Bstiarwalt Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 My name is Barb and I lost my husband of 28 years on November 13, 2014. My husband was diagnosed with esophageal and colon cancer in February of 2013. It hasn't been a full five months since his passing and I like many others here am having a hard time coping with life without him. We were together for 36 years we lived together for 8 years before we got married. Larry and I did everything together, worked on projects,rode dirt bikes together, watched movies and the same sports, we were always together when he wasn't at work. His illness hit us hard in every way it could, emotionally, financially, and physically. When he died in November I not only lost my husband, and best friend, but our home as well. With the help of some really close friends I managed to hold everything together long enough to get everything moved including myself and now I am faced at the age of 57 of starting my life over. I struggle every day with the grief and sadness of loosing my husband and best friend. I am so tired of people telling me to stop whining and move on, I could just scream. I still cry every day whenever I am reminded of him, a song on the radio, a sporting event on television or just the sight of one of his shirts hanging in the closet. I thought I was the only one who felt this way and then a friend sent me a link to your site. At least I now know I am not alone and it is not crazy or ridiculous to still be mourning his loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Welcome to the site, Barb. I lost my beloved wife Tammy on March 6th and the people of this forum have been amazingly understanding and helpful. You won't get the "get over it" or "you need to be strong" or any other such nonsense here. Losing a soulmate is a life changing, incredibly emotional and traumatic event. None of us will "get over it", it's just learning to cope and finding a way to have a meaningful life without them by our side. Please continue to post here. I think you'll find it a very good way to express your feelings in a very caring environment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Larry, Barb. Of course, it is not “crazy or ridiculous to still be mourning his loss.” It sounds like the two of you are real soulmates. How wonderful to have had so many things in common ~ dirt bike riding sounded like it was so much fun. I am sorry that you had so many challenges to deal with but glad that you had close friends to help you through it. Those friends are treasures. You will continue to have days that just tear you apart, but it will get a little bit more bearable as you do your grief work. Those who are here listen and care for each another. We don’t judge or tell others to “get over it.” Come here and share your story with us. Sending you hugs. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 No, Barb, you are not crazy, whining, or ridiculous. The anguish we all feel at losing life partners is common to us all. I am so sorry for your heartbreak and so very glad you found the site. You are never alone here and everyone just gets it. Many, many blessings for you as you go through this incomprehensible change Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Oh my dear Barb. You've lost the love of your life barely five months ago, as well as your home, your livelihood and your way of life as you've known it ~ and you worry that you're "still mourning." How in the world could you feel any other way?! You are facing the biggest challenge of your life, and you've only just begun. As you come to know and feel yourself embraced by the members of this warm and caring group, you will find that what you are experiencing is not at all crazy, ridiculous or abnormal. You will learn what is normal and therefore to be expected in grief, and you'll discover lots of different ways to manage what you are thinking and feeling. Some of it will work for you and some will not feel right at all to you, but that's okay, because you are free to take what is worth keeping and throw the rest away ~ but I promise you'll be more than relieved that you've found your way here. We extend a warm welcome to you ~ and please know that we're so sorry for the reasons that brought you here to us. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Stop whining and move on?! First of all, it's not whining to express yourself and we never "move on", this grief journey is more of an evolution, a work in progress. I am glad you found this site, there are good people here that understand what you're going through as we've been there and some still are in that "new loss" stage. Welcome here, I am very sorry for your loss. It's only been a few months, it's still pretty fresh and you have the added loss of your shared home as well. There is nothing crazy about what you're feeling! I hope you don't make the mistake I made of thinking you're responsible for his medical bills, laws vary from state to state so I hope you check into your state's laws before paying them...I remortgaged my house to pay my husband's and years later found I wouldn't have had to...now I have house payments on an old mobile home with property until I'm 80! Live and learn, I guess. Everything you are feeling is normal for the circumstances. 28 years is a long time to be together and it will take some time to learn to do life without him right next to you. One thing that was a relief to me was at first the mere thought of my husband, George, would bring immense pain, but as time went on, it brought me comfort and a smile, that's what I mean my evolution, it does change eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bstiarwalt Posted April 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2015 Thank you all for your caring and understanding, It is nice to be among others who are on the same journey as I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted April 5, 2015 Report Share Posted April 5, 2015 Hello, dear Barb, and Welcome. I'm truly sorry for your multiple losses and for your pain. I can only imagine your pain for having lost both husband/best friend and home. I'm glad you had help with the physical move. I pray you will have at least one strong and faithful friend who is physically with you who will walk this grief journey with you. Our friends tend to "split" and make themselves unavailable when we stay sad "too long." We here on the forum, although distant physically, will stay with you for as long as you need and want us. You said: "I am so tired of people telling me to stop whining and move on, I could just scream." I am struck by the absurdity of anyone suggesting/accusing you of whining or suggesting that you move on at any time, and especially at this early time of your raw, raging grief. Whoever said such a ridiculous thing has yet to suffer. I believe were I in your place, if possible, I would try to "move away" from whoever said this, and for my own peace of heart and mind, if not for theirs as well, forgive them their ignorance. As has been said, you will not find such said to you here. Each one here cares that you hurt. Blessings and hugs, Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 5, 2015 Report Share Posted April 5, 2015 Well said, dear Carrie, you never fail to warm my heart and put into words what I am feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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