Lost My Heart Dog One Week Ago Today

[Kacy]

My dogs did not have any nausea or loss of appetite from the Vetmedin, but it can cause atrial tears and ruptured chords in the heart as well as sudden death. The only thing is, this can happen without the Vetmedin. So, there is no way to prove it was the Vetmedin and the vets do not want to say that it was.

Mary

[Maylissa]

Ah yes...and that's typical of most modern-day drugs, isn't it? The very thing they're claimed to prevent, or 'treat for," ends up being one of their "side effects." I just call them "effects," because they're a DIRECT effect of the drug, not some kind of "aside." A 'side effect" is nothing more than duplicitous marketing lingo.

Is Vetmedin just another brand name for Lasix, or is it a different drug, or another hybrid of same?

But even if you found an independent study or studies showing a direct correlation to prove its lethal effect, what then, when, as they say, that's "all they've got" as highly risky but "usual" treatment? They're never going to actually admit it's a direct cause of someone's death....not unless the fatality statistics are so high they're forced into a recall off the market, or there's a Class Action suit against it/them. That's how it always works so far, right?

So why not then focus more on trying to find other less dangerous, or much safer, complementary/alternative methodologies for the condition instead?...assuming you're comfortable with any you may find. I do understand the huge frustration, all the same, though, as I later found certain substances or ingredients (if not exactly "drugs") I'd been using for a time, were actually highly risky and could have caused, say, a cancerous condition in the body, which my boy did eventually contract and die of. While I had stopped their use once I became informed, and despite our vet continuing to sell them, regardless, it just became yet another lesson under the belt for me of how hard we must work ourselves to become more educated about what's out there. This system makes it VERY enraging for us, though, and sometimes there's just not a whole lot we can do about it....so far, anyway.

For instance, there are often other substances that are just as effective in humans, and often more so, as the standard drugs prescribed, yet no one's developed any studies for use in nonhumans...and so you're hooped, as the vets don't know what the dosage would be, nor if it would work just as effectively in a cat or dog. I ran into that with high blood pressure meds for Nissa, and was in the end forced to use the standard drug instead. I hated it, Nissa hated it, yet I had to use it anyway. *sigh*

[Kacy]

Maylissa,

IMO, the problem goes back to not having good holistic vets available who understand how to treat heart disease. One that I have used off and on for years for various other issues flat out told me that Lucy was the most difficult heart case she had ever treated, and that was before Lucy got really bad. She could not offer anything beyond the basic supplements that I knew of before going to her. This after many visits with her and, of course, a lot of $$$.

I fought the use of the Vetmedin (not a diuretic, as lasix) because it is a somewhat newer medication and a very powerful one. I had read that it can sometimes allow the heart to work so much better that it puts too much pressure on the mitral valve, which in my dogs, is bad. I finally caved in on each one of my dogs and, like I said, only Molly remains. Yes, dogs do die suddenly of heart disease WITHOUT Vetmedin. Would they have died either way? Who knows?

I do use many of the Standard Process supplements. To totally switch over to them and not use the conventional meds, is a very scary thought. I would love to do that, but if anything happened to Molly at that point, I would never forgive myself. I know you understand. This is why I honestly do not feel that I will ever own any more dogs when my current ones are no longer with us - not something I ever thought I would say.

Mary

[Maylissa]

I hear you and your concerns, Mary, and as you know, also share in them. And part of the problem is also having to find and test out vets, including those in the holistic field. We can't expect them all to be perfect, nor know everything about everything, or be the "perfect package" of human and professional in every way, but therein lies the rub. And since many don't want to work as a more complete medical team for our furkids and us, that adds extra challenge for us.

But of course it's the way the whole System is set up that gives rise to all this. Holistic vets are more $$$, but essentially only because the whole medical model paradigm is wrong to begin with, and so discounts the holistic perspective and 'punishes' them for it. And who knows if or when it &/or the public might finally wisen up and reconfigure itself? In our lifetime? Or never? It all feels like a Sisiphusian battle placed upon our shoulders to bear.

