HisBaby Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 I feel so lost... I don't want to continue anymore.. I feel trapped... I just want him back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 I'm sorry...do you care to tell us about him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted September 19, 2015 Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 I am so sorry too. We know how you feel. Please come back here and tell us your story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 heard this old song that hit home today..........Bobby Goldsborrow?See the tree, how big it's grownBut friend it hasn't been too longIt wasn't bigI laughed at her and she got madThe first day that she planted it, was just a twigThen the first snow cameAnd she ran out to brush the snow awaySo it wouldn't dieCame runnin' in all excitedSlipped and almost hurt herselfAnd I laughed till I criedShe was always young at heartKinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her soAnd I surprised her with a puppyKept me up all Christmas Eve two years agoAnd it would sure embarrass herWhen I came in from workin' late'Cause I would knowThat she'd been sittin' there and cryin'Over some sad and silly late, late showAnd honey, I miss youAnd I'm bein' goodAnd I'd love to be with youIf only I couldShe wrecked the car and she was sadAnd so afraid that I'd be madBut what the heckThough I pretended hard to beGuess you could say she saw through meAnd hugged my neckI came home unexpectedlyAnd caught her cryin' needlesslyIn the middle of the dayAnd it was in the early SpringWhen flowers bloom and robins singShe went awayAnd honey, I miss youAnd I'm bein' goodAnd I'd love to be with youIf only I couldOne day while I was not at homeWhile she was there and all aloneThe angels cameNow all I have is memories of HoneyAnd I wake up nights and call her nameNow my life's an empty stageWhere Honey lived and Honey playedAnd love grew upAnd a small cloud passes overheadAnd cries down on the flower bedThat Honey lovedAnd see the tree how big it's grownBut friend it hasn't been too longIt wasn't bigAnd I laughed at her and she got mad 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Bobby Goldsboro. It's beautiful Kevin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Bobby Goldsborrow's song ~ it is a good one, Kevin. Thank you for the words.I think one of the best ways to help those of us who are grieving the loss of a soul mate is to write about it. I hope you will share your story HisBaby for we are here for you and I for one would like you to tell us your story.Annehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKAeeGnAYBo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 I agree Anne, I write here and in a journal and it does help. I hope you share your story with us HisBaby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 hisbaby,Please give us an update. A short synopsis of your story here would help others know what you're experiencing. Grief counseling yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisBaby Posted October 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Thank you all for your kind words... Just give me a little bit more time... I can't seem to start typing again to go back to that day...I am faltering...Sometimes I try to avoid thinking about it...It's just too much for me...the pain is crippling every cell in my body...Today is particularly harder... and tommorow will be even harder... today is exactly two months since we went together to that hospital.. we went inside together... today is exactly two months when everything went out of hand the moment we drove to and stepped in that hospital... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Take your time. only do what you feel able. You will always find a listening ear and a warm heart here and people who truly truly understand your grief. it is 9 weeks for me and I know the crippling pain you talk about. I wish you strength and love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 His Baby.......I am on Day 77 and actually don't feel bad for the first time.........I have a little jump in my step today, chores are ahead of schedule, even did some shopping....Angela visited me in my dreams again, nothing different, we were out somewhere, and acted as everything was normal......This journey will take time, and the grief bursts have there moments, but I feel comfortable now knowing there are Good days ahead....... good luck and hang in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisBaby Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I feel like I'm losing my mind... when I think about it... that my baby is gone.. That I lost him in the hospital, which was not supposed to happen, I feel like I'm going crazy... I cannot accept it... I just want to go back to that time in the hospital... I want to go back again.. I want to be in that moment again.. I want to go back to that 24 hours in the hospital and be able to touch him again and talk to him...I wanna go back to that time when he still nods at what I'm saying.. He was strong... He was strong... I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind...How can I lose him there.... I want to go back to that time badly... even just one more time... to rewind and be there with him... I'm gonna lose my mind... how can my baby be taken out of this world in just one flick of a finger... how can it be.. we didn't go there for him to pass... we went there for him to feel better... that's all.. how can they lose him. how can i lose him... I told him to just sleep so his body will be strong and we will go to recovery room that night... He nodded... I cannot take it... I cannot accept it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisBaby Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I just want to wake up from this.. I just want to wake up one day and he will be here, that this is all just a bad dream... that this is all just a bad joke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harleyquinn Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) I'm so sorry for your loss...There is nothing I know better than wanting to go back in time....Have you done any kind of grief counseling? Edited October 10, 2015 by Harleyquinn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 11, 2015 Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Kevin, I'm so glad for you. This is like a roller coaster, a relief on the days that are up, but not to be surprised on the days that turn downward. It's all in a progressive manner so not to be alarmed at all that we go through en route.HisBaby, I think we've all felt that way, how could we not? It's a hard thing to get used to, but little by little it begins to sink in and we eventually get better at adjusting and coping...it takes great effort and exhausts us sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 12, 2015 Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Kevin, you are doing brilliantly. HisBaby, as KayC says, we all have felt that way and often still do. You are suffering from severe shock and nothing makes sense anymore and why should it? I understand you feel like you are losing your mind. I always think grief is a lot like madness. It is 71 days for me and I still expect to see him in the kitchen and when my cell phone rings I think 'it's him'. I still cook for 3 instead of 2 and many other things. The moment he died the one person I wanted to tell was him. I wanted to be able to wake up his sleeping form and say 'you won't believe what has happened...you died' I wanted to hear him say ' No! I can't believe it! I am so sorry baba, I am here to hold you' How crazy is that?Time slowly lessens this particular 'crazy' as your body, mind, heart and soul begin to realise he has gone, but I am not sure that we ever 'Accept' it, we just learn to live with it simply because there is no choice. I wish you strength and love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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