mittam99 Posted March 28, 2015 Report Share Posted March 28, 2015 My wife Tammy has been gone just over three weeks. I know I'm very early on in my grief and the tears, the what-if's, the emptiness etc. are all to be expected. And the fact that I loved her more than I've ever loved anuone and she loved me the same make this even tougher. I am alone in my grief at home, I do have some friends I talk to on the phone who allow me to vent which is good... Unfortunately, what's left of my family (2 sisters) don't really seem to quite understand the extent of my loss. And Tammy's family has been distant and cold towards me. I haven't been able to go back to work yet. I work in a retail environment where I'm expected to "put on a happy" face for the public but I just don't think I'm up to it. I also deal with many people who know me (been there over 20 years) and I don't think I'm ready to deal with the constant "what happened?" questions. So for now I'm just trying to live with this "new life" I now have. More like "new reality", I guess. It doesn't much feel like living to me. The few times I've gone out in public, have not gone well. Opening up a new checking account at the bank felt like pure torture. I told the woman at the bank I was opening a new account because unfortunately my wife had just passed away. I thought she'd get the message to be gentle on me. Instead I got a constant sales pitch, trying to get me to purchase other items. I almost ran out of the place! There was an empty chair next to me and all I could think was "Tammy should be sitting there and all would be good". A trip to the grocery store was no better. People were smiling at me and I did my best to smile back but it felt weird. I've never had these type of issues before. Anxiety almost to the point of panic attacks simply from being out in public. It even felt odd drivng around in my car. And when I did get home I breathed a sigh of relief, until I realized Tammy wasn't upstairs. I talked to someone on the phone who told me a funny story... I got off of the phone and turned to my left to tell Tammy the story until I realized her side of the bed was empty. Bottom line, I'm not myself. I know it's to be expected. It's only been a short time. I know I will never be the same; I know my life is different but... how do I ever overcome this feeling of not being myself and the world being an uncaring, scary place? I miss my Tammy, I need her so badly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now