Supplements are only one part of the picture, too, though, and no, it's not always wise to rely only on them, either. I'm referring to using whatever more natural, "ancient," and newer methods out there, as an integrative way of treating, healing, or even curing conditions. That would include then energetic-based means, which is a HUGE sector all by itself. Often, no one method holds all the (better, safer) answers, but it's a matter of trying as many as we're able to in our quest for healing. (whether nonhuman, or human) And of course I'm a firm believer, too, in the concept of "a family heals more optimally as a unit," meaning there's a team approach taken there, too. I know it's tough, though, due to costs, time, etc. And it's only in retrospect that we consider what we maybe should have funded more of, vs. something else.

I also share your anxieties over consideration about future furfamily members. I'm at a crossroads there right now, but it's also extremely painful a prospect to imagine myself NOT ever having the shared love of any more animals in my life, personally and closely. No easy or comfortable answer there for me.

[Kacy]

You're right - no easy answers for any of this. I am starting to feel as if I'm beating my head against the wall though. I had dropped off a copy of the final autopsy report to my regular vet last week. She called me on Monday. My husband and I originally had thought we would just set up an appt to sit down and talk to her to go over everything. She said that would be fine, but she would have to charge for a consultation. I was totally okay with that. She has spent a lot of her own time over the years talking by phone to me over various issues going on with my dogs, mostly in the evening when her day should have been over. She is very dedicated, although I do not always, or even often, agree with her (vaccinations, etc.).

We did get to talking about the report, and I asked a few questions about the histiocytic pneumonia. I honestly still do not understand what that means but the pneumonia part of it she said is not what we think of when we think of pneumonia. The report was just stating that she had inflammation in the lungs. It was not a type of pneumonia that could be treated by antibiotics. Then, we went onto the congestive heart failure part of it, and I stated that I tried to tell them when we took Allie to the ER a few days before she died that she had gone into chf because her respirations had doubled in one day. But they said it was her lung issue. I told her Allie was on a minimal amount of lasix. IMO, she tap danced around most of what I said.

She started on about how they always use the lowest dose because of the kidney issue. Now, when this all started in January, the vet in her own office started Allie on 25 mg, then the cardiologist said she was not in chf and took her off of it. A few weeks later, the internal med dr said there was fluid in her lungs and put her on 5 mg. The following week, the cardiologist changed that to 20 mg. This was early February. Since that time, there was no change to the dose except when I got desperate and upped it myself a bit (but apparently not enough). Did not see any improvement so went back to old dose of 20 mg. Now, with 20/20 hindsight, I can see the amount I was increasing was not enough. The cardiologist had offhandedly said I could try upping the dose, but it probably wouldn't help because it was her airway disease and not fluid causing the problem.

Anyway, I proceeded to get really upset over the fact that no matter what I said, I felt like my vet was defending Allie's treatment from the specialists. I finally said that I understood that she has a professional relationship with them and even if she did agree with me would not say so (I said that as nicely as I could), but she said no, she would speak up. She went on to say about the 5 mg dose of the lasix and how that is not a low dose. This is totally not true. I had 3 dogs, all about the same size, with fluid in the lungs. All were started by HER OFFICE at 25 mg a day, then changed to 20 mg a day by the cardiologists, except for Allie whose dose was discontinued. Yes, Allie may have had less fluid in her lungs but she also supposedly had some type of lower airway issue (chronic bronchitis, etc.). So, even if there was less fluid, the fact that she also had another health issue would make it even more important, IMO, to get the fluid under control before it escalated.

To make a long story short, I just gave up and thanked her for her time. I told my husband there is no point in going in to talk to her. We would just keep going around and around in circles. She didn't have much to say though when I told her about how the cardiologist's vet tech told me to keep giving this new inhaler medication even though I told them she seemed worse after the treatment. I said I don't know why I listened to them. That goes against everything - even in modern medicine. But they said she needed 2 weeks for it to kick in. Okay, maybe - but to me that only means you should keep giving it if she was not getting worse from the medication.

Then, I had contacted this veterinary pathologist I found online because I wanted to talk to a few other vets besides my regular vet, who I know would be partial to the specialists. He was supposed to be giving me a price on going over the report. I sent it to him last week. He emailed right away about what questions I might have. I emailed back and he said to let him know after I had talked to my regular vet and he would give me a price. Have been trying to get an answer from him since then. If he didn't want to do it, he should have just said so. All I wanted was for him to answer some questions and basically explain in English what the autopsy meant. So, very frustrated there as well.

