LadyCarrie Posted February 7, 2015 Report Share Posted February 7, 2015 Today is an anniversary for me. Memories are pelting my mind, and are forcing me back to the Operating Room waiting area of Memorial Hospital at Modesto, California on 6 February 2013. It was two years ago today that my husband, Jerry, almost died during an attempted surgery to repair a 9-cm aneurysm just off his hepatic artery. The aneurysm had caused complete liver failure. Jerry was orange—not yellow—due to jaundice, and his blue, blue eyes were an odd shade of green. Jerry was in the OR two years ago, at this hour, and within a hair's breadth from death. Jerry went to surgery that day, after being asked by the anesthesiologist whether he understood that he was about to undergo “a big surgery—the biggest of surgeries—there is no bigger surgery.” I understood he was doing his job, but I wished he were less emphatic. We had already been told that Jerry’s chances to live were not good. Even so, Jerry gave me an encouraging smile as they wheeled him away. The OR nurse asked for my cell number, and said that she would keep Amberly and me informed as the surgery progressed. She did so, and gave us a few positive reports, which gave us hope, as we sat together in the waiting area praying. There was more of me in that OR with Jerry than was with Amberly in the waiting room. Before the surgery began, I told Amberly that I would need to be quiet, so I could pray and be with Jerry as much as was possible. I cannot explain how I knew that my Jerry's spirit was leaving his body, but I knew at the moment it happened. I suddenly knew that Jerry had either died, or was in dreadful trouble on the table. I told Amberly that something had gone terribly wrong with her father. She said, "Mama, you can't know that." I said, "You are right, Darling. I can't know, but I do." Within fewer than five minutes, the nurse called again. I could not take that call. The nurse told Amberly that she could give us no more information, and that she must direct us to the doctor for answers to our questions. We both knew then that Jerry was in terrible trouble, but we didn't know to what extent. The hepatic artery bypass surgery was not completed, because Jerry lost six liters of blood ("bled out"). He went into shock, but the surgery team were able to revive him. Several days later, one of Jerry's hospitalists, a Chinese man who took a special interest in Jerry, and wanted to do a study to learn why Jerry "grows" aneurysms, told me that he believed that I did know when Jerry was that near death. He said in cases of rare spousal closeness, one spouse will sometimes feel something of what the other feels (like twins?). I was so appreciative that someone could understand. A case study is being done because of the rarity of the location of Jerry’s aneurysm, the fact that fifty-two coils were inserted into this huge aneurysm (2-3 coils are usual), and the outcome of the surgery. The surgeon told me, “If he lives, I want to do a case study on him.” Jerry is still being watched|observed carefully. Jerry has been compliant with all the doctors ask of him from the beginning. He says that he will give whatever is asked of him in order to help someone in future. We are told to live one day at a time. My heart holds many conflicting emotions today—a mixture of joy and sadness; trust and fear; and hope and discouragement. How does one heart hold all of this? Tomorrow, I will feel better. I’m two years into this roller coaster ride, so I know whatever I’m feeling today, will likely be different tomorrow. Some of you know this story, or at least parts of it. Please forgive me for repeating myself. In truth, I’ll likely do it again. Thank you for being here for me. I know you have hurts of your own, and I care about your hurts also. May God hold each one tenderly. Blessings, Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now