What's Up With This?

[LoriM]

I went to a few meeting at a group through the hospice here in town. There was a BBQ and then I sat down. This man with his son sat down across from me (there were tons of other places to sit). I could tell he wanted to talk and frankly I just wanted to eat. He asked me questions and just would not stop talking. I am at a Grief Support Group!! The last thing I wanted to do was to be picked up. I don't even want to go again....I won't. I just wanted to feel supported tonight and write my husband's name on the balloon. GEEZ.

[MartyT]

Lori, my dear, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't know the circumstances, but it sounds as if the BBQ was designed to be more of a social gathering than a regular support group meeting. If a particular group has been meeting together for some time, it can evolve this way, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, it can leave newcomers and those whose losses are more recent feeling very left out and out of place. You might take your concerns to the hospice sponsoring the group, to see if any other bereavement services are offered that might be more suitable for you. Given all that you've been through and where you are right now, both emotionally and physically, it may be better for you to be working one-on-one with a grief counselor to obtain the support you need and deserve, rather than participating in a group like this one.

[kayc]

I don't have anything to add to what Marty said, but I am so sorry that was your experience! I haven't seen a grief support group that was a barbecue/social gathering. Usually a group of people sit in a circle and a moderator leads/guides the session and people are given a chance to talk. A good one will direct the conversation with some boundaries, topics.

[mittam99]

Lori... you mentioned he "kept asking questions and just would not stop talking." That in itself just sounds like he was trying to strike up a conversation. Considering this was in the setting of a BBQ for the group, that doesn't seem out of line. Of course, you didn't mention the type of questions he was asking.

Is it at all possible he was just trying to be social? On the other hand, I'm very sorry he made you feel so uncomfortable.

Marty may have actually hit the nail on the head. You simply may feel more comfortable with one on one grief counseling at this point in time.