Was finally able to make appt with the 3rd vet that I am going to talk to. She is a holistic vet that I had consulted with by phone about Allie. She had made a few diet suggestions and one supplement, and we were going to continue on but that never happened because Allie died. I'm hoping she will give an honest opinion since she is not involved with any of the other vets because she is not from this area. The appt is for next Wednesday. So, we'll see how that goes. I want confirmation from her that this type of pneumonia could not be treated.

I do agree with your team approach for treatment, but trying to find a team that I trust and believe in seems totally impossible at this point.

Mary

[Maylissa]

Oh dear, that's not good news. I certainly hope you can get much more help from the holistic vet. All this other stuff is like pulling teeth! (a parallel to what I've been experiencing with my brother's death: all sorts of people lying through their teeth to me, stonewalling, not responding, acting fraudulently, breaking protocol, causing more harm, etc.) This is all such depressing stuff, and sure doesn't help one's "faith in humanity" one little bit!

So I'm feeling similarly, albeit from a different scenario. Good question -- how DOES one find a "team," or heck, in some cases even one, lone individual(!), you can fully or mostly trust and believe in??? The longer I live, the harder that seems to do anymore, since human society has become so broken it often feels irreparable, and those with real, or at least more integrity, are becoming rarer and rarer every day. I think we're both struggling with the same dilemma at core, that being:

• Do we keep fighting for what we feel we need, believe in, and want to see in this world?
• Or do we just give in/up and try to "let it go," offering no resistance, to see if that will help get us better results? (and if this choice, HOW, really, whilst still honouring our needs and feelings?)

It's a real up-down, inner battle each day, and so very wearying. I feel so sorry for both of us, and anyone else facing the same kinds of dilemmas.

[Kacy]

Maylissa,

You always so eloquently put into words what I am thinking! I'm so sorry you are going thru such an ordeal over your brother's estate. I don't know why but it seems nothing can be done in a timely, efficient manner anymore. First of all, even with email, cellphones, etc., it seems to take a major effort to get people to get back to you. And then when they do, it's always like whatever your circumstances are that it is the first time they have ever handled that particular situation or problem - even if it is exactly what their job is supposed to entail. Why is that? Then, you can only hope when they do finally respond with an answer or information, that the information is correct. I find it really, really frustrating. I hope by some miracle things will fall into place with your situation and everything will go smoothly from this point forward.

I do have to say that I have some hope for this new cardiologist that I took Molly to a few weeks ago. I felt a real warmth from him that he truly cared about Molly. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but he had his office call me a few days later, actually on a day he was home sick, to tell me the results of Molly's heartworm test and also to check on how she was doing after the appointment because we had discussed how stressful such a long day was on her. That alone was a miracle! The only downside is that he is 2 hrs away. But, I am hopeful there for now. Of course, he is a traditional vet, but at least a caring one - or seems to be so far.

Mary

[Maylissa]

Aaww, thanks for the compliment, Mary, because I sure could use more of those lately!

You SAID it! I've gotten SO fed up with having to do other people's jobs for them, especially when they're charging obscenely $$$ rates for their utter mediocrity!!! If not for my intelligent, probing questions, I'd never find out anything I need to know. It's absolutely infuriating! And then if you keep pinging on them because they won't get back to you in a timely fashion, they get all touchy on you, or just quit on you without warning. (same garbage as during our reno, time after time after time) They must all be from the "me-me-me" generation...except there seems to be an unending stream of those generations as yet! I'm just about at the stage where I'm wondering, since I can't seem to "lick 'em," SHOULD I just "join 'em" and become as useless, horrid, and stressful to others as they are??? Seriously, why is it that these are the kinds of people who always seem to win?!? If I had a place for it, I'd go out TODAY and buy a nice, hefty punching bag for daily home use!!!!

I don't, however, dare even think about any miracles for my own situation, since every time I do, for some strange reason, things often get even worse, not better. Don't know why, only that it seems to have become a very sad pattern. So you'll have to hold that thought FOR me, if you don't mind.

