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"If you bring forth that which is within you, Then that which is within you Will be your salvation. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, Then that which is within you Will destroy you." from the Gnostic Gospels

Levine, Peter A.; Frederick, Ann (1997-09-08). Waking the Tiger:

"Real grief is not healed by time...if times does anything, it deepens our grief. The longer we live the more fully we become aware of who she was. Love often makes itself visible in pain."
Henri Nouwen

In the first months I experienced anxiety and fear, something like a panic attack. The irrational idea that this event of loss was going to repeat itself. My body was trying to release the shock, something humans don’t do well. I didn’t feel like this was a time to be a hero and took anxiety meds as sparingly as I could They helped to ease my body so that I wouldn’t be presented with an additional challenge. In time I started observing why I was having anxiety and when it was happening. I saw that anxiety was really just whatever it was I was holding and not releasing. Crying was having the same effect as the meds because it was bringing up my soul contents and releasing it. The other “fix” for me was laying directly on the earth and breathing. In time, both of these began to replace the meds.
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I am lacking a word to respond, this is beautiful.

I love the quotes, I am a fan of Henri Nouwen anyway.

Your insight is amazing, I'm glad you shared.

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