Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I Really Need Help To Cope With My Little Dog's Death


vicente07

Recommended Posts

Hello,
My name is Vicente Sánchez and I am here again because my beautiful little dog died last January 9 and I have been feeling terrible.
I have had many ups and downs. In the first days, the depression was terrible. I felt lost and I wanted to die. I couldn't see a way out of this situation. Then, things improved a little bit, but unfortunately, I have started to feel bad again since last Sunday, when I was desperate, disconsolate and lost. I considered killing myself because sometimes I can't find a reason for me to be here in this world without my dog.
I would like to give you an idea of my life story and the way my situation was in the first month after my dog died by sending you a copy of something I wrote in those days below:
"The last two weeks have been very hard since just when I thought I was starting to heal, I had a relapse and I have been feeling sad again since last Sunday.
This is what I wrote a few days after he died so that you can get an idea of my situation and how important my little dog was for me. He was my life:
My name is Vicente Ernesto Sánchez and I am writing from Mexico because my beautiful seven year old French Poodle died last Friday, Juanuary 9 and I feel terrible and guilty.
I really need help since I don't know how I am going to get over this situation.
I try to rescue stray dogs to then find them a happy home and I have tried to find a home for a Golden Retriever for 6 months. He has been in a pet care for months and every two days I went with my French Poodle to pick him up and take them for a walk.
That Friday, I was outside a Vet with my little French Poodle, The Golden and a little Cocker my brother rescued. Everything was ok and I have them with their own leash. Suddenly, my little dog growled at the Golden and jump over him to attack him. The golden just put his body above my dog and I separated them almost immediately. The problem is that my dog fell unconscious with his tongue outside the muzzle. The Vet tried to save him, gave him a shot, reanimated him and nothing. He died.
I feel terrible. Guyton was my best friend, my partner and my life. I feel I could have prevented this from happening and this makes me feel guilty and misserable.
My little dog was 7 years old and had lung and heart failure that made him snore, have breathing attacks and get tired easily after running. I don't know if it was a combination of all these problems and if he wasn't going to be able to live for many more years and these problems caused his heart attack. One of his ex Vets told me today that due to his health condition, his life expectancy wasn't very optimistic and that dogs like him life 40 percent less than healthy dogs. In spite of this, I just can't rest and I feel that I took 10 years of his life away from him and that I also took y dad's dog away from him since Guyton was very important to him too and he is very sad. Seeing him like this makes me feel very bad and worsens everything.
I feel terrible and I can't belive how everything seemed to have aligned to cause this tragedy. The owner of the Pet care couldn't take the Cocker to get vaccinated and this is why I took her with us that day. Then, I was about to leave the Vet's office to walk the dogs while the doctor finished bathing a cat, when I decided to come back to grab a t-shirt that I have put on The Golden Retriever for months that says Adopt me because I thought Who knows Maybe a possible adoptant shows up during this little walk. And when I came back this tragedy took place. It's unbelievable and I feel terrible and guilty.
Guyton is buried in my garden, but it is still too painful to look at his grave and stay there for a long time. It's just unbelievable. Many things just lined up for this tragedy to happen. I really don't know if this was meant to happen since there was a series of factors that make me think this. First, the rescued Golden Retriever Guyton had the little fight with, had many chances to be adopted, but in the end, the adoptions didn't take place. Sometimes because the adoprtants werent good and other times because of situations that make me feel what I just mentioned. He was about to be adopted by a family with three little girls and a boy. They went to meet him at the Pet care and they liked him. The owner of the ppet care gave me a call to tell me the family was ready to take hi with them and put the mom on the phone. I asked her to give me one more day. I told her this because I had another possible adoptant I had talked with on the phone that sounded like the perfect adoptant for him. She was the mother of a girl and a boy. He was married and thay had just moved to my city. She told me she loved dogs and that the Golden, whose name is Güero by the way, was going to sleep with her and be very spoiled. I liked this idea and the next day and took El Güero to their house so that he spent the night with the family to see if there was chemistry. The next day, I picked him up and the mom told me that her daughter's allergies had worsened that night and that the dog had growled at her boy. She wasn't upset about that, but I am sure that this was something that mae her decide not to keep the dog and the girl's nose was very red and swalllowed, so I could witness she wasn't lying. anyway, I thought: No problem, I still had the other family, so I gave the mom a call. She answeres me and tells me they had already got a puppy. I felt terrible, although there was something about the family that didn't make me feel convinced about giving el Güero to them. They had a big garden, something I liked, but the girls were very annoying and brusque and I always had the feeling that even though the mom ensured me the dog could have access to the house, he was going to end up the whole day in the Garden kind of lonely.

