Missing My Best Friend Charlie

[peterz]

Yesterday, my son and I went into the back yard to do some yard work and my wonderful Charlie came out with us as he usually does when I do work in the back yard. Some time after we started, my oldest daughter came out and asked where Charlie was. As I was tellign her that he was outside with us, I saw the backyard gate was open. All three of us immediatly started running out to find Charlie. Charlie was a fast runner and always wanted to run to the busy street 2 blocks away from home. I had built a secondary gate by the front door just becase of this.

The night before, my son had friends over and I had asked that they make sure the not to open the back yard gate. They didn't listen and I forgot to check and now my little friend is gone. I never knew I was this attached to him and the pain I feel is indescribable.

I was only seconds behind Charlie as he ran, the neighbor kids all ran out to me to let me know a dog had just run through their yard and out their fence. Seconds before I got to the steet, I heard a horn and knew the worst which was confirmed when I finally could see the street and his litle body lying in the middle. Charlie was still alive when I found him, he was still breathing but not responsive. His eyes were twitching but then they were ok again. He moved his body to lie down better but I could tell from the blood on his little mouth and his lack of response that he was hurt bad.

He was still with us as we pulled into the emergency vet but by the time I got him out of the car, he had stopped breathing. The vet attempted CPR but Charlie was gone. I don't know if he could have been saved even if he was still breathing.

I understand the stages of loss, but the understanding does not help. I want my Charlie back, I know it won't happen. He was still a baby, not even two years old. I can still hear my daughters screams when she saw me with Charlie, I feel my wifes pain when she heard the vet tell us Charlie was gone.

Charlie was the perfect companion. We had such an amazing bond. He is so loved and I miss his love for me. I miss him sitting on my lap, I miss his kisses, I miss his demand for a treat, I miss his playfulness. I just miss him so much.

Charlie was at the dog park just an hour before running and playing with his four legged friends, happy and carefree.

I am still angry with my son and his friends. I would still have my Charlie if they had not left the gate open. They are all 23 years old and not children anymore.

I know this grief will pass with time but right now I have an emptyness in my heart, my eyes are sore from all the tears and I have a deep anger because two young men were reckless with a responsibility.

Thank you for having a place for me to share my grief.

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss, Charlie is a beautiful dog and I can tell how much he meant to you. I hope in time you will be able to forgive your son his carelessness, and I hope it is a lesson to him that he'll take with him.

Your picture is beautiful. I'm just so sorry.

[peterz]

KayC,

Thank you for your kind words. I am sure when this hurts less, my anger will subside. I know my son is greiving too and I have been careful not to blame him and have made sure he can grieve and hopefully not feel the guilt.

Some friends have said focus on the good time but when I do, all I feel is emptyness and loss and I miss him and then the tears come agian. I never knew I could feel this bad. It's not as bad as yesterday but still hurts.

We all stayed home from school and work today and spent the day visiting local animal shelters. We spent some time chatting with the dogs and I think it helped a little for all of us to get out and do something.

We picked up his paw print cast the vet made and my daughters put his birth date and death date on it. When we get his ashes we will hold a memorial and I hope this helps is all move on. Putting his toys away today was way too emotional.

[MartyT]

I too am so sorry to learn of the tragic loss of your beloved Charlie, my friend. I have some understanding of how you feel, since the very same thing happened to me a few years ago. Our yard man left our gate open, my precious cockapoo Muffin escaped, and after an hours-long, agonizing search, my son found him dying in a ditch by the side of the highway, the victim of a hit and run. He took him to our vet's office, where we later had to make the decision to let him go, as there was no saving him. I was absolutely devastated, and so angry at the senselessness of it all. It took quite some time for me to acknowledge and work through my grief ~ and to forgive my yard man for his carelessness, to accept the fact that this was an accident, that accidents do happen, and that no one had intended to bring any harm to my baby.

Please allow yourself to sit with your pain and feel whatever feelings may come up for you, and know that this is a safe place where you can share them. You are with kindred spirits here, animal lovers all, who've been where you are now and who are here to offer our support.

The video embedded in this post brought me comfort after I later lost another of my cherished companions, and I hope it will do the same for you: Saying Goodbye to Beringer

See also The Legend of Rainbow Bridge ♥

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing those links, Marty. I wish there were something I could say, anything, that could lessen the pain, but I know the only thing that could do that is something that's beyond our control. I hope he didn't feel pain. I look at his sweet face and I feel for you.

