Marj37 Posted May 31, 2015 Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 Hello I have such a sad heart. The pain feels ACUTE. On Tuesday evening (May 27) at the Oakland ER they told me Gb would never be able to breathe outside the oxygen cage. We took him there late Sunday, May 24) with cough and labored breathing (he'd had mild asthma for 8 years that got worse the last couple months), he hadn't been eating, was so lethargic, etc. My vet was out of town. His chest xray looked like lots of spots and other stuff. By Tuesday night when we went to visit he was so frail, could barely life his head and the doc said his quality of life was not good at all. I felt like screaming then . I miss him so much. Everywhere I turn I see him. He and bro Hamish would be 15 in July. I've had them since they were we wee kittens, rescues, and could hold them in my hands. Brown tabbys, as loving as could be. Gb was the happy go-lucky one even at his age until a couple weeks ago. This looks like a wonderful forum to be at. I've looked at others. All I do is mostly cry when I'm not with Hamish; I really want to scream. I hope Hamish will be ok. And the two guys were always together; herding around the house, eating at the same time, sleeping on my bed; napping in the same vicinity. Feels like I'm saying too much ..........or not enough. I'm a senior woman; the 2 kitties and I were a close family unit, 24/7 all these years. I loved being with them. Marj (attached a pic of the 2 of them waiting for me to give them dinner) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 31, 2015 Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 I am so sorry, I know how hard it is. I know the adjustment will be huge, and I'll be facing it someday as my Kitty is 20 this summer and my dog is showing signs of aging, although he's only seven, he's 132 lbs and won't live a long life. Saying so long to your best friend is never easy...I don't like "goodbye" because I believe we'll be together again and I'd rather focus on that thought. Still, just not having them right there next to you is really hard. I hope you feel comfortable to continue to come here and post. It's a good place to be understood and vent when you need to. We all need to express ourselves and know we're heard. Your picture is great, they look inseparable. And it's okay to scream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 Your kitties are SO beautiful! I know you are hurting so badly. I'm really sorry. I have recently lost one Doxie to kidney disease, and my other one is not doing well. She has kidney disease also. Our fur babies are our family, and it really hurts to lose them. Your hurting is understood here, and we all care. Blessings, Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orabelle Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 I'm so sorry for your lost! I know what you are going through right now... I lost my baby 18 days ago. I am still grieving and tears can't stop falling still. Praying for you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 My heart thanks you that have responded. Such a great place where no one puts on pressure and no cliches. Grief oozes out of every pore in my body. And my eyes need pampering from crying. Thanks for the prayers, Orabell --- you are also newly wounded --- and I send prayers to your heart. And thank you Carrie and Kay for the caring words. To have people who realize the bond that grows as we live with these fur kids and how the bond breaks and how it hurts makes a soft place to come. Thanks again, Marj 37 with Hamish and missing Gb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 June 1 One week tonight that Gb left my world.......I wish for his spirit to hover here so much. I miss him deeply. I loved every hair on his body, his beautiful eyes, his rascalness, his lovey-ness. Marj & Hamish and missing or Gb guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 We WILL meet again! ...my Soulmate, my best friend, thru all time I love your quote. I'm sitting here looking at his picture on my other monitor. I just keep wondering how it can be . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted June 3, 2015 Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 I send you warm hugs. ❤️ Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 The 3rd of June The house seems so empty without my live wire Gb kitty. His bro is a very laid back kitty so it's like a pall has descended. I cry so much now and then. I wish I could find his smell--------his body had such a beautiful unique smell just like Hamish' has. I saw a new pet loss book mentioned when I was reading some of the posts here and now I can't find it. Send me prayers and healing thoughts to SE Michigan Marj and Hamish & missing our Gb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 3, 2015 Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am sending prayers and healing thoughts to you, dear Marj. I hope this is the book you were thinking of; I've read it myself, and I think it's wonderful: Purr Prints of the Heart: A Cat's Tale of Life, Love and Beyond, by Deborah Barnes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 3, 2015 Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 Yes, it's the one I'm considering getting for my daughter, although I don't know if it's stir up more by doing so since her loss is quite some time ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2015 I am sending prayers and healing thoughts to you, dear Marj. I hope this is the book you were thinking of; I've read it myself, and I think it's wonderful: Purr Prints of the Heart: A Cat's Tale of Life, Love and Beyond, by Deborah Barnes. Thanks so very much, Marty! This is such a wonderful good forum you have created. Yes, that is the book you posted on someones words that I saw. And thanks for the prayers and healing thoughts. I have a couple loss books but not one based on cats, they are general animal companion loss books so i wanted to get into this one. I'll order it from Amazon now. Marj and Hamish missing our Gb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2015 We WILL meet again! ...my Soulmate, my best friend, thru all time Kay ---- I just love this quote. I count on it every minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 