Oh, but I'm SOOO glad you may actually have found a specialist who's worth going to!!! Now that sounds more like proper "customer & patient service"! But yikes, yah....2 hours away is really far. If only we all had personal helicopters for such instances! Have you looked this one up yet using some of those resources I'd found for vetting vets? Or are you too scared to even look?! At the very least, he may even be able to provide some better referrals to other vets, too, if he's that much kinder and compassionate, and hopefully doesn't want to associate with those not of the same mindset. Since I seem to only rather jinx myself, it's probably safe to keep my fingers crossed for YOU! Oh, and btw, I do know of another, very reasonably priced homeopathic vet, if you ever want. (she also does phone-call or email appts.)

[Kacy]

Would love the name of the homeopathic vet. BTW, Dr. Don was able to help Connor. Not sure he'll ever be 100%, but he is better.

As for our new cardiologist that is 2 hours away, he is about the only option we have left, as far as cardiologists go. Have seen both local ones and there just aren't that many around. The new one is willing to work with our regular vet for bloodwork, etc and then only see Molly every 6 months unless there is a problem. So, it's not like we will have to go there very often.

No more mention of miracles - I'll just keep that notion to myself.

Mary

[Kacy]

Hate to keep posting here but feel like, other than my husband, not many really understand. I have tried various forums and chat rooms, but always come away feeling almost worse instead of better. Not to say they aren't helpful for some people, maybe just not for me.

It seems as though everyone wants to "fix" you. I know someone posted a really good article on here about it being okay to not be okay. That was very helpful. I think the thing that bothers me the most is the feeling from many that as soon as you mention that the vets possibly did not give the correct medication or dosage of medication and that you feel like your dog should still be here, they automatically start defending the vet or saying that the dog was older and had heart problems. Marty, if you are reading this, I thank you for discussing our situation with your veterinarian friend - for at least seeing the "other side" of things. The vets are not ALWAYS right - nor are they always wrong - and some are more caring than others (while some are more caring of your money - as in you just spent $$$$$ on your dog's 6 day treatment in ICU and then they never even called to check on her after you brought her home. This was not Allie.

I realize Allie was 9 years old and that her breed is prone to heart problems, but Allie was a young 9 years old. She always tried to be first thru the gate into the dining room at dinner time, even though it was a race between her and our male dog, who is built much sturdier than she. Then, she would run into the cage, her place for dinner, so quickly that she had to throw her paw up against the side to keep from flying into the back of it. She would then sit down and wait impatiently for you to put the dish down, acting like she hadn't eaten in days. That was Allie. So, to have her suddenly gone is hard to accept.

I feel like my own vet, who was not involved much the last several months in Allie's care due to her being treated by the specialist, is feeling like she needs to defend Allie's treatment (or lack of treatment). Trying to defend why Allie was put on 5 mg of lasix when the normal starting dose is 20-25 mg - saying that they always try to use the lowest dose necessary (which I fully understand and, believe me, I'm the last person who wants their dog on unnecessary medication). But 3 dogs, all weighing about the same, were started on 25 mg of lasix and now suddenly 5 mg is the starting dose? Yes, maybe Allie's xray showed a smaller amount of fluid than the other dogs, but she also supposedly had some type of lung issue, so wouldn't it be even more important to get rid of even the smallest amount of fluid? Doesn't make any sense to me. This had been going on since January, with many trips to 2 different specialists (whose offices were side by side). And thru it all and in spite of the labored breathing and cough, Allie was her normal self - still running thru that gate, still running back into the house to get her 1 Cheerio, still letting me know when dinner was a few minutes late, still practically breaking the door down if I dared to go into the bathroom without her.

I just don't know how to accept Allie's death. Obviously, I have to, but I seem to keep fighting it. With other dogs, while it was not easy, there was some rationalization that their bodies had given up, or they had become senile and did not seem happy anymore, or that we had done all we could for them and they were at the point that it was more loving to let them go - but this was not the case with Allie. Other than Lucy, our little girl was lost suddenly last year, the others all had a peaceful death. Allie did not. I think it was probably the worst experience of my life to hold her in my arms while she struggled to breath as we tried to rush her to the ER. I know she is at peace now, and I have to remind myself of that when I start reliving those moments.