[peterz]

MaryT,

Thank you so much for sharing. My wife and I just finished watching the videos and were both in tears.

Today is a little better than yesterday. The grief is still there but the soul crushing feeling of loss is a little better. I want my baby boy back and the knowlege of his loss still hurts so bad. My wife has already spoken with the parents of a few of Charlies friends and they have shared our grief, all have been so kind and helpful.

[kayc]

Do you mind if I ask what kind of dog Charlie is and how much weight? I know my next dog can't be as big as my Arlie (132 lbs) and I'm wanting to tuck away information on good dogs the right size...

[peterz]

Charlie was a Cavalier King Charles and 15 lbs.

I don't know if it is too early or not but both my wife and I separately have been browsing the web looking at Cavalier breeders. We also looked together and we felt a little joy seeing the little pupies and shared memories of our little Charlie.

We previously had a large Mastiff who weighted about 185lbs and the size difference is huge. Charlie was large enough to be big dog sized but small enough that he fit perfectly on our laps. He was perfect for playing, running, cuddling and lots of kisses. He loved everyone and everything and had enough love for a whole room. He was also spoiled.

We have already decided our next baby will be another Cavalier. We just have to figure out when we are ready. And make sure it is impossible for this type of accident to ever occur again. Double auto closing gates on all points of exit.

Also had to chat with my wife because she is having a hard time forgiving our son and his friend. I think she knows they did not leave the gate open on purpose but the hurt of our loss is too great still. She has been able to share the anger with me and has not projected it onto our son which is good.

Do you mind if I ask what kind of dog Charlie is and how much weight? I know my next dog can't be as big as my Arlie (132 lbs) and I'm wanting to tuck away information on good dogs the right size...

[Leftover]

I don't know that anyone but you (and your family) can decide when it's time to think about getting another dog. When I lost Kylie, I didn't think I'd ever be able to bring another dog home but a couple of months later, after seeing Gracie's picture on a rescue group's facebook page, I knew it was the right time for me. A month later, Gracie came to stay with me- at first as a foster, and then when I adopted her, for good. When it's time, you'll know. To be honest, the image below was on the facebook page a litle bit before the post about Gracie, and it had a lot to do with my decision. Best of wishes to you and your family, whatever you choose to do.

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing with me what Charlie's breed is. He does, indeed look Spaniel. What a beautiful dog! Self closing gates does sound like a good idea, so long as you can get one that closes quicker than a dog can escape. My dog used to be very quick at escaping, but the older he gets, the more he doesn't seem to want to exert the energy required to.

I'm sure with time it will be easier to forgive your son, perhaps when the hurt subsides some. I'm sure he's beating himself up enough for all of you. It's very hard to feel responsible for a pet's demise, and I think most of us have been there at some time or another. I had a dog that snuck into my van when I didn't know it, I closed it up and drove to work...he died from the heat inside reaching over 140, the vet said his brain burst. It's been over 20 years and still that's a tough one to live with. I kick myself for not checking the van, doing a once around, it just never occurred to me.

[peterz]

We have been so sad this last week but are starting to feel better. We have less and less sadness but still miss Charlie. As a family, we have decided that Charlie would not want us to be this sad and after speaking with so many others who have lost beloved pets, all of them have confirmed how I feel. All have said they were suffering until they brought home a new friend to love.

We picked up Charlie's ashes Thursday which was quite emotional. Last night my wife had a dream that Charlie was snuggling with her. She woke happier than normal.

In addition to the self closing gate, we are adding a few additional features to our yard. A second fence will be added that will make our yard a little smaller and the gate which leaves our yard will also be self closing but will also have a "baby" gate so even if the big gate is open, there will be additional protection. My son and I start this weekend laying out the new fence, dig post holes next week and should have it up rather quickly. This will leave a large play area that is secure and give us a smaller area to clean.

I have learned from speaking with breeders that Charlie's accident is all too common; all have had stories of either their loss or a friends that were so similar. Hearing about this has not made us miss Charlie any less but has helped us feel less alone in our sadness.

I want to thank everyone here for the kind words. Our tragic loss has been so painful but your kindness has helped more than I can put to words.

[kayc]

It must have been very poignant with getting the ashes. You are taking all precautions, so that's good. I hope you find another dog that will be a good fit for you when you are ready.