More weeks went by and I was worried because el Güero just couldn't gain weight. He is very slender and this was a reason why I hadn't got him neutered. Besides, I just felt bad about the idea of doing this to him. I tend to do that. The problem was that he had become a little bit more aggresive. He was very sweet when I rescued him, but there were two little dogs in the first Pet care where he stayed that bothered him a lot and I think this made his character change. As time went by, he became more intolerant towards other dogs and he got into several fights in the Pet care where he is now and where he has been for several months. In spite of this, I didn't get him neutered to see if his behavior improved because he was thin and because of my idea of not wanting to heart him.
Then, at the beginning of the year I got a new possible adoptant. A divorced mother with two girls. I went to her house to have a little interview because it is something I like to do before giving a dog in adoption and she told me she was going to go meet el Güero with her girls the following day. I told her it was ok and that I was going to be there around 1:30. She went to meet el Güero with the girls and according to the owner of the pet care and his employee. everything started great. They played with him and the dog was being nice and loving. Suddenly, the owner and the employee heard a fuss and yelling. They went out and the mom took the youngest girl away from el Güero because he put his muzzle on the girl's forehead and jammed her two of his
fangs. The mother took the episode well according to the owner and left the place. I arrived around 10 minutes after this happened because I arrived a little bit later than we had agreed. The owner and the employee told me the family was just waiting for me to take the dog with them and suddenly this event took place and made the mom changed her mind. I felt bad again and I couldn't believe how close El Güero had been again from being adopted. This reinforced my idea that there was something weird around this.
That week my brother rescued a female Cocker and took her to this Pet care. The owwner offered me on Monday to take her to the Vet to get her vaccinated, but when I arrived on Friday, the employee told me he hadn't had a chance to do it. I went three times a week with Guyton to visit el Güero and took them together for a walk always. That day, I decided to take the Cocker to in order to get her vaccinated. We arrived to the Vet and the doctor was busy bathing a cat. He told me to get back in 20 minutes. I had taken the cocker and Guyton out of the car and left El Güero inside. I noticed he was desperate for getting out of the car so I left him get out. I had the three dogs with their leash inside the Vet's store and I was on my way to a garden in front of the store to walk the dogs when I decided to get back to my car to get a t-shirt that I pu on El Güero that says: "Adopt me". I thought: I could get a possible adoptant during this little walk. Who knows. I tried to put the shirt on el Güero, but the dogs were excited, specially Guyton because he was trying to mount the cocker. I tried to put Guyton's leash under a dog's house to keep him there and it didn't work. I had the three dogs with their leash again inside the Vet's store when suddenly Guyton growls at the Golden and gets into this little fight. I separated them in a matter of 2 seconds and Guyton fell death to a heart attack. The Vet tried to save him, but he couldn't do anything. This is what is making my grieving process more difficult, painful and unbearable. The guilt and the fact that I could have put one of the dogs back in the car, left El Güero inside or tried to leash them to another thing, like a post. The guilt has been killing me and I find the whole situation even ridiculous. See all the things that happened that ended in this horrible tragedy. It's just unbelievable and it has been the story of my life in the last years. In the end, I usually end up screwed for ridiculous, unbelievable or stupid factors. I feel I killed him in certain way and that I took several years of his life away from him. And the series of events that took place before his death made me feel bad, weird, sad, guilty, stupid and pensive about something beyond my control that made this tragedy ocurred. What do you think?

