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Still Grieving But Getting A Bit Stronger

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I attended a candlelight memorial service yesterday for all those who had lost loved ones. It was through Hospice and was a very comforting service. There were members of my grief support group there and we were able to comfort a more recent widow. A woman played the harp which made me cry because the sound reminded me of my Kermit(Kim) who played the Autoharp or as some know it as a harpsicord. The song she sang while playing had all of us weeping. Then the chaplain read a beautiful poem which started the tears again. This same chaplain sang to Kim the day he passed. I told him that he had given me a gift that day with the song. A gift he probably didn't even realize he was just singing something that was special to my sweetheart. I told him that the gift he gave me was hope. At the time I was not able to open this gift of song and caring. But I have this past week. When I think of the day my best friend passed I cannot remember the thiness of my husbands body nor the death rattle which at the time was constant. But I remember the song he had sung with such feeling that I was drawn into it without realizing it. The song was "The Old Rugged Cross" and one of Kermit's favorite. I still relive that day as the day I said "See ya later" to my best friend and sweetheart. But I also remember the price my Lord and Savior had to pay for my freedom of sin. I am not trying to be preachy just sharing my thoughts and feelings.I am journaling now and it seems to help get some of my feelings out and onto paper.I still cry and will for a very long time but I can see the beginings of the dawn the faint light that preceeds the sun in my life.

I am going to make a trip to New York for a memorial for my sweetheart with his family. I am not real sure how I will take the coming back home to an empty house part of the trip, but the family deserves to have a chance to say goodbye to him too. They were not able to have any closure when thier oldest brother died a year and a half ago.New York is where we met and were married and I have a lot of old friends there to help suport me. I leave on May 13th and wil come back on May 19th. I wil be staying with a friend who lost her mother three years ago. So I will have a kindred spirit to stay with. I am still very much grieving but I can see a difference between last month and this one. Thank you for your prayers as I make this trip to honor my sweetheart.


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I hope that you have a healing trip and the ones you are going to see all help each other, and you.

I love the old rugged cross and think of my dad when I hear it. He still sings it in his church choir occassionally. Someday we can all wear a crown.

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I am glad you received the gift of this song, music can be very healing to the soul, it speaks to us deeply as nothing else can.

I'm glad you'll have a friend to stay with on your trip, I hope it's a time of healing and comfort for you.

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