sharirouse Posted April 21, 2015 Report Share Posted April 21, 2015 My dad's been gone now for 7 months now and Im starting to struggle in school. I have no motivation and I even got a 59 on a test and it was to be a 75 to pass. It killed me inside but I feel like I have nothing else in me to push on. Sometimes I want to say its grief but Im not sure if it really is. I didnt really know how to feel when I hit the 6 month mark. I know there is nothing truly "magic" about those days so to speak but all it did was made me feel farther and farther from my dad, I havent really been crying lately. I mean I tear up for "get the feels" as I call it. I teared up on the forum a bit earlier but I havent cried since about spring break and when I did it was a hyperventilating "hee hee hoo" type of crying where it sounded like I was giving birth and a panting dog at the same time. I soaked my pillow too! Anyway, I know I havent really allowed myself to cry because Ive had no time to be alone and uninterrupted except at night but since I stay up so late I dont let myself cry because I need to sleep and "dont have time." While my program is very intensive and Im burnt out, I dont know if its just that, that is draining my motivation. I used to be so diligent but now I almost dont care. at all! Could it be grief? What the heck. Secondly, we are letting my dads house get foreclosed on and I am sad yet I cannot get myself to go to the house alone. I mean I actually can go but I avoid it. It upsets me but I still dont want to see it go and it hurts me. How do I get through that? My mom understands but then she doesnt. She doesnt get why I cant go in I think. Since she is paying for it and its a second house, I completely understand that we can no longer afford so Im not mad, Im just sad to see it go and im not putting up a fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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