Contact from our loved ones

[debi.williams]

It is 1 month now that my beloved partner died so suddenly from a brain haemorrhage. I feel as though the world has become a place I don't know anymore and I am terrified. I was just wondering if anyone had felt some genuine contact from their loved after their passing?......

[MartyT]

Debi, my dear, you might find this thread to be of interest: Signs/messages  ♥ 

[Froggie4635]

Dear Debi,

Sometimes when we are in the deep depths of our grief, it is so hard to feel or see or know that our loved ones are still with us.  Sometimes our beliefs do not allow us to have such beliefs.  Also, the protective "fog" that envelopes us and protects us, sometimes makes it hard to "feel" or "see" signs that they are still with us.  It may not be easy to blindly say, "Yes, I know he would still be here."  Mark has been gone almost 9 months, and I have not yet had a dream of him. But I can "feel" his energy with me, especially those times when I need it the most.  If you need help finding resources to help you with your questions, I would be glad to help.

[scba]

Dear Debbie,

Sometimes the pain we feel doesn't allow us to feel their presence. I had regular dreams with my boyfriend for 6 months, then they stopped. I dont' feel his presence, I think because a part of me "refuses" to think he is gone, before it was so real, now it all seems a bad and painful dream. Tonight I dreamed that I had to call him because it has been long since we hadn't talked, so I grabbed his phone. I woke up knowing I can't phone him anymore....

I thought that in order to be in contact with them you had to be "religious", but according to what I've been told, it doesn't work with a strict rule. My cousin lost his father many years ago, she was very close to him, she is very catholic, yet she never had dreams with him nor felt him around. I sincerely have no clue of how it works, which upsets me since I want so much to feel my boyfriend and be with him, even if it is not the same way as before. I have issues with the "acceptance" part, if such thing is ever going to happen.

[debi.williams]

Thank you so much for your responses and I apologise for starting a new post when I see this subject has been very much discussed before. Thank you Marty T for the link which is brilliant. Maryann you make a very good point about the 'fog' and the fact you feel Mark around is very comforting to me. If you have found any resources that have helped you I would be most grateful for them My man and I believed in life after death and he had had a few experiences as have I. For some stupid reason I imagine he would be so devastated to have left us (our 15 year old son also we have no other living family now) I think my expectations are unrealistic as I was hoping/expecting him to pop up everywhere and I know that is my deepest grief talking. I lost my mother only last year and both my partner, my son and myself were deeply effected by her death. My partner would comfort me continuously but now I am just overwhelmed.

Scba, I sincerely feel that religion is not the key to this although I have no clue, like you, how 'it' works. Oh that we did. I totally get your 'acceptance' issues, I think that is the hardest part of it really because we are programmed to be realistic and practical and may try and find a way to explain 'it' away....

[Froggie4635]

Debi,

I have had a few "things" that have happened that reassure me that Mark is still around me.  Even this far out, I still don't give myself enough quiet time to "listen" or "see" the signs.  There have been a couple times when I was at church with my MIL (I am NOT a regular church goer, I go to help her) and did bow my head, and heard the words "I love you".  In my heart, I know that Mark was speaking to me.  I try not to think about it too much, because I still get really emotional at the idea of him speaking to me. 

I had the opportunity (and I know that Mark was behind it) to go on a special trip, and spend time with someone that Mark knew would be able to give me messages.  I have posted the experience here, and I am sorry to others who read if I am repeating it. I am not sure how familiar you are with cable television shows, but there is one that Mark and I would watch called "Long Island Medium" (do a search and you will find many YouTube videos about her).  Circumstances made it possible for me to be in her presence, and she gave me messages from Mark.  Because he had been gone such a short time (6 months), there wasn't a lot of them, but she validated and gave me proof that Mark has been there to see things.  She told me that he touches me (his spirit) and I confirmed with her what she told me.  I feel the energy, like a tickling, across my shoulders, the back of my neck and across the side of my face.  Some times it is VERY strong.  She also gave me the message that he knows I did everything I could to save his life (she said he saw me working on him, giving him chest compressions).  She told me he explained that he was at the end of his block of time on this Earth.  She also told me that he went to save me from having to make a difficult decision.  I looked into his medical records before I even went on the trip, and I learned that there were indications that he would have been on life support, had he not passed.  I had evidence that somewhere his soul knew he was going....things I saw and remembered he had said after he passed just showed me he knew and was preparing. 

