mittam99 Posted March 31, 2015 Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 I've had more than a few of those in the past few days. The feeling that life is futile now and I can't go on. That I don't see the point of living if it feels like this. After all, what do I have left? Tammy was the woman of my dreams and I waited my whole life for her. Seeing her battle the overwhelming illnesses she went through and seeing the way she handled things with courage and an amazing attitude, I was in awe of her. Tammy, was my world and honestly, my happiness. Since March 6th, this life doesn't have any happiness. It's pure and utter heartache. The silence is deafening. I keep replaying the things I saw on March 6th and it's like watching a tragic horror show over and over. It's unbearable. The thing is, although I don't see how I can go on, I don't want to take my own life. That's just not something I could do. I mean, I have tons of Tammy's pain pills right here if I wanted to do something and I won't. I've scheduled an appointment with a grief counselor for Thursday and I hope it helps. Although... I don't know if it will. My grief is very complicated. I wasn't just Tammy's soulmate. I was her caregiver. And I'm traumatized by some of the things I saw on March 6th. And I've never loved or felt love towards me like I did with my Tammy. My sisters don't understand what I'm going through and Tammy's family honestly doesn't seem to care (that's a whole story in itself). How much sadness, emptiness, loneliness and hopelessness can a person take? I guess I just needed to vent to people who know what I'm going through. Mitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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