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DebFromLodi

My Brother Passed Away Yesterday

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He was only 67 and fighting cancer since 11/08. First it was colon cancer and he had radical surgery. Then it went to his liver 2 or 3 times. His doctors got it under control every time, but infections kept happening and he ended up with so many tubes to drain the infections. Plus the original "bag." He went through chemo and radiation. Then it went to his brain, he had rads again. Then to his back and was going through more rads when he had to be hospitalized with an infection. They got that under control and he was back home. He woke up with a fever again and this time developed MRSA while in the hospital. He was there about a week and a half, then yesterday at 1:25 am he let go and passed away.

I don't know how to feel, what to feel, where to turn for help. My sister and other brother are going through a really tough time as well. I am not trying to make this about "me". I just need guidance.

I know he is out of pain and I did pray that God take him before it got so bad. I tell myself he is in Heaven with my mom and that helps, kind of. I just needed to write about it I guess. So many nice people here who are willing to help out and I thank you all in advance.

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I am so very sorry to read that your brother passed away, Deb. This is a good place to come and "talk" about our loved ones. Those who come here have a deep understanding of the pain we feel when we have lost a loved one.

You said that you "don't know how to feel, what to feel, or where to turn for help." Of course you don't. It is too early in your grief. What you do is allow whatever feelings come and know that it is your way of grieving. You have found this place and that is a start because those here are caring and we do understand. Later, you will be able to read about what grief is and sort your feelings out.

It takes work but you will not be alone ~ we are all here to support and hear you.

Anne

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This is a video about the loss of siblings. I found it very powerful having lost two sisters and one brother in my lifetime. Each loss is different and what Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley talk about provide us with just another "tool" to help us along our journeys.

On this show Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley discuss with comedian Jordon Feber and Keith Singer the impact of the loss of their siblings and how th...

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Deb,

I know how badly it hurts and you're going to miss him the rest of your life, but you did the right thing by praying he pass before it got too bad...that showed selfless love and put his needs ahead of your own need to have him here. Have you thought of writing to him and telling him how much he meant to you throughout your life...share the things that stick out in your mind of memories with him, put it in a balloon and let it go? It's a symbolic way of sending him a message and who knows but what he may be able to look over your shoulder and read it? There's so much we don't know about afterlife...it helps to have faith. I'm one that believes we don't just cease to exist but rather change form, as energy changes form but is never lost, and we'll be together again when our time comes.

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Well the viewing was last night. He was so small, lying there. He had been through so much that he did not really look like "John." I told him I love him and asked God to watch over him. Today I felt a sort of freedom, if that makes sense. It was like seeing him no longer in pain and with no bags or tubes coming out of his body gave me a sense of peace. I KNOW now that he is no longer in pain. Yes I do believe in Heaven and I DO believe he is there right now. I have always believed this, but seeing him last night made it all seem more real. It is really hard to put into words. The service this Saturday morning will probably be tough, but only on us. He is forever free.

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Deb, my dear, I thank you for sharing those thoughts with us. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to get yourself to that viewing, but your post speaks so eloquently to the benefits of your having the courage to do it. Yes, your brother is forever free, and now you are left to deal with the pain of his absence. But we are here for you, and we will walk with you, and we will support you through that pain.

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Deb, I'm glad you have your faith and the hope of seeing him again, you are courageous. I know how hard it is to view the body of the one you love. I remember viewing my husband's body and it was so plain to me that "he" wasn't there. That was only his old worn out discarded body (that I loved), but it wasn't HIM. He was free!

There will be times you do pretty well and other times when it hits all over again, but you will get through it, a day at a time. We're here for you.

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kayc: you are so right. I go along thinking how well I am doing, and it hits me that he is no longer here. And I start hurting all over again. But this is not about me, I keep telling myself that he is better off now. it is like a roller coaster ride, up and down and I cannot control these feelings.

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The one thing that helped me when I lost my husband was knowing that not only he is free from pain and suffering, but he doesn't have to be the one to experience this loss. I will take it on gladly if it means he doesn't have to.

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I am sorry, I know how hard that is, my mom's birthday just passed, the first one in my lifetime where I couldn't wish her happy birthday.

Let me say, "Happy Birthday" to you, Deb! I'm sorry birthdays come with a time of remembrance...

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