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Gf Of 2 Years Takes A Break After A Year Of Father Loss

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Hey everyone.

I read a lot on this website but I can't help feeling that my story differs a little, and I'm naive enough to belive that maybe I still have a chance.

Her father passed away in August 2014, and before out story was really like a fairytale, that too good to be true stuff. She even went 6 months in exchange in us from Paris where we met and I moved, but we were stronger than ever.

After the cancer diagnose and the following death of the Father, she changed but I expected that and did everything to be there for her.

Now I'm in Japan on holiday and she wants to take a break, feeling she needs to be alone. She cares and has feelings for me, she doesn't know if she loves me but she loves me in a way, she is willing to move to Amsterdam to live with me next year but she doesn't know if we have a future.

She destroyed my trip already, but the worst is that I need to wait till beginning of July, when we will meet and she will see me and "see if I still love you" cause she said she needs to see me in person to make a final decision.

I'm not texting her but replying yes. She called me after one day talking about an interview she had as if we were together and added that the next date might be on the day we should have met, my graduation day. She also said tho that she was bothered by that because she doesn't feel like she wants to sacrifice something that for me is important for a job interview. I feel like she switches personalities!

She told me a reason for the break is that she doesn't care about anything else anymore after the dad died, and that is selfish and I deserve better than her. I emailed her giving my opinion to all of that, through what my therapist told me to expect after her father's death and I took some stuff from this site and she replied "thanks for the email, that is interesting".

Now she sends some snaps once or twice a day, she likes my pics on Facebook and commented on one I personally published fishing for her, putting a pic from my trip and the lyrics of our song.

I'm going insane, that is not a surprise, but I'm keeping a diary so at the very least I don't talk to myself when I walk.

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You may feel like you're going insane, but you're not...it is dealing with her changes that don't compute to you that make you feel that way. Everything they demonstrated to us in the past, everything they told us...all of that has suddenly changed with the blink of an eye in a tragic situation called "grief". Grief does things to people, it changes them. I hope your GF will see a grief counselor, it would help her tremendously. But we can't force people to do so even if we know it'd be best, we can only be there for them and decide for ourselves what we will and will not take, and for how long. You say you feel your situation is different...I think all of us had hope...until we didn't, and you're right that each person's experience and journey is unique. Not every one posted here ended in breakup, but most did. But the ones who posted here are the ones reaching out in their anguish and confusion...for each one who posted there are many others who have experienced grief who did NOT break up with their partner or pull away. It does tend to make one introspective but each person reacts differently to grief, some pulling away, some reaching out. Most lose interest in the things that were previously important to them, hobbies, etc. That's not uncommon. Some struggle with finding meaning in life afterwards, but through time may find themselves making the most of everything in a new way. Time will tell what will be.

How are YOU handling things? I hope you are taking care of yourself. I hope as she pulls back or is not around that you will focus on you and seek out friends/family to spend time with. Reconnect relationships that you have neglected. Take up interests, perhaps join a gym or enroll in a class you've put off taking. But keep yourself busy and engaged in life. Try not to put your life on hold while you wait with held breath for HER to decide your future. Your future is YOURS to decide and act upon, it sometimes takes a while to figure that out.

I am sorry for all you are going through. I hope you take my words to heart, as I've been through a great deal and have learned a lot through it, but all WILL work out for your best, even when you cannot see how it's possible. Your future is brighter than you might realize!

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