The days right after he passed, I had the strong feeling that he was there; I felt something was wrapped around me, almost like a blanket.  I will try and find some things you could use to help you.  I have a few books that I am working through, reading a little at a time (my retention is still not real good).  There is a little weekly magazine I like to get and it always has a story about being contacted by our loved ones.  It is by Doreen Virtue.  You might also do some searches with her name and see if any of it speaks to you.

[debi.williams]

Dear Maryann, I can't thank you enough for sharing your experiences because I know it is not easy. I understand totally that there is a powerful emotional feeling behind the idea he was speaking to you and that is hard to bear, but wonderful too.

I am familiar with the Long Island Medium. I watched a few of her shows and always wondered if it was real so if you got personal proof that makes me so happy for you and for all the others I have seen her give readings to. I understand what you mean about the tickling because when mum passed I got the feeling someone was stroking my hair, this was many months after. It happened quite a few times and although there is no pressure to it it is like the hair on the top of my head has a tickly electric feel to it. It is one of those things that you are aware of though and question rather than fully believe. I have had it twice since my wonderful man passed. I am beginning to believe in the notion that everyone has an allotted time, my partner always felt he would not make old bones. I am fascinated Maryann when you say that you felt his spirit knew with the things you saw and that he said. On his final morning my gorgeous man Mathew said some totally random but heart stopping things of importance, so much so that I said to him 'that is very random where did that come from?'

It is evening here and the day hasn't been a good one. I have that heavy weight feeling in my chest and the tears are never far. I have a leaking boiler and despite making an appointment for a technician to come and fix it (I sat from 12-5pm) he turned up at 7pm and then as he couldn't find a place to park easily said he would come back 'another day' on Mathew's last morning he said he would fix the boiler that afternoon but it was not to be because of the terrible events. Stupid isn't it to get so upset about a boiler but I felt like tearing my hair out. It felt like the last straw. My lovely man was so practical and able to fix literally anything from cars to entire central heating units. I am a single parent now with no living family and sometimes stupid things tip you over the edge. 

Thank you for the information about Doreen. I will look for her now. I bought 2 books after my mum died last year which I can highly recommend. One called 'I wasn't ready to say goodbye' which deals with sudden death in such a way you feel they are speaking to you and the other 'From grief to joy' which deals with the spiritual element. 

Your kindness in sharing your experience is the only thing today that has lifted my heart

[kayc]

debi,

I understand.  Sometimes it IS the stupid things that send us over the edge!  I hope you believe me when I tell you YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.  Sometimes if FEELS doubtful, but we learn just how strong we are in a new way when we no longer have anyone else to help us through things.  Of course there's the nights lying awake worrying about things, but little by little I'm learning to set aside the worry about things I can't change and continue in the hope that tomorrow I'll know just what to do.

[kevin]

I have experienced "something" twice now and am a believer........Reading up on the"resurrection" and how this is to play out in the end gives me some hope. Even started going to Church just to follow up on our "Bucket List".......I find it so difficult from being the Care Giver 24/7 to absolutely nothing but looking after myself..............Found a site that gave me some tips and it was all about keeping yourself busy and healthy, and in time, the old you and new you will come together..........this new journey has it's Challenges.....

[kayc]

I'm glad you got some helpful tips.  It is true, it's important to focus on our health and well-being, just as you did your loved one when needed.

[debi.williams]

Thank you all so much for your support. I don't quite know how I would be without having found this wonderful site and that you take time to help others when you are all grieving yourselves shows the best of humanity.

Kevin, you may not be ready or even want to share your 2 experiences and I understand that but if you are able I would love to hear them. I can only imagine that no longer being the care giver leaves such an enormous hole. This was your routine and it is like you have to rewrite your life from scratch adding grief to the mix.

