you posted!

[sharirouse]

Im currently in this process too so I feel the pain! I honestly never wanted to see a counselor, even before my dad passed but now I really feel like I need to. I need to dig into the pain and figure something out because I am not doing too well. Emotionally I *feel* fine but I am acting out in weird ways.

Its gonna hurt, and I think it needs to but girl, make sure you like your counselor!

[kayc]

Shari,

As we wrote on another thread, I certainly hope you make an appointment with a grief counselor today, first step!

Amy,

You haven't written much of your situation, so it's hard knowing if anyone's had a situation like yours or not. If you feel open to sharing here, this is a safe place to do so.

[Amy Wamy]

KayC, if you click can read a previous post of mine on here, which is about my situation.

Shari, it's nice to know I'm not alone with how I feel about going to see a counsellor!

[Amy Wamy]

As luck would have it, I received an email from the counselling centre yesterday saying there's an appointment available for Monday at 10am.

I haven't yet replied to confirm I can make it, and I'm very reluctant to do so. It's the first step to begin my journey, but it seems this first step is the hardest of all. My friend has said she knows I can do it, but I'm not quite sure I can.

It is a rather scary thought that on Monday I may well be sitting in a room with a counsellor - one thing that has always been awkward and uncomfortable for me. I may just put if off for a few weeks, but I know one of you will say that once you start putting it off, you'll always put it off. It's better to just do it and I'm aware of that, it's just difficult to go through with. I'm sure many of you understand that?

[kayc]

Do it. Monday morning I will be at the doctor at 10:10 am finding out what is wrong with me. I'm scared too. But I have to go. I can't deal with what I don't know.

Yes, we understand, but do it. It's the first step.

[MartyT]

Amy, my dear, I think you already know what I would say, so I don't think I need to say it again. Kay pretty much said it already: Do it. Yes, we understand, but do it. ♥

[Amy Wamy]

I couldn't do it this time. I'm waiting for another appointment that I will go to. The fact of the matter is, it won't go away so all that's left is to just go for it.

[kayc]

I hope you get in soon. Sometimes we need to "just do it" before we talk ourselves out of it. I just started a new health plan and I find that to be true for it as well...there comes a time to just make a decision with determination and follow through. Let us know how it goes!