Copperpot Posted July 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 i am having the toughest time moving past guilt/questioning right now. Sometimes I think Im almost obsessed. I am sure its worse today because i had my grandpas funeral this morning But I just still have so many questions about Chesters death. What caused the encephalitis? Was there anything we could have been more cautious about? I still dont know why it spread so fast, why there were no signs in his bloodwork, why he miraculously snapped out of it & presented almost no signs on our first visit to the neurologist. If his brain was swollen, why did it seem to get better sometimes when we would take him out and then he would decline rapidly at home? I look up things about encephalitis, but they just dont answer these questions. Do you think its important for me to know more about this disease & how it works..so that I can accept the series of events more? Just curious if that has been helpful to any of you. I feel like I dont have full story and its driving me batty. I cant get his "help me mom" face out of my mind. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 If you think it'd help you to know more in order to accept that it really was a losing battle, then by all means, I'd try to learn about it. But most of us feel guilt after death of our loved one, whether husband or pet, because we just automatically feel we should have done something to stop it. The truth is in most cases, we did all we knew to do at the time. We aren't doctors/vets, we don't know everything, nor can we be realistically expected to. What we know in our brains doesn't necessarily stop us from feeling those emotions though because quite frankly, emotions need no basis, they just are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 Hi --- I sure do agree with KayC. learn all you can about it. Even contact the vet and make an appointment for a consultation. It you make an appointment you can even ask them to schedule you for the amount of time you think you need. I sometimes get those same feelings about Gb. And it is a really strong emotion when it happens and I have to ride it out. Intellectually I know I took super care of him --- but the emotions gets so tangled and I miss him so much all the day long since the cute guy was always keeping me company around the house and the sweet memories do hurt when they are gone. Oh my!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copperpot Posted July 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Ive decided, at least for now, to not pursue further exploration on the disease & everything involved. Just doing a bit more digging on my own made me extremely anxious & didnt give me any peace. I may change my mind though, doing a lot of that these days! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 However we get through this journey is the best way for us at the time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Ive decided, at least for now, to not pursue further exploration on the disease & everything involved. Just doing a bit more digging on my own made me extremely anxious & didnt give me any peace. I may change my mind though, doing a lot of that these days! Hi - you will know what you need if you listen to your inner self. And then follow that path. And sometimes knowing is helpful and sometimes it adds to anxiety like you have experienced. We are here to support you even in our own sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copperpot Posted July 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 I am a bundle of nerves tonight. I am still in such grief about Chester. Nevertheless, my husband and I have decided to get another pup & we are picking him up tomorrow. We didnt make the decision easily & I know our motivation & the timing is right. But it still feels terribly bittersweet. We are going to take Chesters ashes with us and go to the beach. Since we promised him & never got around to it. I dont think we will scatter the ashes as we once thought though. I just cant let go of them yet. My emotions are all over the place about this trip. Taking him there this way and not being able to see him romp in the waves. Its already killing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 How'd it go? Did you get one yet? I hope it goes well. Puppies can be overwhelming at first! We get used to our older dogs and all their training and then to have to start over again... Don't hurry scattering his ashes, take your time with it, there's no timetable. You will know when it is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copperpot Posted July 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 We did go to get our pup today. It was a long road trip & we are just now home. Its so very emotional and I have been questioning myself all day. Our pup could not be any more different than Chester. In some ways it makes me miss him even more. I wasnt even sure that was possible. I know this will be a blessing & he is a wonderful little dog. In so many ways Im just still so hung up on chester.. ? but I will try to embrace this new journey with strength and optimism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Sometimes I think different is good in this situation. No one can replace Chester, but this little pup will worm it's way into your heart for the special things he has. If anyone can break through the grief stricken heart, I would think a puppy would be up to the challenge. I hope today he will bring a smile to you, even if only for a moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marj37 Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 And what is the new puppies name? I agree ---- no one can replace Chester. And I'm keeping my Gb ashes - not scattering them. I think you will be glad you kept Chester in your home. Bittersweet as it is . I remember years back being afraid I could not love my Gb and Hamish after losing a special cat........but it didn't take long and the fear was gone and the love overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copperpot Posted July 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 We are not 100% sure, but right now we are calling him Finn. We will see if it sticks. He is so sweet & very gentle by nature. We are really enjoying him! Chester is a particularly hard act to follow. His zest for life was unparalleled. Its Impossible to accept that something so bright could fade out so quickly. The ashes are both a comfort & a burden. He feels close when they are there, but thinking of him there, in a small box, sitting in deafening silence, is such a reminder of the big personality we are missing :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 My heart goes out to you. My Arlie is vastly different from my Lucky...she was so well behaved, such a good girl, yet timid, whereas Arlie is extremely self-assured and required a LOT of training when I got him! I think sometimes it was good that they were so different as it didn't feel like I was trying to replace Lucky. I appreciate the good qualities about each. