Gb Kitty Is Missed

[LadyCarrie]

How very precious, and easy to love!

Carrie

[Marj37]

Thanks, pals!

It's like peeling layers of an onion. New sadnesses come to the surface . And bam! Pow! The bits of the whole.

Just came back from my volunteer time at the library ---- no one comes to the door anymore ;((( Gb

was always the instigator and Hamish trailed along.

And last night Hamish was laying under my computer desk on the towel over the heating pad I had there

for Gb back when he started not feeling good and I was trying to nurse him. And Hamish didn't come to bed for the longest time. He's eating good again today which is good. He must get comfort from napping in these places where Gb was.

I miss Gb so much.

[Kacy]

Beautiful picture of your boys - almost look like twins! Did you ever have trouble telling them apart? Maybe not, since you could probably see differences between them.

Good that Hamish is eating okay and that he seems comforted by sleeping where Gb had slept. It's a big change for them also. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help them - sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help ourselves, for that matter.

I find that some moments are better than others - mostly when I'm busy and trying not to think about Allie. But it always hits home at some point.

Mary

[kayc]

It's bad enough that we go through grieving, but to think about our animals having to go through it, that's really really hard. I'm glad he finds comfort being where GB had been.

[Marj37]

Beautiful picture of your boys - almost look like twins! Did you ever have trouble telling them apart? Maybe not, since you could probably see differences between them.

Good that Hamish is eating okay and that he seems comforted by sleeping where Gb had slept. It's a big change for them also. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help them - sometimes it's hard to know what to do to help ourselves, for that matter.

I find that some moments are better than others - mostly when I'm busy and trying not to think about Allie. But it always hits home at some point.

Mary

Hi Mary - sure does hit home.

Only a few times did I have trouble telling them apart --- from on top when I would pick up Hamish to give him

Gb's meds by mistake === but I knew as soon as I picked him up because sweet Hamish does like to growl when

he is offended

Iti's so soothing to hear others say that some moments are better than others. Thank you.

[Marj37]

It's bad enough that we go through grieving, but to think about our animals having to go through it, that's really really hard. I'm glad he finds comfort being where GB had been.

Oh Kayc --- I am so hoping he is finding comfort that way. He curls up so pretty - and it makes me cry to see it.

Neither him nor me can erase almost 15 years of bonded living.

[Marj37]

Feel so sad today. Miss Gb so very much.

Here's another pic of the boys..........Gb on the right..........as they would meet me when I returned home.

[MartyT]

So cute, Marj! Gb looks like, "Good thing you're home, Mom. When's dinner? Let's eat!" Your photos of these two are priceless . . .

[Marj37]

My darling furry clown Thanks

[Marj37]

I am trying to be kind and gentle to myself. I was reminded to do that reading my mediation book by Pema Chodron.

It is soooooooo difficult. I still feel so raw and like a part of me has been wrenched away. But I tried for 15 mnutes.

Having my Gb separated from me so fast and then having to let him go in a matter of 48 hours still is so vivid.

And last night was awful......at 3 am I was up trying to open some benadryl to get to sleep and the pills are

tightly in plastic. And so today my body was way out of gear just to begin with.

Take care all you soft people.

The light in me honors the light in you.

[Alabama Nancy]

Marj, Namaste, the light in me also honors the light in you. May you find solace and peace in the knowledge that KB was so deeply loved and had a beautiful life with you. Nancy

[Kacy]

Marj,

It's so difficult when they leave us quickly - not that there is such a thing as being prepared to let them go. I feel the same way - like someone just reached into my life and my heart and just ripped Allie away. I keep questioning if it really happened, then obviously have to face the fact that it did.

I hope that you are able to get some rest. Sometimes hard to do when the memories keep coming back. It's hard to think of even the good memories, because it just makes you realize even more how much you miss them.

Mary

[Marj37]

That is all so true, Mary. Thanks.

Gb was a joy and a happy kitty. Now it's like a pall hangs over the house.........Hamish is a lovely kitty but he is laid back

and of course a senior kitty. Gb never behaved like a senior kitty. Makes my senior self even sadder.

So much of myhouse is geared to hose two.........wanted them to have enenvironment that was stimulating since they couldn't just

go outside any old time. Like a wood stepladder on my little back porch for them to be on and look around - kitties liking to be

up high.. And Gb loved to race up that and sit on top watching whomever came to visit in the yard or the birds at the feeders, just

as an example.

How can one help but cry when it is all so fresh.

[Kacy]

Marj,

I can relate to what you are saying. Everything in our house is geared towards the dogs also - dog beds everywhere, steps so that the smaller dogs can get on the couch, etc. I never thought that much about it because it just seems that the way it should be. But when I think about other people's houses that have dogs (of course, most of them only have 1), it's not really that way.

And Gb sounds a lot like Allie - she did not act old either. I keep thinking how she would run full speed to the back door from being outside - just to get one little Cheerio. So, not only was her death sudden, but she was too young (at least in her mind and my mind) to die. So, I just can't rationalize it. Sounds like it is the same for you.