I really need some advice and support because this dog was the best thing in my life. I have OCD and my life has been horrible for years and this little dog gave me moments of great happyness. My mental condition makes this tragedy tougher and I don't know what to do. This was just the last straw to complete my misserable life. I wasted my twenties since I stopped going to school regularly at the age of 19 to avoid seeing my friends and having anxiety problems. I got this idea that I couldn't talk about anything and I made it happen, which made my life misserable in the University, which I hated by the way, and in social events. I finished a law degree going to school only on Saturdays, but I didn't like this degree either and I have practically been outside a normal twenty something guy's social life all these years.
I had many dreams. I wanted to go to Canada or to a great US city like New York and have a new life with a nice job, friends, a nice appartment and a healthy state of mind. I was very interested in having a life like the one that you could see on Friends, Seinfeld and other 90s sitcoms and movies. It is my favorite decade and I idealise this decade.
I spent years regretting I couldn't turn back time to the 90s and not having been born many years earlier to live my 20's in this decade. I always thought I was going to be able to fulfill this dream. I was too trusting and put my plans off several times thinking: I am just 25, I still have a few years before turning 30. The day will come. But my personal and family problems, my disease and indecision made these dreams fade away.
My routine these years has been waking up, taking a shower, having breakfast, watching tv, eating, watching tv again, surfing the net, having dinner and going to bed. My little dog changed it a little bit because I took him for a walk every day, but it has been pretty much the same ever since I was 19. I am about to turn 30 and I have no friends, no job, no life. Never had a girlfriend. I have never been able to flirt and have a relationship. It's hard for me to talk to girls and they just seem to find me unattractive, boring and disgusting. I feel they find being next to me or touch me gross and unpleasant. My dog was the creature that cared the most about me and loved me with all my problems unconditionally. He was my best and only friend. He was my life and the one that brightened my life.
I feel lonely and I am alone despite I live with my brother and my mom. I just miss walking him, seeing him on my bed, knowing he is behind my bathroom door waiting for me to get out and take him for a walk, seeing how happy he got when he saw his necklace, hear his little bell and saw his leash. I miss him in my car because he went almost everywhere with me. He was my best friend and my life partner. And the fact of knowing these things won't happen anymore and that the life plans I had with him are death is horrible. He was going to be my only companion and now I don't know what is going to happen with my life.
I go over the tragical event over and over again and it's overwhelming and makes me feel misserable many times.
This dog was extremely special for me me because my parents separated last May and the previous years there were many fights in my house and this little dog gave us great moments of joy, hope and he even brought the family together and even delayed my parents' separation. My little Guyton reached this level of importance and power. The situation became unbearable and my parents finally split up. I was very worried for him because he was extremely attached to my dad and the fact of seeing him waiting for my dad to get home on the stairs looking at the living room window and knowing my dad was no longer come back home made me feel terrible. The first days were very tough, but fortunately my dad and I managed a way to make Guyton spend time with him and we developed a routine centered around him. Every day My dad and I met between 7 and 9pm whether in a department store, a cafe or my uncle's house to give Guyton to him so that he could spend time with my dad and continue sleeping with him just how he used to do it when my dad still lived with us, and then, my dad gave Guyton back to me in the morning and he spent the whole day with me. This is also something that I am having trouble realizing it's not part of my routine anymore and makes this tragedy harder to deal with. Everyday I got back home with Guyton in the morning and he jumped to my bed and usually kissed me. Then, I took a swower and he either waited for me outside the bathroom or on my bed. We had several customs like these and it's terrible to know this doesn't happen anymore and have to readjust my life. I took him for a walk in the morning and in the afternoon every day. He waited for me on my bed or outside my bathroom with a lot of excitement for knowing it was his walk time. Sometimes he followed me with his eyes or everywhere to let me know he wanted to go out and he was looking forward to it. He got very happy. He cried, yelled, kissed me, sneezed and jumped over me when I showed him his necklace, he heard the little bell I put on it and when he saw his leash.
I don't know what I am going to do. I hate today's world. I find it so gray, lame, superficiel, plastic, so full of technological devices I don't like and make it even more shallow and with less personality and attractive. I hate today's era. I don't fit in and I am not looking forward to the next years. Music sucks, movies suck, new generations make me feel hopeless and it's just horrible. Going abroad is no longer interesting and attractive to me because I lost the best years when I should have done it, which were between 2004 and 2012 when I was younger and still had dreams and a lot of nostalgia for the 90s. which was a great impulse to live in The US, Canada or The UK. These ambitions are gone. I don't feel like studying a Masters, looking for a great job or discovering new things anymore. I wasted my 20s in a terrible depressing way. The years that for most people are the best in life. The years where you go to college, have great experiences, have fun, relationships, when you explore and discover things, when you grow up, start working as a young adult. The years where many people live life at its fullest, go out, find their independence, their path and the girl of their dreams. I didn't have any of these things and you have no idea how sad, depressing and impotent it is to realize you will never be able to turn back time and that these years are gone for good. Now I am under medication, fluvoxamine, which makes these feelings be like asleep. It's like being sedated. I still feel them and I still know they are deep inside of me, but I am druggy enough to forget a little bit about them, something I am not comfortable with because the medicine is not curing me and will never do it, it just confuses you a little bit and you don't feel good, complete and satisfied. When I stop taking them, I usually start getting my nostalgia and regrets back fast, something that belive it or not, makes me feel good and alive. The problem is that the crisis become harder to manage. For example, I haven't taken this medicine the last days and I don't know if this was the reason why my dog's loss became even more painful this weekend. this morning I really wanted to die. I was desperate. I wanted to disconnect myself to avoid the great pain I felt.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and killing myself to go with my little dog. Sometimes I feel it's unbelievable and ridiculous that I haven't committed suicide after all the years of pain, sorrow, loneliness, deceptions, problems, mental suffering and sadness. What am I going to do? If only I could know what he is thinking, where he is and get guided by him. The death of my beautiful little Guyton was the last straw to make me go to pieces and the last element to complete a decade of horrible 20s.
