jasonh521 Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 I Lost my 33 yr old wife Jan. 24, 2015. We had been together for almost 15 yrs and our 13 yr Anniversary is Feb. 23. We have 4 children ages 12, 4 and 3 yr old twins. I honestly can't think of a word or words to describe the level of pain, devastation and heartache I feel. I keep hearing/reading that this will get easier but I cant see how it will. I miss her so much my body physically hurts inside and out. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. She was everything to me and our children worshipped her. She was the best mom i have ever known. I am scared to death when I think about living the rest of my life without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Jason, I am so sorry, there are no words to adequately address your loss...just, I'm sorry. When my husband suddenly died, I felt devastated and frantic. It took a long time to get used to life without him physically in it, but I'm finally at peace living alone. There is, however, not a day goes by but what I don't miss him. It's been nearly ten years now. I no longer try to make sense of it, it just is. It's not possible right now for you to see how it can get any easier, you can't understand what you don't fathom, it's good to realize, though, that all of us here have been through it and trust that we do know what we're saying...we've lived it and live it still. I hope in the days that come that you will feel free to come here and express yourself, it helps to be able to do so and have your feelings validated and know there are those here that understand. Each person's journey is unique, but there are enough commonalities that we can relate to each other. It would be good to get family grief counseling. They have some great ways to help young children express and deal with their grief when they're unable to put it into words. Welcome here...this place has been a lifesaver to me and I want nothing more than to give back to others as just a small token of my appreciation. I hate to think what my world would have been had I not found this place just a couple weeks after losing my husband. He was my world, my soul mate, my best friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kacyg Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Im deeply sorry for your loss.Just know she loved you and is always with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Jason, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I know the pain and devastation you are feeling. In my case I have no small children so I deeply am sorry for them as well. I hope you have family close by to help you. You have found this place and I hope you will come here as you can and hopefully find some comfort, as I have. Everyone is here for the same reason, just as you are. I visit here all the time, sometimes to just read posts and then to post when I can. I lost my husband of 38 years this past September. I am still lost and devastated. We don't bounce back quickly from this loss of our life partner, best friend and love of our life. It takes time. Everyone says the same thing, they have been through this and they are doing better. I believe them, they are the proof, if they are making it through I will as well. It is too soon for you to think so far ahead. Someone more experienced here will help you with sound advice, I can only offer my support to you. Try to take just one day or one hour at a time. I wish you much peace and comfort. You and your family are in my prayers. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Jason, my dear, I am so very sorry for the reasons that brought you here ~ Please accept our heartfelt sympathy for the death of your wife and the mother of your children. You don't say what support you have around you in the person of family or friends, but I hope and pray that there are people in your life you can lean on. Was this death sudden and unexpected, or was your wife on a hospice service? Have you learned what bereavement resources are available to you in your community? If you don't have the time or the energy to look for such resources, this would be an excellent "assignment" for one of those relatives or friends who've offered to help in your time of need. In addition, if you continue to come here, over time we will offer you lots of information, comfort and support ~ but for now, please know that you are not alone, and we are here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Jason I am so so sad for you and I hope you can get some help even though I know that nothing will really help with the devastatimg grief you must be feeling. But as Marty says you need practical as well as emotional help and I do hope you are getting it. Please come here to share feelings. Everyone will listen with empathy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasonh521 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I do have family and friends nearby. Melissa was very healthy, very active and walked 3-4 miles/day. She was an RN and worked in a dialysis center. The only meds she took was Adderall for ADD. She had taken it for as long as Ive known her(16yrs). She was also living on the Monster Energy Drinks(3-4/day). She was at work on the 24th when at 915am she began having hot flashes. She went to the restroom and took her shirt off to try to cool off. At some point she collapsed and could not stand up. She used her arms to pull herself out of the restroom for help. As EMS arrived she began having a seizure(1st ever) then a heart attack. She died about 2 hrs later in the ER. The autopsy was inconclusive. The toxicology report showed a slightly elevated amount of adderall. So their conclusion was she died from a combination off the adderall and the energy drinks. The death cert cause of death was Respitory Depression caused by an Accidental Overdose. She was a beautiful person and my best friend that I loved dearly. In our 16 yrs together we had never been a part more than a few days here and there. God I Miss her so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Oh Jason, how horrible this must have been, and continues to be for you. I am so, so sorry. Such a tragic and traumatic loss. My heart just hurts for you and your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Jason, I am so sorry. The very name "energy drink" seems to connotate healthful, but it is not, they can be very harmful and dangerous and I wish they'd never been introduced to our society. I am fortunate to know I have high blood pressure and heart trouble runs in my family, so I avoid them like the plague, but many don't realize the danger and put themselves in harm's way without realizing. Your wife is so beautiful and I know from how you speak of her how much you and the children must miss her. There are no words adequate to convey how we feel for your loss... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted February 19, 2015 Report Share Posted February 19, 2015 Jason, so very sorry for your devastating loss. Your Melissa sounds like she was a wonderful person, as well as great wife and mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children. QMary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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