KayC, your words of support are a huge comfort. This is a bad day as it is 1 month to the day that he collapsed. Despite his official death being 6.15pm on 2nd August I believe he died 1 month today. His brain was unresponsive and the 24 hours extra made no difference to that. This time just 1 short month ago we were having lunch and everything was normal. We always believed that men and women are put together and are the missing half necessary in the eyes of God to get through, experience and enjoy life and I feel my soul has been ripped out, I am so raw inside. Tomorrow our 15 year old son (will I have to start saying 'My' son instead of OUR son now?) begins school again after the summer break. He is so brave and he is hurting so much. He is an amazing boy soon to be a man and has all the goodness and spirituality of his father. Mathew deserved to live to see him hopefully graduate, to see him get a good job, hopefully marry and have our grandchildren and Max deserved to have his father by his side.

Mathew and I used to fantasise about holding our grandchildren. Some other people dream of riches and power. Ours were such ordinary, ordinary dreams but even these proved unachievable.

In grief you don't just weep for yourself do you? You weep for all those who have lost and I sometimes feel my most intense grief is for our son and his beautiful father and all the moments to come not shared. We wanted so many children but we met too late (I was already 35) we sadly had a miscarriage when I was 42 so Max is an only child, as I am, to my and our eternal regret. I weep for Mathew's brother who lost his wife to breast cancer last year at the age of 46 and now he has lost his brother. My beloved came from Iran and me from London England. We used to joke it was 2 empires (British and Persian) colliding!  It doesn't matter where you are born or the colour of your skin, when you know you know. You know you have come home when you look into the pair of eyes meant for you. 

When I had to tell his brother that Mathew had died he told me there is a saying in Persian 'this one broke my backbone' and I know exactly what he means. Mathew was the backbone for his brother through his grief over his wife and he was the backbone of our family. 

I should be starting work tomorrow but I just can't face it. Our office is full of the orchids he gave myself and my business partner for good luck. He built the doors to separate the rooms. He dropped me off every morning, he picked me up every evening, he popped in with a sandwich at lunch. He stood by our side during 2 robberies. WE had no separation. I am just not ready 

[scba]

In grief you don't just weep for yourself do you? 

Personally I think that we grieve our past, because our loved ones are "stuck" in there. My boyfriend's smile is in the past. We grieve our present because it is a place we have never wanted to be, even if we are in the same city and house of before. At this time of the year we would be planning our wedding, but I woke up in my old room at my parent's home. We grieve our future because our dreams with our spouses and partners have been destroyed.I will never be his bride nor the mother of his sons. We grive for us, and we grieve for them because they loved life and they wanted to live and to be with us and keep dreaming and smiling with us.

If you feel more comfortable with saying our son, keep it saying. Whatever is good for you. 

[debi.williams]

So true Scba. My heart goes out to you because I imagine you as a beautiful bride and then in time holding your children together with your lovely husband. How quickly and irrevocably hideous events can change our entire destiny. All our hoped for tomorrows become the dust of our yesterdays. Like you, I grieve for my partner because he had so much more of life to experience and so much more love to give and receive. He wanted to see his beloved country with us, through our eyes. Just one more time - he hadn't been back in 25 years. To see his ailing dad just one more time and his brothers and sisters. He wanted to fish in the Caspian Sea.  He wanted to visit China, he wanted to visit Scotland and surf in his life just once (he had bought a board). 

You are right, I will say OUR son, because that is the truth after all and he wouldn't be the boy he is without his father. Thank you Scba

[kayc]

debi,

I hope you're seeing a grief counselor.  If you can afford to wait to go back to work, then I would...I had to go back two weeks after my husband died.  It was very hard to do so, but it also was my salvation because I had a very supportive workplace and it got me out of the house and kept me occupied 8-10 hours/day.  I understand...George and I were always together when we weren't working...he had Fridays off and would come by my workplace and take me to lunch, and be there Friday night at 5:00 ready to start our weekend.  He called me on his breaks, we made every chance to connect and be together.

 

When the time comes that your son is getting married, having babies, etc. and you want to share it with your husband...do.  I talk to my husband all the time, and I like to think he's there with me when I go through these things.  I know people would think I was nuts...people who haven't been through it.  I don't worry about them, I know my fellow grievers understand.

[kayc]

scba,

You not only lost your fiance, but it's a loss of your hopes and dreams and plans for the future.  That is a lot to grieve.  It's got to be hard being back in your parents' place instead of starting life with a new husband, like every day is a rude awakening.  I hope your parents are able to comfort you.  You don't say how it's going with your friends, are they supportive?  Sometimes it's hard for friends to understand, not having been through it themselves.  I hope you're at least able to get out now and then.