Guyton is buried in my garden, but it is still too painful to look at his grave and stay there for a long time. It's just unbelievable. Many things just lined up for this tragedy to happen. I really don't know if this was meant to happen since there was a series of factors that make me think this. First, the rescued Golden Retriever Guyton had the little fight with, had many chances to be adopted, but in the end, the adoptions didn't take place. Sometimes because the adoprtants werent good and other times because of situations that make me feel what I just mentioned. He was about to be adopted by a family with three little girls and a boy. They went to meet him at the Pet care and they liked him. The owner of the ppet care gave me a call to tell me the family was ready to take hi with them and put the mom on the phone. I asked her to give me one more day. I told her this because I had another possible adoptant I had talked with on the phone that sounded like the perfect adoptant for him. She was the mother of a girl and a boy. He was married and thay had just moved to my city. She told me she loved dogs and that the Golden, whose name is Güero by the way, was going to sleep with her and be very spoiled. I liked this idea and the next day and took El Güero to their house so that he spent the night with the family to see if there was chemistry. The next day, I picked him up and the mom told me that her daughter's allergies had worsened that night and that the dog had growled at her boy. She wasn't upset about that, but I am sure that this was something that mae her decide not to keep the dog and the girl's nose was very red and swalllowed, so I could witness she wasn't lying. anyway, I thought: No problem, I still had the other family, so I gave the mom a call. She answeres me and tells me they had already got a puppy. I felt terrible, although there was something about the family that didn't make me feel convinced about giving el Güero to them. They had a big garden, something I liked, but the girls were very annoying and brusque and I always had the feeling that even though the mom ensured me the dog could have access to the house, he was going to end up the whole day in the Garden kind of lonely.
More weeks went by and I was worried because el Güero just couldn't gain weight. He is very slender and this was a reason why I hadn't got him neutered. Besides, I just felt bad about the idea of doing this to him. I tend to do that. The problem was that he had become a little bit more aggresive. He was very sweet when I rescued him, but there were two little dogs in the first Pet care where he stayed that bothered him a lot and I think this made his character change. As time went by, he became more intolerant towards other dogs and he got into several fights in the Pet care where he is now and where he has been for several months. In spite of this, I didn't get him neutered to see if his behavior improved because he was thin and because of my idea of not wanting to heart him.
Then, at the beginning of the year I got a new possible adoptant. A divorced mother with two girls. I went to her house to have a little interview because it is something I like to do before giving a dog in adoption and she told me she was going to go meet el Güero with her girls the following day. I told her it was ok and that I was going to be there around 1:30. She went to meet el Güero with the girls and according to the owner of the pet care and his employee. everything started great. They played with him and the dog was being nice and loving. Suddenly, the owner and the employee heard a fuss and yelling. They went out and the mom took the youngest girl away from el Güero because he put his muzzle on the girl's forehead and jammed her two of his
fangs. The mother took the episode well according to the owner and left the place. I arrived around 10 minutes after this happened because I arrived a little bit later than we had agreed. The owner and the employee told me the family was just waiting for me to take the dog with them and suddenly this event took place and made the mom changed her mind. I felt bad again and I couldn't believe how close El Güero had been again from being adopted. This reinforced my idea that there was something weird around this.
That week my brother rescued a female Cocker and took her to this Pet care. The owwner offered me on Monday to take her to the Vet to get her vaccinated, but when I arrived on Friday, the employee told me he hadn't had a chance to do it. I went three times a week with Guyton to visit el Güero and took them together for a walk always. That day, I decided to take the Cocker to in order to get her vaccinated. We arrived to the Vet and the doctor was busy bathing a cat. He told me to get back in 20 minutes. I had taken the cocker and Guyton out of the car and left El Güero inside. I noticed he was desperate for getting out of the car so I left him get out. I had the three dogs with their leash inside the Vet's store and I was on my way to a garden in front of the store to walk the dogs when I decided to get back to my car to get a t-shirt that I pu on El Güero that says: "Adopt me". I thought: I could get a possible adoptant during this little walk. Who knows. I tried to put the shirt on el Güero, but the dogs were excited, specially Guyton because he was trying to mount the cocker. I tried to put Guyton's leash under a dog's house to keep him there and it didn't work. I had the three dogs with their leash again inside the Vet's store when suddenly Guyton growls at the Golden and gets into this little fight. I separated them in a matter of 2 seconds and Guyton fell death to a heart attack. The Vet tried to save him, but he couldn't do anything. This is what is making my grieving process more difficult, painful and unbearable. The guilt and the fact that I could have put one of the dogs back in the car, left El Güero inside or tried to leash them to another thing, like a post. The guilt has been killing me and I find the whole situation even ridiculous. See all the things that happened that ended in this horrible tragedy. It's just unbelievable and it has been the story of my life in the last years. In the end, I usually end up screwed for ridiculous, unbelievable or stupid factors. I feel I killed him in certain way and that I took several years of his life away from him. And the series of events that took place before his death made me feel bad, weird, sad, guilty, stupid and pensive about something beyond my control that made this tragedy ocurred. What do you think?
I have been feeling very sad again lately. I thought I had found a way out of the most difficult period, but I just had a relapsed. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact I stopped taking my medicine for my mental condition for several days, if it's just something that was triggered by some memory or a moment of weakness I had or a combination of everything. I don't know what to do. I know that taking my medicine, fluvoxamine, helps me hide my sadness and makes me feel less sad, but I also know that antidepressants tend to fool your brain, hyde your emotions and mask your real feelings and state of mind, which is something I have never been very comfortable with"
This was a message I used in a forum to get help and that explains my life and the importance my dog had in my life. I really don't know what to do know. My life has no meaning and I feel many times that is unfare that I continue alive in this world and my dog died. We were a team and this is why I feel very lost sometimes. On top of that, my relationship with my family is bad and I am alone. I explain this situation in a reply I made in the same forum a few weeks after my dog died, after I had a fight with my mom, brother and uncle. This is the message:

