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14 Weeks And Counting

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This really is a long and lonely road... it's been almost 14 weeks since Don died. It still feels like yesterday. I miss him SO much... I thought it would get easier, but no, it's not easier. It still hurts so much and I still feel empty inside.

Tomorrow my sons and I meet with the judge to probate the will... I think I've been in a funk all weekend thinking about this and the finality of Don's will. I hear a song from the 70s or 80s and I'm in tears. I open drawers and just close them. I expect Don to walk into our bathroom in the morning and talk about the recent golf tournament.

I'm hoping tomorrow is a step forward, as I can now sell our extra vehicle and handle many of the financial details of our old life. I've decided to "retire" from my job in January. I just can't focus like I just to. My heart isn't in it... I don't know yet what I'm going to do next... I have time to figure out what's next. for me.. I've had the same stressful job for over 23 years. I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to "reinvent" myself. My kids are grown... no grandchildren... so we'll see what God has in store for me.

No matter what happens... I love my husband and feel blessed to have shared his life and his love for 28 years. I would give it all to have him back in my life just for day... to hug him and smell him.... to hear his laugh and see his smile and to tell him I love him one more time. And while it's still very painful and the absolutely the hardest thing I've ever experienced.... I'm just a little better today than I was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.

Thanks for listening. It's so good to know I'm not along on this very long road!


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Dear Micki,

My heart hurts for you, and I wish I knew just the right words to give you the most comfort. I just want you to know I care that you are hurting, and missing your Don so much. I admire you for your positive attitude while in the midst of such powerful pain.

I am happy to hear you are anticipating what God has in store for you. You are looking to the right and best Source. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. It does sound like you are ready for a change from your work environment. Retirement is a huge step, but we usually know when it's time to change, or quit for good. Some of us retire a few times before its permanent. That's all right also.

Getting the legal things behind you will be a blessing, and a relief.

May God continue leading you, and may He bless you in all your endeavors. You are right in saying that you are not alone on this very long road. We will be here to walk with you.



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Hoping all goes well with the probate and it's not too upsetting for you. Yes, it is a long lonely journey. I'm glad that you can see it gets a tiny bit better each day, it does, although we can't discern it while we're in it because we still miss them, still cry, etc. And we'd give everything to have one day back with them. Hell, to have five MINUTES with them!

I wish you well with your retirement, I hadn't planned on retiring so soon (my 61st birthday, nearly two years ago), but my job was cut and I'd already experienced enough job searching to not want to go through it again, plus with the long commute and two people hitting my vehicle (one the night before my layoff) I decided to get off the road.

It can take a year or so to adjust to retirement, it helps to have plans in place to fill your days, esp. since you're alone. I volunteer at my church and also the senior site, it helps give me some balance of time away/time at home, to my week. I've had opportunity to apply for a couple of part time jobs and elected not to. Am liking not working for someone! Volunteering can have the same stress as a job but yet it's different too, you know you can get out of it, whereas being locked in to a working position is not always that simple.

I just got my first grandbaby, a whole new chapter, can't wait for her to get old enough for me to take her for a couple of days!

Thinking of you and all of the others here...

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Micki, I know you are missing Don so much, and this probate, knowing it is his last will and testament, will be hard for you. I hope it went well, and good that your sons were with you. My husband died 5 1/2 years ago from massive coronary, no illness, no warnings, just in an instant. I retired a year and 4 months later. I was 65 by that time. I love retirement. I already was very involved in community theater (acting, directing, on the board, officer), as was Mike. I made that my retirement "job", and with a few rocky hick-ups, am enjoying it. I am secretary at this time, and just finished directing a play in June, where the playwrights actually attended from New York! Very exciting for me and our Theatre Company. Kay is right that you will need to do something in retirement, it would be so easy for me to sit and read and never get up, but that would not be good for me.

Thinking of you and praying. I know these are really hard times, and I hope you know we have your back here on this site.


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