They said it would be hard

[El]

I have not posted to this site yet. But I am truly glad that I fell a crossed it. My Fiancé Kyle lost his mother November 2014. I remember the day everything "changed". We were both working 3rd shift and Kyle's mother had already been in the hospital for lower bowel problems, but when I received a call at 5 am from Kyle's grandfather I felt my entire life shift. Kyle and I immediately went to the hospital where Lisa had been sedated and put on an air vent. After all of Lisa's troubles she left us. She left us and my 22yr old partner was a complete wreck, we did our best with the funeral arrangements and maintaining our day to day lives. Sense It has been so hard my partner aches all the time sometimes I don't even recognize him. I try so hard to keep the boat floating, Paying bills, resolving debt, scheduling doctor appointments, making all of the meals, cleaning, taking care of the animals, and picking up my intoxicated partner and cleaning barf stains from his clothes, my car, the couch, and me. It feels so overwhelming. I am not complaining but it is hard, so hard. We do have good days, moments, they are not like they used to be but it gave me hope. It wasn't until this past Friday when Kyle came home and Kyle really came home. His eyes were not heavy, his skin was not grey, his tone of voice was no longer small. Kyle came home, That night we chased each other around the house laughing and playing like I had begun to think we may never do again. I loved and soaked up every moment of Kyle. Then to my surprise the next morning I did not wake up next to a man that had an internal battle of weather or not he should try to crawl out of bed or not, I woke up to a smiling set of eyes and a "You are so beautiful, do you know that? I love you." Another day with Kyle. That morning he helped me with my college math homework cleaned and danced around the house, went to a barbeque, played with his aunts uncles and cousins, we even walked around the mall and just talked. I was so relieved to see Kyle relaxing, at peace. Then we got home and I realized that I had a bridal shower to go to the following day an hour away, and I started to cry, sob. I quickly saw Kyle start to slip back into his depression, and I couldn't help but to think I was the blame. Kyle started to lecture me about my tears and how he didn't understand why I did not want to spend time with my friends "JUST STOP CRYING!". I tried to suck in the tears that had already left my eyes and I told Kyle, "I have missed you so much, and you are so happy", Kyle- "  I that pathetic, that you have to ration you time with me!?" "No, but I miss you so much and..." K-   "No I get it I am that miserable". I was so mad at myself as I stood in silence trying not to cry I   let his happiness slip right between my fingers. Several moments passed and Kyle, "old" Kyle looked up at me and said "I am so sorry, I had to deal with my mom dying, and you have to deal with me." " No Kyle I love you we are here for each other no matter what, but truthfully things do get hard" I tried my hardest but I let a tear roll down my cheek  K -" It's okay you can cry" I layed in my partners lap and I sobbed, it was the first time in almost a year that I felt like my partner even knew I was there, I felt so protected Kyle said to me "we are going to have more happy days I promise.". Monday rolls around and I see that he's trying but his pain is back, my few moments are in my heart and give me hope. But things are hard, so hard.

Elizabeth

[kayc]

Hi, welcome to this site.  I hope you will do some reading here about grief, for it affects people hard, and everyone differently.  We all have different coping styles, but even so, there are some commonalities.

You have been there for Kyle through thick and thin, and I hope things proceed well for the two of you.  Even so, I hope you realize that grief can be complicated and the journey long.  He will never stop missing his mom.  He will have good and bad days.  Anything can trigger him.  If he has trouble dealing with it, I hope he will seek grief counseling, but understand that no one can do his grief journey for him and no one can take away his pain and how he chooses to handle it is his alone to choose.

Wishing you well...