Anyway, thank you for reading this and letting me vent.

Mary

[MartyT]

♥

[Maylissa]

Hey, that's what (good/better/best) boards should be for -- acceptance of how we're feeling, so we CAN vent to our heart's content! I and certain others I've met on boards through the years have had the same complaint, and railed about it. (in fact, I just spoke of that myself on that other thread of mine - "as if I'm 'broken' ") While it can also be a help to get some good suggestions or options for coping with feelings, that ol' "oh, don't feel that way" approach to "fixing" someone only leads to more trouble, and an unhelpful "stuffing" of our real feelings. Then the feelings can't more naturally just "move through" us as we gradually process them. And some feelings remain with us (at least to some extent) for the rest of our lives, depending.

That reluctance to let us have our feelings often comes from people who haven't yet, or just never learn enough about the grief process. Mind you, I've even seen that "hurry up and HEAL!" script followed on some grief boards headed by professional counselors!!! (remember, we BOTH know a lot of "professionals" are severely lacking!) In fact, there's one led by a famous British author on "pet loss," which I and several other people dropped almost immediately, as this guy does NOT take the view that animals are much more than "just "pets"" to a great many of us....of all things!!! That made many people rapidly leave in disgust, as he would immediately seek to try and "fix" that supposed "flaw" in people. So fair warning....a LOT of grief boards and chat rooms actually worsen your grief. Like finding therapists worth their weight, forums, too, can be a real minefield. So I'd suggest, at least for now, don't even try to "accept" Allie's death. Just give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel, or think, and don't let anyone try and "talk you out of" it. You'll do that naturally yourself when you're able to, and at your own pace.

But a caveat to this -- it's never really "acceptance" per se anyway, but more of just a learning to live with it, over time and a LOT of grief work. And why should we "accept" death anyway? It goes against the very concept and reality of the Life Force of which we're all made. In other words, Life is (inherently) Life, and cannot contradict Itself (by appearing to be Death). It was actually my LACK of giving in to a real acceptance of the whole concept of (a lasting, final) death that led me into all my research on Continuing Life after physical death, and all that followed from there. And that's how it is for many people. The pain spurs us into learning, and expanding our minds. And yet, we still have to learn to live with that anguish of physical absence, the unfairness of it all, etc., etc..

So you've now got a painful challenge that is different in some very important aspects from those you had before, and continuing to talk about those difficulties doesn't make you "weak," but more thorough and thoughtful. No one said you only get an arbitrary # of posts you can make here, so USE the forum for whatever you need and for as long as you need to! You don't have to hurry up and heal, or "get over" anything. You go, or get, through things, not "over" them per se. If it were all that easy and simple, none of us would ever need help, or forums.

As for those final, gruesome looking images burned into your mind and heart now...I do understand, as I have those myself. And they're still very difficult to deal with, despite all my "learnin.'" But unless I get dementia , they'll always be there. However, they give me that much more compassion and understanding for others who have also experienced similar or the same things. And from there is the potential for more healing on both sides.

P.S. I'll get that doc's contact info to you via PM later.

[Kacy]

Thank you, Maylissa. I do think it is different "here". It's not that I am offended by various suggestions of books or ideas to cope with all of this, but I don't like feeling like I "have" to do something. In this case, it was journaling. Some people are great with journaling and some aren't crazy about the idea. I'm not saying it wouldn't help, but at this point in time, I'm not interested in doing it.

Hoping to hear back from this veterinary pathologist today, but for some reason will be surprised if I do. Have been emailing back and forth for several weeks now and don't know why I have not gotten an answer as to if he is willing to go over the autopsy report or not. When I first sent the final copy to him about a week and a half ago, he replied within a few minutes, asking about what it was exactly that I wanted to know. I sent some questions and then added that I just wanted to get an explanation of what the report actually said, and I wanted it from someone not associated with Allie's care. I told him that we were not able to speak to the pathologist where the autopsy was done. It was done at a very reasonable cost with the idea that you would speak to your own vet to interpret it. He said to contact him after I spoke to my regular vet and we would go from there. I sent the xray, which he said would be helpful, and asked if he would let me know that he got it okay and was able to read it otherwise I would put a copy in the mail to him. No response to that.

