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Our circumstances seem so similar and you summed it up perfectly with the words if only....

As I sit and think I feel all the decisions we made were meant to be made for it was time for our men to leave us.

Of course as you know, it still doesn't make the pain any less.

If you ever need to talk just email me: katie@epix.net


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"They want you to go on with you life". I think what people want is for us to move away from the pain. They don't understand that the pain is part of us "left behind". I lost my husband, Gene, June 11,2005. Everything we did for 28 we did together...we planned for a future together. It's all fresh from you now Deborah..Nov. 16...the day your world changed. You will go through your journey at your own pace. You are not the same person as you were before Nov. 16. It is hard...no one knows except for those that have to live with memories...live with the emptiness. I miss the love of my life every moment. I have reached a point now that the pain is a companion I travel with. Panic attacks are just about managable. No matter what is ahead of me I take Gene with me.

Deborah, take you time, at your own pace. We all will find our way. And your love will be walking besides you always. You are not alone here at this site. Everyone who is here knows what you are going through. We listen, we cry together, we try and lift up each other, and we KNOW.

One moment at a time...with hope of peace

Always Gene!


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I agree with you so much about the pain being part of your life now. You do take it with you wherever you go. It is part of your daily life to carry this pain inside. Whatever I am doing or talking with others there is always this emptiness inside that haunts me. I never ever feel completely at ease or happy and there is always this nagging pain like a toothache or headache that you can tolerate and do you daily chores, but it just never goes away and it is a constantly reminder of what you have lost.

Maybe someday it will ease for all of us.



7/1/38 10/20/04

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I think that's true, it does become a part of us that we carry as we go. That's why we're never the same again.

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