5, 2015 Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 It's how I feel, when we met we recognized our soulmate in each other. My life won't be complete until we are together again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 I sure hope this sadness doesn't get any worse. I can go about my usual routines and my yoga class but then in between moments I miss Gb so much. That rascal was so imprinted on my heart. And his love and antics and lovingness and simple joy of being. I've been writing my journals and trying to play with Hamish a bit . Hamish is a more reserved quiet kitty - and affectionate like Gb Marj & Hamish & missing our Gb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 6, 2015 Report Share Posted June 6, 2015 I've had dogs and cats over the years that I was super close to...and lost them. It does seem the pain doesn't stay as intense, you always remember and miss them though. I do remember the excruciating pain upon loss and in the months ahead. I guess our hearts numb a bit after a while because at some point I stopped crying, although I don't know when. I lost my precious dog Fluffy 18 years ago and I remember at the time I didn't see how I could live through it. It doesn't seem possible to me it's been nearly nine years since I lost King George (cat) and I still miss him, same with Chappy and so many others. I'd give anything to have Lucky back for even just one day and show her how much I appreciate how good she was. Somehow we learn to coexist with our grief. I have absolutely no idea how I'll ever survive it when I lose my Arlie (current dog), we are so close, I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I wish there was some way to bypass this stage. If there was, I would have found it by now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2015 Thanks, Kay ---- it sure does ouch!!! This morning I went to our park and walked and walked until my hip flexors said "stop". I hope that helps........my sleeping has really been bad in spite of my Yoga practice. Some minutes I am way ok. Others I wonder how I will survive it. And Hamish (Gb's brother) seems lost sometimes; other times he is ok. He's been sleeping where Gb slept alot the last week he was at home with us. I like this quote in a card I received. "May tomorrow be softer" Marj & Hamish, missing our Gb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orabelle Posted June 6, 2015 Report Share Posted June 6, 2015 23 days has passed since my Orabelle passed away and it still hurts. I understand what you are going through. There are times when I'm ok, but most of the time I'm grieving. I just cried again this morning with my husband (he is in Afghanistan) and asking him how come it's still hurting? I thought that as days go by, it'll be easier and it's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kacy Posted June 6, 2015 Report Share Posted June 6, 2015 Marj, I agree with Kay - I don't think the pain ever goes away, maybe our brain just becomes numb to it or maybe we just try to put it out of our mind to protect ourselves from it. The picture of your kitties is so sweet. I'm sure Hamish is missing his buddy. You wonder what they are thinking and if they understand at all. It's hard for them, too, I'm sure. It's hard sometimes to even think of the good times because then the sadness hits again. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 6, 2015 Report Share Posted June 6, 2015 I like that.."May Tomorrow be softer". I'll have to remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2015 23 days has passed since my Orabelle passed away and it still hurts. I understand what you are going through. There are times when I'm ok, but most of the time I'm grieving. I just cried again this morning with my husband (he is in Afghanistan) and asking him how come it's still hurting? I thought that as days go by, it'll be easier and it's not. I'm glad you have here to post about your deepest feelings. Each one of us is important and each companion we hold dear is our hearts is so missed when they have to leave. Marj "May our tomorrow be softer" and "May our soulmate stay close" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 I love this song........always have and this is a favorite singing group. Gave me a smile today in the midst of on and off crying. I did go to our island state park in Detroit today - let the wind blow my hair; listen to the birds. You can easily Google and find the lyrics. Marj & Hamish and missing our Gb May tomorrow be softer May our soulmate always stay close Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 Sunday afternoon I'm really crying this afternoon. That night may24 we took him to the ER was the first time I'd ever been separated like that. He could barely breathe when we got there and making horrible chest noises and they rushed him right back to the critical care------ put him in oxygen and did a chest xray --- then the doc took me and showed me the awful xray and I was able to pet him before I left. And i never got to hold him ever. the second night I was only allowed to pet him thru the oxygen door and the 3rd night was told it was time to let him go........and i didn't get to hold him....the doc had him partially wrapped in a towel and the iv in him.........I petted him and kissed him and told him he was such a great kitty and I loved him.. And then he was gone. Was so wrenching. I can sit & imagine holding him in my arms and holding his lovely paw when he napped but he's gone until we meet again. And it seems like it will be such a long time. And his brother still is looking for him. I hope my tomorrow is softer I hope my soulmate Gb stays close Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 7, 2015 Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 It has to be hard, remembering, and also seeing his brother suffer from his absence. I've watched pets grieve, Autumn when Midnight died, Lucky...when my husband died, Tigger when my husband died, Miss Mocha when Lucky died, etc. All I know to do is give them plenty of attention to help them through their grief & adjustment. It helps to go through it together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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