For some reason, it seems to be very difficult (at least it has been for me) to find a veterinary pathologist willing to just read the report, tell me what it says and answer a few questions. I realize he did not perform the autopsy so maybe his own findings would be different, but this is all I have and all I will ever have. I had even contacted some veterinary pathologist association asking for help to find a veterinary pathologist, and they stated they do not give out their membership information. So hopefully, I will hear from the one I contacted.

Mary

[kayc]

I hope they are not trying to wear you down in the hopes you'll just give up and go away. It's a hard position for you to be in for if you hound them too much, they'll cut you off, but if you aren't persistent, you'll never hear back. How does one get them to respond?

Journaling has helped me at times but I understand everyone's journey and way of coping is unique. I think it's merely a suggestion and can be easily discarded if it doesn't work for you. My son hates writing and journaling would never work for him...he prefers to do something tangible, like carve out a memorial to put at the grave or something like that.

[Kacy]

Kay, I'm not sure what to do. I just would like them to let me know if there are interested in helping me or not. The weird thing was this pathologist wrote a really nice reply when if first emailed him about how hard it is to lose a pet and how sorry he was. Kind of surprised me actually. He had been out of town and so apologized that I had to wait for a reply. I had originally contacted his pathology business and had been in touch with whomever it is that handles their emails, and then that person referred me to him. Like I said, when I first sent the final report to him, he replied within about 10 minutes time. Then, he mentioned about the xray taken in the ER a few days before Allie died possibly helping to answer some questions and so I got that and sent it along. Don't know if he received it or not or, if he did, was he able to read it okay, as my regular vets office wasn't sure if it could be sent from my computer to his.

I waited a couple of days after sending it to ask if he received it and could read it okay and have not heard anything. So, I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I don't know but I'm thinking this guy could probably read the report (which isn't very long - only 2 pages) and look at the xray and tell me what I wanted to know - or at least explain what it all means - without too much effort on his part. Of course, I was going to pay him.

As for the journaling, I didn't mind the suggestion but after I explained I'm not really interested in doing that, I felt like the person was insisting I do it anyway. Like you said, everyone is different, and we are all comfortable doing certain things and not doing others. My husband and my sons would much rather do like your son rather than journaling also. I am planning on a little memorial garden for both Allie and Lucy and have already bought a few things. Hoping to get them planted today or tomorrow, depending on the weather.

Also, just found that all of my pictures of Allie that were on my old computer are somehow screwed up and my husband is not able to transfer them to the new computer. So, that is really upsetting. Don't even want to think that I will lose all of them - not only of Allie but my other dogs as well. I did find one still on the camera so will try to post it here, if I figure out how.

[Maylissa]

That just seems crazy to me, because what's the point in getting an autopsy done (and paying for it, no less) if only one doctor will discuss the findings with you? Makes me wonder what's done with human autopsies, too! Is it the same run-around? And what's with the secrecy about their members? I don't know...it just seems everything is secretive and elitist these days, as if it's John Q. Public who can't be entrusted with anything, when it's normally the other way around!

Kay's right -- that kind of nonsense happens all the time, and you end up between a rock and a hard place. Well, with any luck, maybe this pathologist has just been busier of late and isn't very good with customer communication either, but you will hear from him. Or MAYBE he's really looking HARD into something, and wants to make sure he's being very thorough before he answers you? Sometimes that happens too, but we sit on pins and needles, waiting, and not knowing.

Re: journaling, no, it's not for everyone...although you could sort of think of writing in forums as a form of it. Even though you may get responses to your writing, you're still putting thoughts and feelings down on 'paper.' Regardless, suggestions or options are just that...at least, that's what they're supposed to be...not dictums. There's nothing worse than when someone makes a suggestion they think may be of use, but then either repeatedly or aggressively force you into defending or justifying why you don't want to use that suggestion, after you've said it's "not for you" or "not right now." That's not being truly helpful.

