Grief And The Brain

[lightdancer]

Grief and the Brain

Exploring information on how the brain reacts to grief helped me in a couple ways. In the early days of loss, I could only process bits and pieces of information. If I received an email asking me to respond to more than one or two questions, I quickly bypassed it, procrastinated or just deleted it. I could have an entire conversation with someone only to come away from it realizing I had heard nothing. At work I had to plan more carefully so as to not put myself in a position of having to make sudden decisions. The process of decision-making was monumentally difficult. Brain-power was just generally not there. I removed myself from committee work and extra-curricular activities so I could apply my brain power to self-care.

I now understood why I was having irrational fears and even panic attacks. My right brain was saying that if it was a Sunday afternoon and I was home alone with Dillon, then tragedy was going to strike. There was no separating the past to the present. Where was my left, logical brain when I needed it? It is why anniversaries started producing, not just sadness, but anxiety. My right brain was telling me that what happened in 2010 was going to repeat itself in 2011 as well as all subsequent years. It is why, on the way home from work one day, I went into a panic. I got home and burst through the door in a tearful train wreck, sobbing that Chloe wasn’t okay. It was a tug of war. I knew everything was fine, but that other part of me was saying that what happened in the past is happening right now.

When I started to see that reactions could start forming habits of fear, whenever a trigger would appear, I could say to myself, “this is 2012, not 2010.” I could also choose a left-brain activity to help me reset my brain, or to switch over to another channel. However, it took more than mantras and awareness. It took help from Chloe. On the night that I had the train-wreck, sobbing attack was the night I had the dream about the magnificent bird in the sky which appeared and disappeared, leaving the message that "I am always with you whether you can see me or not." The next day was when I received the message about Chloe’s constant presence with me. This is yet another way in which both Science and Spirit have helped me in my grief.

[kayc]

It is so true. I cannot see my husband. I cannot feel his physical touch. I cannot hear his audible voice. But he is here with me, always.

[jame57]

I still find myself making silly errors and forgetting things even now 12 months on. I foolishly thought the cognotive impacts were confined to the initial weeks or months.....how wrong was I. It lasts a whole lot longer, all part of grief.

What a wonderful dream Lightdancer...incredible.

[kayc]

I'm wondering sometimes if grief doesn't alter the brain because mine never did seem to get back to where it was before in terms of focus.