Hello everybody,

Unfortunately, I am having a relapse triggered by a family fight I had today. As I mentioned in my first post, my relationship with my mom is not good and she is very disrispectful with my stuff and has thrown away very special things to me. Things that I really treasured. Today, I picked up a carped that my mom had removed almost a year ago. She wanted to throw it away, but the carpet was in good condition and I liked it, so I took it to a place to have it washed and storaged. Today I finally got it back home and put it behind a wall in my living room. It was well hidden and it wasn't taking too much room. My mom saw it and started acting like crazy and told me she was going to throw it away tomorrow. I got angry and she started telling me that I had my stuff all over the house, which is not true, and then mentioned that the fact I put my little dog's stuff, like his plate and little bones in the laundry room was a problem for her to. This made me get very angry and I went down the stairs because I wanted to make sure my dog's stuff were safe. suddenly, my uncle, who was at home for a visit, stood up and got between me and my mother because according to him he thought I was going to hit my mom, which is a terrible lie. He dared me to fight and I told him I was not going to accept his attitude in my house. Then he asked me to go outside and I said: OK. Let's go. Next, my brother showed up and my mom to avoid the fight. Then my brother told me he didn't want to fight because he was much heavier than me and that it was going to be easy for him. I said: Come on, let0's do it. And he refused it and said he loved me. Ever since my parents divorced he has interfered in many of my family's issues that are not concer of his and sometimes he has tried to act like the man of the house. Today was the last straw and made me lose my mind. He has brainwashed my mom several times, my mom almost always does what he tells her to do and of course, he usually takes my moms side.
All this conflict made me have a psychiological crisis and miss my little dog a lot since I feel very alone again and I have no friend and partner at home to rely on. I really didn't need this since I was starting to feel better about the loss of my beautiful Guyton, to heal, to rearrange my life without suffering too much and feel more peace.
On top of that, my Psychiatrist took the liberty to show my mom and my brother my diagnosis file after a visit my mom and my brother made to his office, which was a terrible violation to my privacy and to the confidentiality respect Mental professionals have to have. It's the most basic and important rule. Now, my mom is using this as a weapon and threatening me to send me to a mental hospital because my Psychiatrist also told her and my brother she could do that. It is just unbelievable. He betrayed me and put me in a very difficult position. Specially now that I am trying to overcome the death of my little dog and my mind is unstable. It just looks he also took my brother's and mom's side and they are their patiens not me.
Now I am missing Guyton a lot again and their loss became bigger again too. I am lost and sad again.

I am sorry for giving you so much to read and taking this liberty, but it is very important for me to give you a clear idea of what is going on in my life.
I really hope you can reply to me and thank you very much in advance for your help.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Vicente,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Guyton. Those of us who have had pets know the agony of losing one. I think it is very normal for us to experience guilt when something happens to them. Do you have a picture that you can share with us?

Your grief over the loss of your Guyton will take as long as it takes. Love can not be turned off just because we want to feel better. The pain you are experiencing now will ease but you will always have that hole and you will always miss your dog. Is there a pet grief support group in your area? Sometimes it helps to talk with others.

