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My Husband And Best Friend Is Gone

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My husband Kermit passed away on February 20th 2015. We had been married for 21 years. We did everything together and now I am alone. I am ok one minute then sobbing the next. It seems that everything is a trigger. I am having to use medication to be able to get any sleep. I feel so alone. Like part of me has been ripped out. Now my in-laws want to have a memorial service in another state in May. I am not sure how I feel about that. But I know they need closure too. If it wasn't for my cat Sammy I would be totally alone. He is a great comfort to me. My husband and I had no children and no family lives near.

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I replied to you about the donation problem.

I am so sorry about your husband. You are adjusting to not only losing him, but your whole way of life, it affects every aspect of our being...it's mind boggling to think about. Are you feeling you don't want to travel in May or you'd rather have the service where you live? Have you had him buried or cremated? Am wondering if you have a local place to visit (grave or ashes) to "be with him". I know, their spirits are not in their bodies anymore, but it's kind of figurative, it helps us to have some rituals or something to express ourselves to them. I set up a shrine in our bedroom for a couple of years before I spread his ashes in our back yard. You will know sometime between now and May what you want to do.

I now have a dog and two cats and they are my family. I don't know what I'd do without them. I have two adult children but seldom see them as they live elsewhere and are busy with their families.

It's a lot to process and you are very early in this journey. There are many others here that are new to this site and are newly grieving also We will be honored to walk with you through this if you would like us to.

When you feel ready, perhaps you'd like to share about your husband...maybe things like how you met, what he was like, what you liked to do together, etc. I think most of us here feel like we know each other's spouses as well as each other, we've shared so much!

It helps me to be able to express what I'm feeling inside and know I'm heard and that there are others here that hear and understand.

Do you have any friends or neighbors that are there for you?

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Guest Janka

Dear brnagn53,

I´m terribly sorry for your loss!You don´t even know how much as I´m longer in the similar situation as you´re now.I´m a new member,too but not as new in the sorrow as you´re right now.I´d like to be your support whenever you need to talk to.I also lost my beloved man so suddenly that I stayed alone from morning till night,so I know how unbearable pain it is.The love between me and him is a miracle.I feel as one person with him.One part it´s him and another part it´s me,two hearts beating as one forever.When two do become one as well as we two did,the loss is really devastating,so I understand how hard it must be for you.I also have no chilfren and no close family,only best friends and one priest has been helping me as much as possible.I must stand up each time to move on,but some things don´t ever go back to where they were...I do it every day of my life because of my beloved Jan waiting for me in heaven.I´ll never stop crying for him.He is everything I´m living for every second of my life.I do visit his grave every month more than 3 years to be bringing him the most beautiful roses and I´ll always do for the rest of my life.There is all of my love in every stone...all of my tears in every lump of the ground...

My beloved Jan still does mean everything to me and will always do!

I´ve been writing my own poems from the bottom of my heart...about 30 poems just for him...Step by step I´m gonna post it on here.It brings me a comfort in my suffering.It´s like a real life-giving sap I can´t live without...like a bridge on the other side I can talk to...like a way of going on side by side forever...
I can´t live without my heart...I can´t live without my soul...

When I feel it´s unbearable,I speak to myself that I´ll never see him dying,I´ll never lose him anymore,there will be no more death...Only happiness and love lasting forever...I can´t wait to be with him again...
You can read my story on here to see what keeps me going on more than 1000 days and nights without him all alone,too.

Our beloved ones give us the signs and I believe that you´re gonna get yours,too.It takes time...I´ve been receiving the signs from my beloved Jan so far...
I love him even more each day...He is everything I have,I love,I believe in...always,forever,till eternity...

I know that one day we´ll be together again...

I´m here for you...

Hugs from Janka

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Like you, my beloved wife. Rose Anne, passed away just one month ago,on February 16th. We have no children and no recent pets. I too followed wise advice to get medicine to help me sleep. I encourage you to keep coming here where people listen, love and care. I have to learn to take care of myself each day. My wife and I are best friends... one heart beating together. I come hear to listen, learn, share and get all this stuff in my head out. We all grieve in different ways but there are still some universal truths. Find somewhere or someone who has already gone through and/or is going through what we are experiencing... the loss of our best friend, companion and lover. I pray and put one step in front of the other, and just let the feelings come and go instead of denying, thinking myself crazy, or stuff them down with some addicting behavior. Please, come here often. It helps to be with others who care and love you through this new journey of life. Shalom

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Good advice! We're all in this together, even on our separate journeys.

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  • 4 weeks later...


I am sorry for everyones loss. I am also a recent widow. I lost my husband last December. We all feel the same way, we lost a part of our body, our heart. You just have to let yourself go through the grieving process. I bought a couple of grieving books on ebay that has helped me, it helps you know that you are perfectly fine and you are going to go through certain steps of grieving. It is still definitely hard, no matter how we look at it. This is a wonderful site, as you know there are a lot of people going through the same thing. Losing a spouse is very difficult! I go a few days of being fine, then all of a sudden something triggers a thought of him and I cry for 3-4 days. We have to cry, it gets us through it.

Hugs to you all!!


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