Deeana Posted May 8, 2015 Report Share Posted May 8, 2015 Hello Jeffrey, I am so sorry for your loss of your wife. Yes, many of us here know the lonliness you are speaking of. All I can say is that it does eventually stop hurting as much as it is now. Not that I don't still feel it at times, and for me it is going on six years since my husband died. But I can still well remember the raw, raw hurt and emptiness I felt at one month. Hang in there, you have friends here who will support you through this. Oh, and I wanted to tell you that I too had a "shrine" (my daughter's word) to my husband in my livingroom. For about a year. It was pictures and a few items of his and a heart shaped brass container with some of his ashes in it. And I had a candle I would burn in the evenings. One of the things you will learn about your grief is that is indeed YOUR grief. You can share that grief here and there will be plenty of "listening ears". And even though it may be different for everyone, many aspects of it are similar for all of us. I came to this board when my husband died and it really, really helped me to get through it. I am back now because my mother just died. Take care of yourself, Deeana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 8, 2015 Report Share Posted May 8, 2015 I also had a "shrine", in my bedroom. A huge collage of pictures that I made right after he died...I worked feverishly on it for 17 hours to have at his funeral. I also had the dish where he tossed his things, his pocketwatch, a couple of pictures, his wallet, change, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2015 I broke down crying today because I sold Carmen's van. It's broken down and not worth fixing. I needed the money badly. I feel guilty for selling it though. I hope she understands... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted May 10, 2015 Report Share Posted May 10, 2015 Jeffrey, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious Carmen. My heart aches for you. I know those early days. I am still very much in them. Last night was 4 months since I lost my beautiful bride. Words are still very much hard to find. However, you have all the prayers I can muster up for your aching broken heart. Please keep coming here and posting. Everyone is on this journey of grief... All in different spots... But all share the same feelings. Butch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2015 Thank you everyone very much. Today is mothers day. Today is especially hard for Carmen's mother. I called her this morning to say happy mothers day. Today will be hard for Carmen's sons too. I miss her greatly. I'm going to go out today with a friend of mine for ice cream. It'll be nice to get out of the house for a while. I pray for all of you who lost someone who was a mother. Thank you for your prayers. The other day I reached out and called for information about a grief support group in my area. I think it would help me quite a bit. I just need to find a ride so I can go. It's on the 2nd and 4rth Wednesday of the month. It sounds real nice too. Please pray that I can find a ride to go to it. I'll try to be relaxed today and not stress. I hope you all have a nice mothers day today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 10, 2015 Report Share Posted May 10, 2015 Jeffrey, I'm sorry you had to sell her van. I had to sell George's car right after he died, it was very hard, cleaning it out, also his trailer. It feels kind of like losing them all over again. I'm glad you'll get out with a friend for a while. This is a really hard day. I haven't heard from my kids and it's my first Mother's Day without my mom, double whammy. I do hope you can find a ride to the grief support group, Ill pray towards that end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 12, 2015 Thank you. My son was visiting for the weekend and he went home just a couple hours ago. I'll be alone all day tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to that at all. Being alone is terrible. Today my friend took me to see the new Avengers movie. It was good to get out of the house. I hope I won't be all depressed tomorrow by myself. Maybe I'll be lucky and someone will stop over to see me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 12, 2015 Report Share Posted May 12, 2015 It takes a good while to learn to be alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 12, 2015 I've been alone all day today. It's been depressing. Tomorrow my friend Jeff is taking me to do groceries, then to an eye appointment and finally to a grief support group meeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 13, 2015 Report Share Posted May 13, 2015 I'm glad you're getting a ride there! I hope it goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2015 My son spent last night over. It's nice to have company. I just feel so alone sometimes. I see so many evil people still alive like terrorists and stuff like that. Someone like Carmen never hurt anyone is dead. It just doesn't make sense to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 20, 2015 Report Share Posted May 20, 2015 It doesn't make sense because there isn't any sense to be made of it...death has no rhyme or reason. It has nothing to do with how good or bad someone was. There's no guarantee with life. It seems very unfair, and it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 21, 2015 Report Share Posted May 21, 2015 It's so UNFAIR! I've yelled it to my windsheild, my walls, my phone, my computer, my tv, my photos of my son, and anyone within earshot.. over and over. God knows I'm mad about how unfair this is. But nothing changes no matter how mad I am at the unfairness. Yell it out Jeffrey. I did. You can too. You have my permission and recommendation. Feel it... It helped me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2015 I got very angry yesterday and just started yelling. I yelled at inanimate things, I yelled at God and I even yelled at Carmen. I am just so upset by this whole thing. This weekend is my sons birthday and I want to be able to enjoy it with him. I don't want to spoil it by being upset. Things are going lousy and they don't look like there will be any let up soon either. I just pray God hears my prayers and gives me some peace of mind. I need to calm down and get some peace of mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 23, 2015 Report Share Posted May 23, 2015 It's okay to yell (maybe not around your son) and God is big enough to take it. I hope you are able to have a good birthday celebration with your son. I know it doesn't seem like there's an end in sight, and maybe there isn't, but it won't always be this hard to go through, we get way better at it and we really do adjust to even the impossible it seems. God does hear you and I pray He grants you some peace that you are feeling so in need of right now. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2015 My son had a good birthday. I on the other hand, was sick as a dog. I'm still getting over it. Please keep me in prayer. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted May 26, 2015 Report Share Posted May 26, 2015 That we can do, Jeffrey. Get well, and feel better. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2015 Report Share Posted May 28, 2015 I got very angry yesterday and just started yelling. I yelled at inanimate things, I yelled at God and I even yelled at Carmen. I am just so upset by this whole thing. This weekend is my sons birthday and I want to be able to enjoy it with him. I don't want to spoil it by being upset. Things are going lousy and they don't look like there will be any let up soon either. I just pray God hears my prayers and gives me some peace of mind. I need to calm down and get some peace of mind. Good for you! yell all you need to. Eventually you'll finish. Promise... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2015 Today I went out with my friend. Him and I did groceries. It was nice to get out of the house. I need distractions like that in my life right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 29, 2015 Report Share Posted May 29, 2015 How are you feeling, Jeffrey, are you better now? I'm glad you got out with your friend, sometimes we need that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffrey Posted May 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 I'm doing ok I guess. I've been trying to keep busy and have plenty of visitors. I just have trouble dealing with the loneliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 31, 2015 Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 I think that's something we all have to deal with and occasionally have a difficult time with. When I'm especially having a hard time with it, I try to call someone to meet me for lunch, it helps to get out and be with someone. It was easier to be at home alone WITH our spouse than it is now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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