I believe that we are in control of ourselves and we have the ability to change. If we are not happy with the way things are we can decide to change. We cannot do anything about the past but we have today and we have our futures. It is our choice as to what we do.

Anne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Vicente, my dear, I'm so sorry that you've lost your beloved little dog who meant so much to you.

It is clear to me that you have a lot going on in your life ~ so much more than coping with the death of your companion Guyton, and all of which is complicating the grief you are experiencing in the wake of his death.

As I read your story, I am most concerned with this statement of yours:

I have been feeling very sad again lately. I thought I had found a way out of the most difficult period, but I just had a relapsed. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact I stopped taking my medicine for my mental condition for several days, if it's just something that was triggered by some memory or a moment of weakness I had or a combination of everything. I don't know what to do. I know that taking my medicine, fluvoxamine, helps me hide my sadness and makes me feel less sad, but I also know that antidepressants tend to fool your brain, hyde your emotions and mask your real feelings and state of mind, which is something I have never been very comfortable with"

I understand that you have some strong trust issues with your psychiatrist ~ and you have every right to discuss those issues with your doctor ~ but now is not the time to stop taking your medication without a doctor's supervision. Given the events you've described, it's not surprising to me that those who know you well may be afraid that you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, and that fear may be what's driving their reactions and their responses to your behavior.

In any event, your situation is far too complicated to be dealt with adequately in an online forum such as this one. You need and deserve the in-person support of a mental health professional who can assess what is going on with you and come up with a treatment plan that will work for you. If you've lost confidence in your psychiatrist, at the very least I urge you to ask him or her for a referral to another doctor, and I hope you will do so immediately.

I wish we could do more than that for you here, but I'm afraid this is the best that I can offer. Please know that this advice comes straight from my heart and stems from my genuine concern for you and your well-being. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish you all the best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've already been given a very good response from Marty. I just want to add that I'm sorry you're feeling so down and missing your dog. Sometimes when grieving it can make us feel angry or more sensitive than usual and as such, it's hard to let things roll off our back, but then more than ever we need to because we can't rely on our feelings to be a good judge of anything. The truth is, when we're grieving, sometimes we're in a fog and everything seems muddled.

I so agree with Marty's recommendations.

I wish you the best, please keep getting help. Remember, suicide is forever, and as long as you are alive you still have hope that things can be better...let go of that and you have literally nothing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello,
Thank you all very much for your reply. You were very kind.
I have seen Psychologists and relatives, but they haven't worked for me. It's hard to find people that understand how difficult losing a pet can be. I feel alone and I really don't know what I am going to do. I have been thinking about the moment my dog died and how everything happened a lot lately. I think that I should have given the Golden to adoption sooner or I should have avoided taken the three dogs for a walk together. I feel terrible and guilty. I have a great sadness and lack of hope and ambition.
On top of this, my brother has been planning to study his medical specialty in Germany for almost two years and this has triggered my anxiety, my worry and my mental condition. I just feel bad for seeing him making plans and learning a language I like and trying to move to Germany, a country I think it's very good and one of my favorites. This is just another heavy stone in my life and I am lost. I really didn't need this. Besides, The Golden Retriever hasn't got any adoptants and I feel sad everytime I think about the fact that when he gets adopted, I am no longer going to be able to walk him and see him very often. I feel he is a very strong bond that still keeps me close to my little deceased dog. I had never felt this desperate, lost, confused and disconsolate in my life. I am grieving alone because my family seems to have a nice life and they don't feel sad for my dog's death anymore. For example, I just got a phone call from my dad telling me he is going to go to the beach for 4 days. He was the other person my dog was very attached too.
I appreciate your help a lot and hope to keep in touch with you. This forum has helped me more than my relatives and other people because you understand the importance of a pet. And my pet was the main reason that kept me alive.
Regards,
Vicente
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do understand, Vicente, because nearly ten years ago my husband passed away, and over six years ago I adopted my Arlie (he was a rescue) and he is my incentive and joy in life. I know someday I will have to lose him too and I dread that day, but until that day comes, I am going to love him fully and completely and give him the best life I can here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello,

