Our Relationship Was Complicated Which Makes Grief Complicated

[sarahj2u]

Alex died of a massive heart attack last August. He was only 42. I'd loved him from the day I met him, 16 years earlier, but our lives weren't in a place then where we could be together. We both had some extremely rough stuff from growing up that we were trying to work through, and when I had to move back to my home state (across the country from him) to help care for my aging parents, we stayed in touch but didn't try to do the long distance relationship thing because they're just too hard.

There was never any question though that I loved him and he loved me, and we never stopped looking toward a future where we would be together. And then he was gone. Just gone. And I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, or if I can. The man who was always in my corner, who was my future, is gone and 9 months later I'm still finding it hard to get out of bed a lot of days. And because of our situation, most people don't know I'm grieving, or even if they do don't understand why it's so hard.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah, and my heart goes out to you.

Your grief is legitimate and real, and you've every right to mourn this death. As you say, because of your situation, most people don't know that you're in mourning, "or even if they do they don't understand why it's so hard." Yours is what is known as disenfranchised grief, and it can leave you feeling very isolated and alone.

I invite you to read this article, as I think it contains some information that will speak to you: Disenfranchised Grief: Mourning The Loss of A Dream

Please know that you are always welcome here. It's a place where it's safe to share what you are feeling, and one where you'll find the empathy, understanding and support that you need and deserve. ♥

[kayc]

Have you considered a grief support group? It might be a way to have your grief acknowledge by others who "get it". You are always welcome here too. Just because people weren't aware of your feelings for each other doesn't make it any less real or any less difficult to deal with. I am sorry for your loss.

[sarahj2u]

Thank you both - it helps to be able to write out my feelings and know that someone hears!

Kay, I live in a pretty small town, and I looked online for local grief support groups but the only one I could find was one specifically for children (18 and under) who are dealing with the loss of a parent.

That led me here, this seemed like the next best thing.

[Guest]

There's great articles at What's your grief too.

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/