[Kacy]

Okay, I'm going to be optimistic that I will hear from the pathologist soon. Maybe you're right, maybe he's just been busy - or out of town. Everyone seems to be out of town in the veterinary world.

As for the autopsy itself, it was done at a veterinary university so the reason it is affordable is because they are learning from it also. I'm guessing the reason they do not want to deal with the public is that they don't want to have to explain things on our level - so it is sent to the owner and to the owner's vet. Also, IMO, the vet, who would have more knowledge of the pet and the whole situation, can then put whatever spin on it they want. As luck would have it, both the vet and the specialist went to this particular university.

I agree that the forums are a form of journaling, but I think of it as more "talking" other people rather than writing things to myself.

[Maylissa]

We were cross-posting at the same time there, so I couldn't see your last entry.

Oh dear....I think I'd DIE if I lost all my pics of my kids!!!!...or anyone else I ever loved. In fact, in the midst of our reno, we flooded in the basement, where we had ALL our most important things stored, and although most things were untouched, naturally, it was a bunch of my kids' pics that got hit the worst! I was HOWLING in despair and shaking my fist at the 'sky' in disbelief...of ALL things, NOT MY KIDS' PICS, especially after everything else we'd been through to date with that horrendous reno!!!! I spent hours trying to separate wet prints from each other, and many were damaged...especially those for which I had no negatives (before digital, or phone pics existed), or even the negatives themselves, so they can't be reprinted. (still not sure if existing prints can be restored these days) Others had been previously scanned then stored on computer, but many of the scans were poor, so we'd always planned on redoing them again. So this was devastating to me. I'm not looking forward to when we finally get to the stage where we're ready to hang personal pictures back up and I have to go through them all again, reliving this destruction and damage. It's like a knife to the heart...

[kayc]

I don't think it matters if we write things in a journal or posting on line or in a letter, we are expressing our feelings and not keeping it bottled up so it helps. In a journal we can look back at what we wrote, but we can with our posts too if we save them to a file, it's time consuming but can be done.

I would not let loose of the hard drive the pictures are on, you may run across someone someday that wants to try and can figure out how to make the pictures right again, you never know. It doesn't take much to be more tech savvy than me!

[Kacy]

Maylissa, you have to wonder why the pictures were damaged instead of those things that you meant to throw out but never did! Doesn't it always seem to work that way? I hope at some point you are able to find someone to restore the pictures. Just never know until you check into it what can be done.

Kacy, I'm not too tech savvy either - explains why I can't figure out how to post Allie's picture. Just learning this new Mac, which may have been a mistake to buy. It was supposed to be my retirement gift to myself, but sometimes is very frustrating. Believe me, the old computer is not going anywhere. I already told my husband that we will pay someone to get those pictures.

I had never been good about taking pictures of my dogs and having them developed back in the old days, but at least took some pics of them when we got a digital camera years ago. Also, convinced my husband and son to take our 4 dogs to a photographer to have pictures taken. Fortunately, it was in her home because it was like a zoo with my dogs. Got some decent pictures - at least decent enough to make me happy. That was right before we got Lucy though, so she wasn't in any of them.

[kayc]

Click on "more reply options" and you'll see where to load your picture, then click "add to post" and post it.

[Kacy]

Thank you, Kay. Not the best picture of Allie, but the only one I have right now. She actually looks bigger in the picture than she was. She was only 15 lbs.

[kayc]

OMG, what a sweet baby! I love her color! 15 lbs sounds easier than my Arlie's 132 lbs.

[Kacy]

Thank you, Kay. We had always had bigger dogs, except for a little shih tzu that was a stray my son brought home. When we lost her, we decided to get a Cavalier, and then another, and another, and another. They have been the best dogs for us - except for their terrible heart issues. Allie was a joy. She had a mind of her own, but in the sweetest way ever.

Mary

[kayc]

I know my dog won't last as long as a smaller dog. I've tried helping him lose weight but he just doesn't seem to. For whatever years we have together, I just enjoy and appreciate him for all he's worth! (ALOT!) I understand your continuing to get Cavaliers in spite of the heart issues, it's how I feel about Huskies, they're very unique and I just love them. I'm glad you've had some wonderful dogs, I know the missing them is all the harder when we lose them though.