I am here one more time because I am missing Guyton a lot again and their loss became bigger again too. I am lost and sad again.
I have ups and dows. Right now, I am feeling very very bad. I just read a poem dedicated to dogs and made me feel extremely sad and lost. My dog meant so much for me that sometimes it is extremely hard for me to see light in my life and a better future. The pain and guilt can be unbearable. I have been remembering the accident where my dog died lately and I feel very bad. I just can’t believe I dared to take the three dogs for a walk. I think I should not have done this. I go over the situation and I feel my beautiful Guyton would still be with me if I had been more careful. It was just that I really didn’t see this coming. The day seemed to be so fun for the dogs and I was happy. My dog was my responsibility and I can’t believe he is gone.
I see the places in my house that he liked the most and I get anxiety, panic and sadness attacks. I am in my car and feel terrible because he is not by my side stretching his head out the window with his sweet smile. He was so happy, so pretty. He deserved to live many more years.
Now I am in dilemma because The Golden Retriever I have had in adoption since last June could get a home soon and this will mean I will no longer see him as often as I usually do. He is a kind of connection I still have with Guyton because the three of us walked together for months 3 times a week minimum before the terrible accident took place. Afyter my dog died, I continued visiting him at the pet care and I still walk him three times a week. He has become a good friend of mine and he seems to love me or at leat like me a lot. The fact of thinking about letting him go makes me feel I am going to alone now and this era will get to an end. I have great memories of him and my dog walking with me. At the same time, I feel extremely bad for having been kind of picky with people that tried to adopt himlast year because this ended up in my dog’s death. I am confused and I don’t know what to do. Many people tell me This Golden Retriever, El Güero, is a dog for me and that things happen for a reason and he was waiting for me to be his owner. On the other hand, I still feel bad about my Guyton’s death and having another dog in my house could make me feel like I am betraying my dog. When Guytin died I said to myself Guyton was going to be the only dog in my life. He was always going to be my dog. The dog that changed my life and taught me great things. My family and I weren’t dog people. Guyton came to my house after my brother’s ex girlfriend asked him to take care of him during spring break vacation and he stayed with us. She didn’t treat him very well and even lent him to medicine students to practice surgery with him.
Guyton was unique and his story makes this bond stronger and the whole grieving process harder. He also helped to cope with my parents’ divore and he was the one that followed me everywhere in the house. I went to the bathroom and I usually heard his little steps approaching to the bathroom in order to wait for me lying down outside. We watched tv together and when I went to another room he stood up and went with me. Remembering these things kills me. It is very painful.
The family that is interested in adopting El Güero seems to be a good and caring family that could give him the home he deserves, but so many things have happened that have pevented him from being adopted that makes me feel there is a reason behind this that involves me. I don’t know what to do. I was not a believer of these types of things, but my dog’s death has made me see these beliefs. I have even been thinkingh about hiring a Psychic to communicate with him because I am desperate.

I would really appreciate to know your opinion and thank you very much in advance for your help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is so very hard Vicente. I do not have answers for what you should do about El Guero, but I can tell you that you will know what to do in your heart.

Missing your Guyton is still so very new and it will take time for you to adjust to his physical absence. You will always have a special place in your heart for him.

I can hear the love you have for the Golden that you walk. Sometimes we just have to listen to our heart.

Anne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've never been to a psychic, but I can certainly see good reason in wanting to see one, especially considering all of the different aspects of your situation. It would be wonderful if a dog communicator could let your know El Guero's thinking.

Your situation is complicated because of the accident. I am a one to think that no harm was intended him, but that it was a freak accident that is very unfortunate and very sad. My son's dog attacked my dog and bit him five times, drawing blood, the last time they visited. I talked to a dog trainer friend of mine who studied pictures of their interaction and body language and he said it's not that my granddoggy is vicious, but rather that they are two alpha males that refuse to bow to the other. I think it's best to keep them apart for safety's sake, but I still want to see my granddoggy as I love him so when he visits, my dog will have a slumber party with my neighbor's dogs, whom he gets along great with.

Sometimes it helps to understand the animal world, what they mean, they do not respond like people do and sometimes we attribute intent that doesn't belong there, that's why I think an animal communicator might be of help. My best to you, I know you're torn up about this, and it's very difficult for you. I pray you hear the answer within you that will guide you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello,

I agree with what Kay said. No harm was intended, and it was a sad, freak accident. Dogs do not always think as we humans think, and that's the way it's supposed to be ~ even when we don't like their behavior.

Alpha dogs do what they are born to do, and challenging other alpha dogs is something they feel compelled to do. I have an alpha male Dachshund who will foolishly challenge even a Mastiff or a Great Dane if he thinks he, his territory, or his people need his protection ~ or if he thinks he must show how big, strong, and brave he is. It's just the way of dogs, and something we need to accept. God made our beloved dogs to be different from us in some ways, and this is right and good.

