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The Loss Of My Beloved Husband

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I recently lost the love of my life. My Husband of 10 years died on April 17th of cardiac arrest. My husband and I raised my 10 year old Grandson since birth and last year in April, we got my three youngest grandchildren 9, 7 and 2. We moved into a bigger house in June of 2014 to have room for everyone. We never really liked the new place and the neighborhood and talked about looking for another place soon. On February 6th, In October of 2014, My husband started complaining of severe back pain but we contributed it to the move and his job (Walks alot). In January, he went to the doctors for a cold and cough. The doctor took a CT scan and found a spot on his lungs which he said was probably pneumonia. He was put on antibiotics but never seemed to get better. On February 6th of this year, he collapsed because he said he right leg simply gave out on him. I insisted we go to the Emergency room. The doctor again took tests and found a spot on his spine. Was not sure what it was so he sent him to Danville medical center to get tested. The doctors there did an MRI and found my husband had cancer throughout his body. They believe the primary was Lung cancer but had spread to the bones, the brain, the liver and the abdomin. We were devastated but determined to fight. He was scheduled for radiation and chemotherapy. The following weeks were hard with the treatments and having to travel long disctances for radiation but he continued to be strong. In March, He did not gett sick during treatment but did become very weak. In March, he could not get out of bed anymore and lost the use of his legs. I became the primary cargiver but enlisted my daughters to help so I could continue working part time. My Mother-in-law came to visit and helped out for 2 weeks before having to return home. On April 17th, He was in good spirits and ordered takeout for the kids (He was craving hot wings). I called my youngest daughter to come keep an eye on him and the grandkids so I could pick up the food. As I was pulling out, I heard my daughter yell "Call 911, he's having a heart attack". My husband was in excruciating pain and the EMS said he was having a heart attack and were life flighting him to Danville. While they were waiting for the helicopter, he went into cardiac arrest and they took him into the Emergency room. His heart stopped twice and they put in a breathing tube. When I seen him, he had a tear coming out of the side of his eye and I told him to continue fighting. He was life fligted to Danville for a catherization and I followed in my car.The trip takes over an hour and on the way, I did alot of thinking. contemplating what he was going through and the talks we had. He was adamant about not wanting to be kept alive by machine. So when I got to the hospital, I spoke to the doctor and told him that my husband did not want to be kept alive by machine. We waited until 2 of his brothers could come to the hospital (He was the oldest of 6 boys) and had them take him off the breathing machine. My husband died within minutes. This has been the worst nightmare I have ever lived through. I have been unable to go back to work because I work as a Behavioral secialist and therapist for Children andd unable to be sympathetic or compassionate to others right now. I am not suicidal and know deep down I will get through but do not see any light at the end of the tunnel right now. I joined this group to be able to express my sorrow and hopefully find my way out of this dark grief somehow. I want to be able to move on with him in my heart but live life again but he was my reason for living and although I have the grandkids (Who are staying with their aunt until I feel better), I can not imagine life without him. post-17334-0-27805700-1430226129_thumb.j

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I am so very sorry to read about the loss of your beloved husband. Oh, course you are in "dark grief" for your grief is still so very raw.

You are doing what you need to do right now and that is to take care of YOU. I am so glad someone can tend to your grandchildren for a while and that you are taking some time off from work.

Your world has been shattered as you knew it and it will take time for you to begin a new life which is your new reality now.

This forum is a wonderful place for you to come and share your grief.

I send you hugs.


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Dear One,

I, too, am so sorry you have lost your husband. My heart goes out to you, and I send you warm hugs, for you have been through so much already, and your grief is raw and deep.

I am glad you found your way here to us on the forum, yet I am sorry you have need to be here. We care that you hurt, and we understand grief, although each of us experiences it somewhat differently from one another. Please feel free to come here to talk and express whatever you feel. We will listen. I can't advise, but just know I care, and that I will pray God will hold you, uplift you, and give you His supernatural comfort.

Warm hugs and blessings,


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I am so sorry you lost your dear husband. Words are inadequate to express all I wish to convey to you. I know all too well the feelings that follow in the aftermath of losing your beloved soul mate and companion, your best friend. I want you to know that, yes, you will get through this, and yes, it will be the hardest thing you've ever embarked on. It will require the fight of your life to see you through. You are in my prayers. You don't see light at the end of the tunnel right now, but I can assure you that it will not always be this level of intensity and pain. It takes the mind a long time to adapt to so many changes. I hope you will read some of the other threads in the "Loss of Spouse" section so you will know you are not alone in feeling as you do.

This is a warm, caring, and safe place to post. We will walk this journey with you if you want us to.

the only advice I have right now is to try to take one day at a time...try not to look at "the rest of your life" just yet, you have enough to deal with with just today. Remember to breathe. Try to drink water and eat something healthy, even when you don't feel hungry. Try to take walks to relieve some of the stress, it will aid you in being at your best, which you will need every best chance at. Let people help you. Some people will not know what to say or do, they may say the wrong things to you, try to remember that they haven't been there so they don't know...and thank God they haven't been, none of us would wish this on anyone. People may want to help you but not know what to do, it will help if you tell them how they can help you.

I hope you will continue to come here and post. It does help to express yourself and not bottle it up. How are the children handling this? They may benefit from a grief counselor, it could help you as well. A grief counselor can help you see through this maze that's called grief when we're least able to for ourselves.

I pray God undergird you and keep you through all of this.

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Thank you, it does help to talk about how I'm feeling and although the Grandkids appear to be adjusting, I know they are grievig as well. I have been taking each day as it comes and have been looking into grief counseling. It's just so hard to be in the house where we lived together but just as bad going out and seeing everyone go about their normal lives and mine is so torn apart. My youngest daughter has tried to help but does not understand the pain I feel. I lost my brother 3 years ago and it was also devastating because we were so close. But my husband was there to support me and helped me through that pain. This pain is so much deeper because my husband and I were a team and everythng I did, I did for or with him. It was better when his family was here because a piece of him was here in them. Now they are back to their normal lives and I can't bear the thought of each day waking up without him. It helps to read the posts of those who have experienced the same pain and gves me a little hope.

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You summed up perfectly the difference between losing your spouse and losing another relationship. Your spouse is the very one who would be there for you and help you through your loss (of other relationships). Plus your every day life was so intertwined that now you are left with huge holes throughout your day, night, and weekend. You had friends together, finances together, chores together, slept together, parented together, spent holidays together, EVERYTHING together! In the blink of an eye everything changed.

It is no wonder this is so hard hitting.

Keep posting, it helps. And I hope you read in the "loss of spouse" section, it'll help you realize you are not alone in all you are feeling. I'm sorry you lost your brother too. I dread the day when I start losing my siblings...I know it is just around the corner as my older sisters are on borrowed time, and no longer having my husband to go through things with me, I'll have to face these things alone. My sympathies to you in both of your losses.

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