2 Months Today

[mrundell]

Don's been gone 2 months today... I'm still numb but I continue to go through the motions of everyday life. I don't sleep well. I don't eat. I just "am". I try to stay busy... I've cleaned out his side of the closet. I've learned to shop for one at the grocery store. I have dinner one or twice a week with friends. I'm working on probating the will so that I can sell the extra truck. I've received all the life insurance money....I've closed out his credit cards and bank accounts. I'm wrapping up all the details of his life that he left behind. I keep lists so I don't forget what I've done.... I find I forget the little things.

Everyone asks "how are you doing?"..... From the outside it looks like I'm doing great... going through the motions of life. But, what am I suppose to say? I doing the best I can, but I realize he'd not coming back... period. I won't see or touch or hear him again in this life. I talk to him EVERYDAY and some days, I can almost hear his voice. I miss him so much. I'm not bitter... I'm blessed to have shared his life and his love.

My son seems to be okay. He's 23 and he's sad because he thinks of all the life events his dad will miss. He misses talking to him about sports and life.... he too is existing.

So... I have survived the first two months without him... my new normal. I've learned that I can exist without him, and that I can be alone. The new normal is no longer "new". It's reality. There is no going back, only going forward. Some days are HARD, some days are SAD, and some days just are.....days... moving toward the next milestone in this very long journey.

Thanks for listening..... Micki

[KATPILOT]

Welcome Micki. I am sorry for the reason you came but glad you found this site. It has helped me and after four years, I can say that I have survived if not yet a survivor. The journey continues and soften filled with potholes but hanging "around people who "get it",........... that helps a lot.

[kayc]

Micki,

You seem to be doing better than I was at this point in time, I say "seem" because we can outwardly do these things but inwardly be struggling just as much as the next person. I still talk to George in my mind and sometimes aloud...and it's been ten years. I miss him each and every day. That will never change. Yes I too have learned to live alone and be "just me" although it took me way longer than you to adjust to that and realize it. Years actually.

It's indeed a new life. I'd give anything to have George back and our life back, but that's not our determination, so I have to content myself with what is, there is no other choice. We don't have to like it, just live it.