No male human can come near my daughter or me, except my husband, without being threatened (chewed up at least to the ankles) by our Doxie Beauregard. We wondered why my husband is not threatened by Beauregard. Beauregard's vet laughed, and told my husband that it's because Beauregard accepts him as the alpha dog of our home. My husband felt embarrassed by our vet's teasing, but what the vet said was accurate.

Beauregard does not know that he is little, will soon be fifteen years old, and has only five teeth left, so he still behaves as an alpha dog.

I wish you well, and that you will soon find peace of mind.

Carrie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Vicente, I read your whole story, and feel so bad for everything you've gone through and are still going through, I just can't tell you... But I can relate pretty well on a few levels, especially on wanting to die because of such a key loss of someone you love/d and depended on so completely....your Guyton. I'm so sorry you lost him, and in such an unexpected, unanticipated way. Of course your heart would be as broken as it is! How could it not, given how much you meant to each other?!

I'll echo that you should try to find someone who is both educated and mainly or exclusively interested in animal loss, and to find an Animal Communicator for yourself as well. The good news is, a select few of them do BOTH, although you could certainly hire two different people as well. If you look for such people separately, I'd suggest looking online to see if there are now any qualified pet loss therapists who might agree to do phone sessions with you, if that's possible for you, if you can't find anyone locally. (I know they can be very hard to find) I had found one in BC, Canada, a few years ago; don't recall her name now, unfortunately, as I ended up seeing someone locally, but you could try a search there if the LD charges wouldn't be prohibitive, or if you can use Skype instead. But frankly, I think I would have been better of with the long-distance sessions with her instead, as she was a real "animal person," just as her professional practice directly reflected. I probably would have gotten more useful help in far less time and expense that way. For ACers, there are several professional lists of them online, as well as some I've posted to others here.

As others you say have already suggested, perhaps it is a sign that El Güero becomes yours, considering everything in your story. But you do have to question your own heart, too, as Anne said. It can be helpful to try and imagine, for a whole day apiece, first one possible scenario actually existing RIGHT NOW, then the other, and note all your feelings and thoughts about each option. And ask yourself whatever questions come up, too, such as "Is my grief still too fresh, and am I ready, to start a new routine and life with this other dog?" "Will it be fair to him to be with me in my given state right now?" Or "could it actually help us both, and if so, how exactly?" "Might I end up wanting to return him, making him feel abandoned once more?"

I KNOW these are tough questions to ask yourself and to try to feel into any answers, especially when you're already suffering as you are. But they are at least worthwhile asking if you're at all considering adopting this dog as your own. And you need to try to be fair to both of you, as both of your lives are important. In fact, I'd also suggest you sit down with El Güero in a quiet place, and ask him directly, either out loud, or just silently, what HE feels and thinks about the whole idea. You may get an impression, or several (!), right away, or you may need to sit quietly for awhile and just try to listen inwardly, or see if you get any mental pictures, or even see if he does anything indicative while sitting with you. Just try to be aware, without censoring whatever you get, and see if that helps any.

And what about your mother?....would she be okay with another dog in the house, or would that cause even more problems? So you may have speak with her about the idea as well, and before you expend all that time and energy on everything else around this inner debate.

I was also absolutely horrified to hear that your dear Guyton had been used for surgical practice (!!!!!) and am SO VERY thankful you were able to rescue him from such an awful existence!!! (you don't want to know what I really think about such people....) But you gave him SO, SO much more than what he would have had otherwise, and perhaps his seemingly untimely death will be teaching you even more than you can imagine right now. With that kind of thing in mind, I'd like to direct you to an online talk/interview that aired recently, from which I hope you might receive some comfort and helpful information about animals who have crossed over. The interview is with one of my most beloved kindred spirits, Kim Sheridan, who also wrote the book, "Animals and the Afterlife," which I know Marty also has on her list of resources for pet loss:

http://www.afterlifetv.com/2015/04/02/animals-and-the-afterlife-do-pets-have-souls/

While you're there, you might also wish to listen to several other interviews Bob did, in particular this one with Robert Shwartz, which might help you some with Guyton's unexpected death:

http://www.afterlifetv.com/2012/01/19/do-our-souls-plan-lifes-challenges-struggles-sufferings-before-birth/

And with Michelle Skaletski-Boyd:

http://www.afterlifetv.com/2011/11/23/how-ordinary-people-can-see-hear-feel-their-loved-ones-in-spirit-without-being-a-medium/

And even if you don't contact her directly, I think you'll find much comfort and help from Teresa Wagner's site, too:

http://animalsinourhearts.com/

Teresa is a magnificent human being, and I love her and her works dearly. :wub:

I hope this is of some help, and that you find everything you could possibly need from whatever sources. Often, we need more than one...

Blessings,

Maylissa

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...