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 Carrie, I believe your heart will open quickly to your new little one. I thought I could not, and would not, love another Doxie after Catey Elizabeth, because losing her, and hearing her scream in agony (euthanasia went badly) hurt beyond what I thought I could ever bear again. My way was to avoid that awful pain, but Jerry and Amberly needed another Doxie in order to heal. My love for the two of them made me relent. That was fifteen years and a house full of Doxies ago. We wanted another little red sable girl. We located a breeder in San Diego who had one. When we first saw Callie's photo online, I fell in love with her sweet little face. I told Jerry, "We're pregnant!" I said that for we had to wait a while before we were allowed to have her. She wasn't old enough, and we had to prove we were suitable parents and that our household was safe. We had visiting privileges, so we made a few trips to San Diego before bringing her home. San Diego is over 8 hours south of us, so we spent a night there each trip. We found Ashely and Beauregard when we first visited Callie, so our "pregnancy" produced triplets. Our family increased by 3 wee cousins. Ashely (born June 28) was one day older than Callie, and was always little and frail. Some would call her a runt, but not safely within my hearing. She was just small-boned. When I'd want to get a rise out of Jerry, I'd tell her affectionately, "Your daddy was a Chihuahua, and your mama was a squirrel." Jerry would tell me, "Stop that!" Well, San Diego is very close to the Mexican border . . . . I have a good imagination, so I'd tell him a story about a little Chihuahua slipping across the border one moonlit night, and then singing and prancing all the way home. He liked my story, but didn't ever buy it. Beauregard was a few weeks older than our girls (born in May), so we brought him home first and wondered whatever we had done. This little red streak had an affinity for the knots in our knotty pine walls, and those first teeth were razor-sharp. We sort of needed the lower knots as well as those higher up. Living with 3 fun-loving, never-still Doxies has been a wild ride. It's like having 3 two-year-olds in the house at one time. All were potty box trained, so I've had a lot of diapers to change several times a day for a long time. Even so, I surely wish I could hear them racing through the house at full speed, and yapping all the way. I'd add "just one more time," but one could never be enough. You are a good mommy, with much love to offer your new baby, Carrie. You will do well. Were my circumstances different, I would be eager to hold another baby close, for Jerry and Amberly were right about getting another one (make that three). Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 As for the ashes, I know I must keep the ashes of our babies, but there is no right or wrong. As others have said, follow your heart, and take your time. Long ago when Amberly's cat D.G. died, Jerry thought Amberly simply had to bury him. He was very firm with her about it. He thought her keeping D.G. in her room might harm her emotionally. Amberly buried and dug up that cat three times before he gave up and allowed her to keep him. We would have a funeral, go on a business trip, and she'd dig him up again. He decided what she was doing was worse than keeping him, so he allowed her to keep him in a drawer. Over the years, the drawer became too full of cats, and her duck named Bruce, so we decided to give them a warm, dry place in what could be called a little basement underneath our house. We thought we would put our Doxies there, but once they were placed on the top shelf of the bookcase, there they've stayed. Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copperpot Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Carrie, I cant believe you signed up for 1 doxie & got 3! How did that happen?? We also got our new little pup from san diego :-) I think we are quite set on keeping the ashes for now. He is in our room & it just feels really right. Having the little one around is a lot of fun, but may have brought some hurt to the surface.. I had a dream about Chester last night. In the dream I knew he wasnt supposed to be there and I was always checking to see if he was still there. I kept thinking, how can I keep him here? He came up to me & I was hugging him so tightly and at the same time telling my husband how much I missed him. When I woke up I cried for such a long time. Just felt like I lost him all over again. I prayed all morning about it. So glad I work from home today. I am a wreck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RP Posted September 11, 2015 Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful dog. His love and loyalty and trust for you is in his eyes. I understand this guilt you feel. I feel it too. I think it is related to pet loss somehow. I hope you can find comfort in your memories and the great life you gave him. You are in his heart now as much as he is in yours. Hold on to that. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copperpot Posted January 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Its been a long time since Ive been on here. You all were so helpful for me in my grief about Chester and I am beyond thankful. I am now facing a new challenge. We had to put our 11 yr old poodle Daisy to sleep this morning. I know it was the right thing to do, but It hurts so deeply. My dogs are everything to me. I was completely unprepared to lose her so soon after Chester... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 I am so sorry, that is too hard. My sympathy to you, I wish there were some way I could ease your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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