Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I Am Devastated


jess77

Recommended Posts

Kay,

Poor little Arlie. I'm truly sorry about the tumor, and that's a bad place for it to be. Poor little guy. I know it's getting scary for you, because of his age. We used to have Great Danes (and one Doxie, of course, Heidi Hilda Hall), so I understand about big dogs and age. Arlie is your baby regardless of his size. Petuska used to try to sit in my lap (and wash my face from chin to eyeballs with one fast lick!), so I know they're just big fur babies. After we left the ranch, and moved to the mountains in 1980, we don't have the room the Great Danes require. We have only a pine house covered with shingles and rock on two sides and 2 lots now. We aren't fancy. The house sounds huge when I say it has five levels, but it's just an average size house with a multitude of stairs (giggle). We have enough room for us and the Doxies, but not for the big babies. They wouldn't be happy.

I'm trying to not push my panic button regarding Callie, but we know we are losing her. Death comes slowly (vet said a few months to two years when he diagnosed Ashely). We may have Callie several more months (too short !!). Kidney disease is too unpredictable to compare her numbers to Ashely's. Callie was diagnosed ten days after Ashely died, and her numbers were higher than Ashely's already. Some can live with high numbers, and some can't. Ashely was little and frail all of her life, so could not live.

We know that water (and diet) is the only treatment, and even the vet told us that they are miserable during treatment. They have to be attached to the wall of the cage, so they can't pull the IV out. Water helps sometimes for some dogs for a period of time (gets shorter and shorter). I let it happen to/for Ashely twice, and I regret it. I think it helped somewhat, but the vet didn't tell me until Ashely was about to die how miserable they are. She was always submissive and liked her vets before all of her painful and scary treatments. The opposite became true. She just couldn't stand any more needles, so we knew when to quit. Amberly and I were giving her water boluses at home. Ashely told us when. She begged to not have another needle stuck into her neck. We agreed that Ashly herself had just said that it was time to stop.

In retrospect, I would have done things differently. I would not have put her through so many treatments. I would just hold her, and as Jess said regarding Callie, give her snuggles. Callie's new symptoms are throwing me backward. I'll be all right. I do thank you very much for caring, and for your tender, compassionate heart.

Because I said so many things were wrong with Beauregard, I didn't mention that he's had a cyst on his right eyelid since he was quite young. Amberly asked the vet to do the "V" surgery, but the vet thought it best to not do the "complicated surgery." It became big a couple of years ago, so the vet lanced it, with good results. The little boy felt much relief. In October, when the vet was here to see Ashely, she lanced it again. Nothing came out, and it's hard, and growing. Amberly believes it's cancer, but there has been no biopsy. We really wish the vet had taken it long ago, but perhaps she knew best (??).

Hugs,

Carrie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Axil had a growth like that, that we had them test 3 times and it was benign. It started growing when he was 7 and was there when he passed. I hope Arlies is the same case. I just wonder what we are doing wrong that is making all of them sick. We even bought the expensive dog food for my guys. The breeder we bought him from was a search and rescue breeder that only breed once a year and usually for firemen, search and rescue teams etc. One of his older siblings from another litter was at 9/11. So it's not like they were over breed these people were responsible. Axil got one month to live after surgery, so i don't if you are better off trying it or not. He did have hemangiosarcoma of the blood, which apparently is horrible. Every dog is different. I guess in the end just enjoy your time with them. My other dog Chance has had issues with his back and has had #2 accidents for about a year. Well the day Axil went to the vet Chance #1 in the house and they said he had a bladder infection. They gave him meds and nothing had worked. I did homeopathic treatments, and we are still trying. But last night his hind legs were twitching horribly. I hope he is not losing all of his function in the back. We thought it was because he knew Axil was sick, and this was his nerves. We are still hoping that. I hope you all have a great day. It 30 degrees where I am and that is like a heat wave I am gonna go take Chance on a walk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jess, I hope you got your walk in. I just came back from a beautiful walk with Arlie, we even went and visited with the horses. I started out with my Down coat on but had to take it off and put it on a fence post to pick up on the way back. :) It's in the 40s right now, feels balmy, the sun's out! So much for their previous snow predictions for today, something must have changed. :)