[debi.williams]

KayC that must have been so tough going back just 2 weeks after your beloved George passed. You were and are very brave. I can only imagine how difficult you found Fridays. Extreme as this may sound I think everyone should be allowed just to hit 'pause' for 6 months in order to cry at will and scream and shout if they choose to, but financial necessity doesn't provide for that of course.

I am seeing a grief counselor on 16th as I can't cope , I realise that. I wasn't even an inch through grieving my mum when this, the worst of all happened. My lovely man was helping me so much deal with both our feelings of grief over my mum and now he is gone. Before the machines were turned of our son whispered in his dadd's ear, 'give our love to Grandma'

It is so hard KayC when you, like me, connect our love ones with our working environment. So people's partners never go near their places of work so there is no connection which probably makes it easier, I just don't know. I MUST return soon as my business partner has been very good (he adored my husband- everyone did) but is very tired too.

I will continue to talk with my husband as you do with your George. Like you I don't care what people think but anyone who has gone or is going through this journey will understand. Why wouldn't George be there to listen to you when he always  was in life ? I am sure my husband will be too. At the moment because I am so raw my talking to him consists of deep crying or tears as I repeat his name and the many pet names I had for him.  It mostly consists of 'come back'

[kayc]

debi,

Yes financial constraints often dictate differently than our emotional needs do.  But for me, it was a godsend too, because my coworkers and boss were so wonderful and supportive.  People knew and loved George.  

When you have such an interactive relationship such as ours, it's going to touch every avenue of your life...workplace, church, friends, finances, home, kids, just everything.  And with the greater love seems to come greater grief.  Even though it's the price we now pay, I wouldn't do away with a moment of my relationship with George.

I'll always cry out to him.  I wish I could have an audible answer, or a hug, but I have to satisfy myself with what I know to be true and continue to live by faith.  I had a dream about him Tuesday morning, it seemed so real.  I wish I could have more.

[debi.williams]

KayC

That you so totally understand (and others here too) is a comfort. You said you had a dream about George, maybe there was a message for you?

I had a dream about Mathew yesterday very early evening.  For the first time. Well it wasn't really a dream as I was laying on my bed half awake but with eyes closed. Someone invisible was holding out a hand to him and he emerged from a trap door in the floor. He was wearing vivid colours and he walked towards me although he wasn't looking directly at me. His hair was a bit of a mess and he had a full moustache which he intermittently grew and then shaved off. Then he turned and I opened my eyes and it was gone. The colours though were incredible as was every detail on his face so it really wasn't like any normal dream I have experienced. I have no idea what it meant. It lasted probably 10 seconds.

Today is not a good day. I have to go to the shop as we are out of all the usual things like milk, cereals etc. I don't drive and it is raining. My legs are shaking and I know I must be brave but I don't feel it.

[scba]

Keep that dream close to your heart.

 

[kayc]

Mine wasn't so much a message as reflective of what I'm feeling, but it was nice to see him again for a while.  Makes you not want to wake up.

[debi.williams]

I will Scba I wonder what it meant? I know what you mean KayC I wanted it to go on and on.....

Today is the first day I have to put on makeup since I put some on for the funeral. I have to go and test the English level of 10 foreign students and I have been huffing and puffing about it. It is so stupid how the smallest things become mountains. I never fully realised how exhausting grief can be even when I lost mum last year I don't think I felt this tired but then I had his shoulder to lean on and cry on. 

[scba]

I don´t know what it may mean...perhaps that his soul / new self is evolving? What do you think?

I know how trying is to grief, and yes, it feels like hiking a mountain without enough oxygen. Today I'm exausted too so I decided to work on my embroidery project. It helps me to focus. 

[debi.williams]

I hope you are right I love that possibility and find it comforting. I keep praying for some tangible signs from him, we both believed in it and he had several signs after my mum died as did my son and I. He was the type of person who would come through forcefully if he could knowing it is a huge comfort to those left behind. 

That is an excellent description scba of grief, it feeling like being without enough oxygen...I find myself sighing constantly at the simplest tasks almost as if I am trying to get enough breath in my lungs. I wish I had your talent for embroidery! I went to an all girls primary school and was thrown out of needlework class for being very bad at it...