BeeMay Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hi, it's many years since I posted here, 9 in fact since i lost my mum. I've been "lucky" since then that there has only been one fairly close death. But this New Years Day, I was floored. My gorgeous niece Jess ,my sisters daughter, one of boy girl twins, 24 years, literally passed out onto the floor and died at 1.30 new years morning. My sisters only consolation is that she was with her fiance and siblings and parents,playing cards after a great night watching fireworks, and they all got to say goodbye.autopsy showed aortic aneurysm. My 3 children and her 5 and our other sisters eldest all grew up together, and although separated by distance as young adults kept in touch via facebook . My middle daughter is devastated. I had to go to her and tell her in person before she saw something on facebook. It is the hardest thing I have done in many many years. I still cry at the thought of this moment, and the moment when my sister rang me and I heard her voice,that something was very very wrong. Even as she said the words it did not compute. terribly, she had to say them again How do you go from planning a wedding to planning a funeral? It was done and it was beautiful, a sea of purple, so many people. I have not been particularly close to my sisters, only phoning occasionally and we often didn't bother at xmas. no reason, just busy with our own stuff. It was so hard to see my sister ..so... bereft, and vague and ..bloody hell, comforting others!!! my daughter and her toddle twins travelled the 1500km to her, but with soooo many people there,other family ,we stayed with a family friend. this proved to be good for Gemma,my daughter. I feel bad i didnt stay at the wake for very long, i found the noise and the people and the laughter overwhelming. My sister said it was a lovely night full of memories and now I wish I had gone back. I also didn't veiw Jess's body at the viewing and am kicking myself for this too. At the time I preferred to remember her the last time I saw her as bridesmaid for gemmas wedding I have rung my sister a few times since we got back, i want to support her however I can. I'm not sure what or how that is. I just let her talk mainly .we talk about jess, the other kids and the back to the grind stuff. I dont know how she does it, I feel jess's loss terribly as the 3 sisters kids all growing up ,were all "ours" not just each others. If it were one I gave birth to? I think I'd be in care. I agree with my sister, nothing even tastes the same, we eat because we are supposed to. there is not a lot of joy in the day to day things. my joy comes from my grandchildren, but not much else,everything else is shades of grey.feel like im just going through the motions. and now I fear, i fear this hidden thing could take any of us at any time. I couldnt bear to go through this again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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