I take a day at a time with my pets...my cat is 19 and the other one I have no idea but she's getting old too. Every day with them is a good day. I saw this morning that Mary posted that yesterday was National "Love your pet" day...I didn't know that yesterday, but EVERY day is a "Love my pet" day to me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well we got to pick up his ashes the other day and that is why I haven't been on here. I am just such a mess. It is too real now. I just miss him so much. my poor other dog is a mess,he keeps having accidents and just looks depressed. The kids are already wanting to get another dog, not to replace but I think to fill the evident hole in our hearts and home. I just miss him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Jess,

Getting ashes back is very heart-wrenching, but I felt comforted to have Ashely back with us. Feeling comforted surprised me a lot. I expected the opposite, so dreaded it. When Amberly brought her home to us, I put her beside our Catey Elizabeth on a bookcase in a little room off of our bedroom that we call Sonspot so we can see them. They're beside the doll who is the real Lady Carrie. My heart hurts for you tonight. ❤️

Jerry and Amberly's way of healing after we lost our little red Doxie, Catey Elizabeth, in 2000, was to get another one. At that time, I felt opposite, but not this time. I would love to have another baby, but we have serious health issues that prevent it. A concern of mine would be whether Callie and Beauregard would accept a new one. I really don't think they would, so we would wait. They will be fifteen soon, so they would have a difficult time. Dogs have different temperaments, so perhaps Chance wouldn't feel the hurt and jealousy our little critters would feel.

Hugs and squeezes,

Carrie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel the same way Carrie does but I know everyone is different. I could have lost my dog yesterday, very close call, (posted in loss of spouse section under furry friends thread) and it shook me up plenty, not sure my heart rate is back down yet!

It seems surreal when you get ashes back, at least that's how I felt when I got my husband's back. I held on to them for two years before scattering them in my back yard in what the kids call "our family burial plot". (My husband's ashes, two dogs, and a cat are there and I want my ashes to join them all someday).

I know you are hurting, it's very hard when the shock wears off and reality hits. Just know that we care and are so sorry for what you are feeling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my goodness! I just found your thread ( I am a little slow to learn on these sites:) that must have scared you something terrible! Chance used to run off like that, I would chase him down the street crying. I am sure the neighbors thought I was nuts. Axil ashes have found their place in my jewelry box that my grandpa who has passed away made me when I was in high school. It is a beautiful oak box, so I cleaned it out and put his ashes in there. He is in our family room, and some night back in our bedroom. I have been having good and bad days, luckily the kids make it hard to dwell on him being gone. They helped me put up some pictures with his ashes and they have all picked out cremation necklaces on ebay. my boys who are 8 and 10 were exited that they can keep a but of him for themselves, my 4 year old daughter, I might give a empty necklace too. She will have it in pieces instantly. The hardest part is when I am sad I usually go to him for comfort. my husband and family are helpful, but he was always the one. Even when he was a puppy he was. I used to help take care of my 92 year old great great aunti vi and I got him Dec 5th and brought him to visit her at her care home where she lived and all of the people there loved him. She passed away Jan 2, that year and I was lost. I had help to take care of her for most of my life, whether it was mowing the lawn when she couldn't or doing leaves, to when she developed dementia helping her clean and eat and just visiting her. He was the one how was there with me all the time. My husband worked midnight, so it was Axil and I. I know it will get better and this site has done wonders for me. I do wonder where I wo hi ld be with out it. I thank you all for listening and helping.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for sharing...yes I was scared to death when Arlie got loose right near the busy highway. ESPECIALLY since it's a highway with a lot of big trucks! And him with no street savvy. I'm glad it had a happy ending.

That's a good idea, the necklaces, I wish I'd known about them when my husband passed. I'd give anything to have a piece of him with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...