Maureen Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 my mom got sick 3 yrs. ago, wouldn't see a doctor, and went blind, had bad headaches, and changed visibly. i stopped working to stay home with her, very terribly confused about what was going on, and couldn't force her to go to a doc or do anything.she became delusional, hearing things, very disoriented, albeit blind in one eye for years, just lost the sight in the other eye recently. very odd behavior, very stubborn, completely confusing. legs swelled, all sorts of things happened. i offered so many times help for her, and to take her to a doc, and when she became unable to both see and walk due to the legs and the disorientation, offered to call an ambulance for her and stay with her in the er, of course. she refused flat out, if i couldn't take her she wouldn't go. i'm too small and would never have hazarded that. this was since the end of 2002. sept.2003 she collapsed, and had several grand mal seizures, was unconscious, and alternating babbling strange talk at someone behind me that night. i called my sister and finally convinced her to come to my home, not knowing that what my mom was having were grand mals. we ended up hospitalizing her. she was unconscious for 28 hrs. and then in the hospital for a week. she'd had 7 grand mal seizures, a full team of neurologists could not find what caused it, and she was *different and damaged* ever since.a month in a rehab/nursing home and she was miserable. wanted to come home to her own home to be with me and die in her own home. i brought her home. she was home here for 2 years, steadily going downhill. i made sure she had everything she needed ~ doctors came to the house, even the dentist. she had a beautiful and comfortable bedroom ~ breakfast nook, commode, everything she needed or wanted. she wanted to just stay in that room as she could no longer walk and see and felt comfy there.throughout all this, my sisters, who had distanced themselves from their mother for years, and were very hostile to her, one visited her once. the other (that had come to my home that night) promised me she'd visit every month, give me a couple of hours break, take care of my mom. she came, ate my food, talked about herself for hours, visited with her mother for about 20 minutes each time, and never once said hey go, i've got everything covered. take a break. she never even pottied her mom ~ not hard ~ we're all girls, right? always came marching in to me and said you better get in there, she's gotta go. that's YOUR job.my mom was sometimes alert, and almost like "my mom" sometimes, and lots of times she was "out there" confused, and i can't even explain. didn't matter to me. bottom line, she stopped eating and drinking in august 2005 and passed away for my birthday the same month. i was SO very happy for her, because she was in intolerable pain, to the point that the morphine and other drugs hospice provided for her weren't quite covering it anymore. i came in to the room as she passed away and i was SO ecstaticly happy for her that the pain and misery was over!!! thanking the good lord so happily that my mom was finally free.one sister came down that night after i'd had my mom's body removed. never said a word about mom. the two of them came down again the next day. not a tear was shed, not a word spoken. they claimed they'd come for ME????? i haven't heard from one ever again, the other like twice. i handled everything, settling the estate, getting my businesses back in order so i could keep the roof over my head, etc. now, 4-5 months later, i'm crying every day almost. i am SO alone. on christmas not one relative called to see how i was faring the first set of holidays w/o my mom. not one. not a christmas card, not anything. insincere attention i do not need, hence i'm not upset about that. but what is this overwhelming sense of feeling SO alone, so questioning my own existence, my own worthiness, these heartwracking crying jags? i can literally feel my heart breaking. can ANYONE shed any light on this or am i going bats???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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