Marj37 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 Love to you up there in northern Michigan from down here in SE Michigan, Marty! Thanks so much for "hearing" me. This afternoon Hamish knocked some things off my dresser just like Gb used to do and it gave me a huge laugh. He looked so proud Many hugs, Marj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 20, 2015 Report Share Posted June 20, 2015 Actually, Marj, I'm no longer up there in northern Michigan ~ but I'm sure the love you sent will find me here in Florida anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kacy Posted June 21, 2015 Report Share Posted June 21, 2015 Marj, It's so hard not to relive those last couple of days. I have the same problem. I try to remind myself that Allie is at peace now - she is not going thru that now. Then, I try to think of the good memories. Unfortunately, that sometimes makes me miss her even more. I wish I had some wise words - can only say that I truly understand. I think you're doing all the right things. Sometimes it's a real push to do anything, so I give you credit for that. I'm glad that Hamish made you laugh. They are all special in their own ways - sometimes we just have to look a little harder. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2015 Thanks, Mary. It is in knowing that members understand that keeps me posting in this group. No one pushes any rules or quotes any cliches.......it comes from their (and your) heart of living in this State of Grief with a capital G. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2015 Actually, Marj, I'm no longer up there in northern Michigan ~ but I'm sure the love you sent will find me here in Florida anyway Oh Marty --- you've given up on Michigan winters!!! Yes, sending another love note thataway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2015 This is so dificult to say out from the inside of me. But I'm all right for periods of time and then it hits me smack in my heart----- that this is forever ---- he's not going to be my Gb to love and pet and watch his antics. And I cry. Oh !!!! ---the emptiness........my Hamish kitty is so beautiful and loving and looks for his brother still and that breaks my heart. He is eating ok now, thankfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 22, 2015 Report Share Posted June 22, 2015 I'm so sorry, Marj. I do know how much this hurts, and my heart hurts for you . . . ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 23, 2015 Report Share Posted June 23, 2015 Marj, I am so sorry for your pain and for Hamish' pain as well. I do know the pain and know I will be facing it as well on down the road. The price of loving them is so steep but I wouldn't want life without having had them in it, pain and all. I do hope the pain dulls for you soon to something more doable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2015 I'm so sorry, Marj. I do know how much this hurts, and my heart hurts for you . . . ♥ I thnk you for your caring listening, Marty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2015 Marj, I am so sorry for your pain and for Hamish' pain as well. I do know the pain and know I will be facing it as well on down the road. The price of loving them is so steep but I wouldn't want life without having had them in it, pain and all. I do hope the pain dulls for you soon to something more doable. Hi KayC---I am so grateful for those who have the gift to listen to our hearts. Thank you. I wouldn't want to trade my time with these kitty boys, even tho I miss Gb terribly. I have a heart-full of thanks for their lives with me. I hope Hamish is being soothed as he sleeps where Gb slept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 Hello Last night was 1 month since I let Gb go on. I am sad beyond belief. And I keep rerunning those 48 hours in the ER . And was i selfish to have the euthanasia done right away when I saw how awful the xray was and the prognosis was not good. I wish he could be back. I know he can't. And I keep wondering if I will see him again. Do you think we will???????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 Here I am again.......a few hours later. I was looking at some precious Gb pictures ---- here he is about 8 weeks ago helping me to make my bed. We always had playtime --- I'd run my fingers under the sheet and he'd try to grab them - sometimes he'd hide under the sheet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 25, 2015 Report Share Posted June 25, 2015 I love it, beautiful pictures of a beautiful cat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2015 I love it, beautiful pictures of a beautiful cat! Thanks so very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 Hello--- today, the 26th, is one calendar month since I lost my Gb. I'm missing him so much. And Hamish looks for his brother. , GEtting up in the morning is so hard as Gb was the lively, "let's get the day going" kitty. Tears every morning. hamish is different and he likes snuggles before I get up so we do. Several people I've read suggest honoring our grief. That is hard for me yet in the midst of the pain to hold that . It is in staying behind on earth feeling alone without the animals we love so dearly that is the harder role. The anguish of it comes unbidden, when least expected, seemingly unending, inescapable, dark hours of pain. ---Teresa Wagner And my heart goes out to Mary since her Allie doggie left our world on April 26. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kacy Posted June 26, 2015 Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 Marj, Thank you for your kind words. I know we have to learn to get thru these days, but it sure is hard. Hard to not go back over the day in your mind and wonder what you could have done differently, knowing that it doesn't matter now. Glad that you found the forum. Hope that Hamish is bringing comfort to you today. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2015 Marj, Thank you for your kind words. I know we have to learn to get thru these days, but it sure is hard. Hard to not go back over the day in your mind and wonder what you could have done differently, knowing that it doesn't matter now. Glad that you found the forum. Hope that Hamish is bringing comfort to you today. Mary That sure is so true Mary---- I had a time today when Gb's little face those 48 hours ran thru my mind. So hard, difficult, full of grief & anguish at times. I had Gb's urn by my bed but i can't look at it anymore so I placed it in a pretty basket along with his fur . i happened to find the basket just the right size in my hoard of baskets that I enjoy. Shalom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 The gift is gone - how can we not be sad. My guys entwined themselves into my heart and my daily life. Everywhere I turn I remember Gb there or doing his funny things or his amazing way he walked; those beautiful loving green eyes, his beautiful looking body and his fur so soft that I loved to touch. His little head that always raised up when I petted him or kissed him. He loved belly rubs and brushing. Every morning he'd wait for me after breakfast to go up and brushmy teeth; he'd sit on the toilet seat waiting for me to do his asthma inhaler and have his treat which was "fishie time". Same thing at night. At noon after lunch he'd sit and wait for me to apply his thyroid transdermal med on his ear. So cooperative about these things. We are so gifted with their precious life. I remember last winter one night Gb was snuggled on my lap and I was crying because i knew there would be a future when either of them would have to leave. Never dreaming it would be so soon. I watched the beautiful clip that Marty posted last night --- with many tears. All he says is true. I am still sad as I miss Gb so terribly. And still difficult to believe it really happened . Almost 15 years is many moments of joy and caring for them; putting their health as a primary concern. Taking them outside a little bit on nice days so they had a diversion from the house. Having interesting toys and things to do in the house. And the way Gb slept right next to my head on the pillow. And was good most every night. And if he got restless I'd tell him to snuggle down - and he did. Except on cold dreay days they were mostly awake in the day and spent the night on my bed. I remember when I had to go from a twin to a regular size since they didn't leave me much room on the twin. Gb my beloved soul kitty.........Hamish misses you too. Stay near us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 27, 2015 Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 I've been gone and am trying to catch up reading/posting today. It strikes me that this is a place we can come no matter who we lost that is so important to us. When I lose my Arlie I will be crying my heart out here daily, you can be sure of that. We cannot always save those we want to save, even if they are the center of our world, but we can chose to live each moment with those we have to the fullest so that when we lose someone close to our heart, we will know we lived and loved them to the fullest each and every day we had them. We can also know they exist in a different sphere but still exist and our love continues and at last we will be with them again...that is a day I look forward to with all of my being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2015 I've been gone and am trying to catch up reading/posting today. It strikes me that this is a place we can come no matter who we lost that is so important to us. When I lose my Arlie I will be crying my heart out here daily, you can be sure of that. We cannot always save those we want to save, even if they are the center of our world, but we can chose to live each moment with those we have to the fullest so that when we lose someone close to our heart, we will know we lived and loved them to the fullest each and every day we had them. We can also know they exist in a different sphere but still exist and our love continues and at last we will be with them again...that is a day I look forward to with all of my being. Your Arlie is dear......I saw the pictures. Time goes way too fast it seems to me in the middle of this ongoing sadness. Gb has been gone since May 26 and it feels like yesterday - raw and sad and I miss him. And then can hardly believe it has happened. I told my older son yesterday that 15 years of memories are in my heart and all around my house. He misses him as well since Gb always went to the door when he heard Mark come. And they would play a bit - Gb inviting him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2015 I must say how much I miss the tactile experience of my Gb. I know his spirit surrounds me but how to get used to not having the touch of the body ---- like I usually lay down to read in the late afternoon and the two furkids would always end up with me . Hamish does now but I so miss Gb's body feel on me or next to me. He always wanted to touch my body with his - whether I was reading , watching tv or anywhere. That is such a loss. It really hit me this afternoon. I feel lonely for him. As would everyone who has lost a close human or animal companion. I cried too much and Hamish left this afternoon. I'm sure it was because my body was shaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hi... Today I had an email from our vet....... They have sent me all the images--ultrasound and radiographs. Not only do the lungs look like they are full of tumors, there is almost no healthy lung left. I think Gb stayed with you for as long as he could. He was a great cat. I wanted her to look at them because that was such a trauma during the 48 hours he was in that ER and even the couple days prior. I didn't even know if I was hearing right. My poor baby . In a way the information is helpful - I needed to know exactly - but I am so sad to have lost him. I miss Gb so much. And Hamish looks for him during the day and still naps where Gb napped that last week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 1, 2015 Report Share Posted July 1, 2015 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2015 Report Share Posted July 1, 2015 I feel for you as you got that news. My cat, George (passed nine years ago, hard to believe it's been that long!) had cancer and it broke my heart to think how hard he tried to live with it long past when he should have. The vet pointed it out to me, it was all through his sinuses and into the roof of his mouth. As soon as I knew, I had him put to sleep, I didn't want him to suffer one more second. It's one thing for them to suffer when they can recover, it's quite another when it's hopeless. I didn't want him to suffer for me. I'm glad you know, at last, what it was. And I'm glad your Gb is at peace now and can enjoy heaven while he waits for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2015 Thanks, Kayc --- I've cried all afternoon. Missing him of course - and what a strong guy to stay that long . But I am glad to know --- I needed to know that I was remembering correctly from that xray I saw and the trauma of having him "snatched" from me that night and then 48 hours later having to make the loving decision. So glad we all have each other to "lean on" as the song goes. f there is a load you have to bearThat you can't carryI'm right up the roadI'll share your load Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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