I hope today is a "softer" day for you (to borrow your friend's words). We are having gloomy days here with some thunderstorms. So, it's hard not to be down.

(Just wanted to add that you might have missed a post by Nancy right before my one yesterday)

Mary

[Marj37]

Hi Mary----

I agree - that is definitely the way it "should be" for our companions.

And I love what you have for the doggies.

Yup - Gb was just like Allie. He was a great one to sneak out the door if I wasn't watching or paying attention ---zoom, he'd hear me open the door

and out he'd go. I would get so exasperated. And boy do I miss all his little quirks of fun he had.

Living in SE Michigan - we have had rain after rain after rain!!!!

[Marj37]

Marj, Namaste, the light in me also honors the light in you. May you find solace and peace in the knowledge that KB was so deeply loved and had a beautiful life with you. Nancy

Maybe someday I'll be there, Nancy........

[Marj37]

3 weeks ago tonight I had to let Gb go...........I am just crying my eyes out..........I miss him so. And I can so clearly see his beautiful

face raised up to me when the doc brought him in wrapped in a blanket.. Oh dear --- I don't know what else to say.

This poem below has beautiful lines in it......but I do weep.

And I keep remembering these lines from Ecclesiastes

----a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

[kayc]

I remember reading that, it brings comfort only knowing they are not completely gone, just changed form, but still we cry because our life as we knew it has changed and we long to have them back together with us again the way it was before.

[Marj37]

I remember reading that, it brings comfort only knowing they are not completely gone, just changed form, but still we cry because our life as we knew it has changed and we long to have them back together with us again the way it was before.

Thanks, Kay ((((((hugs)))))))))

[Marj37]

Hi - I created this graphic today with my PaintShopPro program using the artwork of ©AndyWestface graphic designer as a basis.

Thanks for looking.

[kayc]

That is precious!

[MartyT]

Wonderful, Marj! I've added it to my Pet Loss board on Pinterest, here: https://www.pinterest.com/griefhealing/pet-loss/ ♥

[Marj37]

Thanks, Marty.

[Marj37]

I need to post these thoughts........they keep popping into my mind and I hope to soften them since I miss my

precious Gb so very much. I'm a single older woman and we 3 (Gb, his brother Hamish & I ) were a close family unit

for almost 15 years.

I have never been this sad in all my 78 years.

I know and understand that writing our trauma feelings over and over can be healing. I am putting them our here. I need to do this. I've written it in my journal. And I've cried from the mind pictures.

I can't get out of my head that I didn't sit in the back with Gb in his carrier when we drove all that way to the ER that night. I really feel sick. Like I let him down. Then they rushed him away from me when we entered the door because his breathing sounds were awful. I was glad they were so expedient to help him but I feel wrenched. They let me see him in his oxygen cage before we left and I'd seen the awful xray. And the next night they only let me pet him thru the little hole in the glass ---could I have made a fuss about wanting to put my hole arm in? I wanted to hold him so bad. But I didni't want to upset him. That night he meowed at me and was at the back of the cage. And I'm so sorry he had to spend time in that cage for 48 hours. And the next night is when they took me in a room and the doc came in and said he couldn't breathe outside the oxygen cage and his quality of life was 0. And I agreed to the euthanasia. And she brought him in wrapped in a towel and i wish i could have held him again. but I knew the iv for the med was connected to him. I did get to pet him, to kiss him and

tell him my love. OMG --- I see this scene again and again.

That whole event of those 48 hours intersperses with the wonderful memories I have of him of all these almost 15 years.

I pray that Gb forgives me. I loved him so. I know he loved me. All those snuggles and jowl rubs and kneading and kitty kisses.

I know I have to halt this rerun. I try and replace it with beautiful memories, but it is so strong still. It's only been 3 weeks and 3days and it seems like yesterday.

Every day I set mini-goals and do them. I go to my Yoga. Do some yard puttering. I cuddle and nuzzle brother Hamish. He still looks for Gb.

I bought some Loss Remedy from SpiritEssences and I hope that helps him. I put a bit on me too.

I write in my journal and I write in my Love journal to Gb.

[MartyT]

Marj, my dear, I think you are doing exactly what you need to do as you continue to mourn the loss of your beloved Gb. You are facing your pain head-on and embracing it. Of course you wish you would have held Gb as you rushed him to the ER, and as he lay alone in the oxygen cage, and of course your arms long to hold him still. I hope that when you cuddle and nuzzle his brother Hamish that you pour all that love into him as you think of and remember Gb. I've a feeling that Gb knows exactly what you're doing, and he is sending all his love right back to you. Surely he knows how much you love him, and that love will never die, just as long as you keep his memory alive in your heart.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so, but I also know that the pain you feel is a measure of the great and abiding love you have for your fur baby . . . ♥