I'm completely numb

[Jay Pea]

New here. My beautiful husband passed away 26 days ago from lung cancer. He was sick for 2 and a half years. For the first couple of weeks I was crying...mostly getting swamped by overwhelming pain and loss. But for the last 10 days or so, I've just been numb. I haven't cried and I have all this sadness growing in me. When I think about him my mind will just click off. Same when start to tear up, I just completely shut down. 

I see a therapist who is trained in trauma and grief. She told me this numbness will pass and I will feel things again. Has anyone else had this reaction???

[debi.williams]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful husband Jay Pea. You have found the right place to share the rollercoaster of emotions that such an unspeakable loss brings. We all understand. I lost my husband 9 weeks ago to a sudden brain haemorrhage at the age of 49. The numbness you are experiencing is absolutely normal and is nature's way I believe of protecting you for some time, through the horrendous shock and pain of your loss. The grief is too much to 'take in' all at one time so we 'shut down' until little by little we have to acknowledge they are gone and then the really hard work starts. Please don't think what you are feeling is odd in any way or unnatural. Although your husband was sick for such a long time, and I can't imagine how awful that was for you both, the sheer physical loss of your beloved is too hard to bear all at once.

I shut down for the first 4-6 weeks and experienced all you are feeling. Now the numbness has worn of I can say that I was grateful for those feelings as it gave me some time  to slowly realise I wasn't going to see him on this earth again. When it passes the tears will come alas and they are necessary too. Please visit this forum whenever you can or feel able to and tell us how you are feeling. I cannot explain enough how it has helped and continues to help me through the darkest of times. The state of grief we are experience changes in intensity and extremes from (waves of sadness and weeping) through to near normality (good moments/days) and everyone is different, but I have found that for every emotion (hopelessness/anger/sadness/rawness etc) there is a kind soul on this forum to connect with. I wish you and all of us courage, strength and love.

[Jay Pea]

Thank you. It feels strange to be so disconnected. But I think you must be right, it's too much to bear just now.

[kayc]

Shock can cause numbness, which is the body's way of protecting us until we can better deal with it.  It will start to creep in little by little and the pain with it.  Don't be afraid to feel the pain, it is part of the healing process.

I am sorry for your loss but so glad you found this place, it is a caring place to be and it helps to be able to express yourself, all that you are feeling and going through with others that "get it" and understand.

[Harleyquinn]

i agree with everyone else. Although it can feel strange to be disconnected, your mind is protecting itself 

as the feelings really start setting in, this forum is so helpful for coming and expressing them. 

[Jay Pea]

I think the wall I've built around the grief is getting thinner.  It's been harder to look at his picture and I have been feeling more aware of his NOT being here.  This morning, one of the songs I chose at his memorial service is on repeat in my head. 

[Jay Pea]

Finally I had a good cry. Maybe the wall is breaking down.  What really did it?  Seeing his jeans with his belt still in it.  He has a pile of dirty clothes on the bedroom floor which I can't bring myself to pick up.  Tomorrow will be one month.

[MartyT]

My dear, you may find this article helpful: In Grief: Feeling Disconnected from Feeling Bad  ♥

[debi.williams]

Oh Jacki, I so understand seeing his clothes. that is a massive trigger. It has only been 1 month Jacki. That is not even a moment in the great scheme of your loss. Today for the first time 9 weeks later my son and I put his clothes that were in the clean laundry basket into his closet. I had seen them every day and couldn't bring myself to move them. I needed my son's help. I couldn't even bring myself to open his closet.  I held a shirt of his and sat and wept. 

As you say so eloquently, the wall of grief does get thinner. I am finding now it getting harder. I don't say this to discourage you in any way Jacki because I know it is part of the grief that is essential. The tears come more easily now as the numbness subsides. I feel as though I have come out of an anaesthetic and the results of the operation have left me in pain. It is good that you had a cry, tears are one of the few things that make you feel slightly easier after. I come onto this forum when I am feeling helpless and find it such a comfort. I hope you do to. I wish you all courage Jacki.

[kayc]

I never did clean my husband's clothes out of our camping trailer.  It sat here for nine years and my son's friend borrowed it on spur of the moment...it never made it's way back here.  My son & his wife needed it and I told them they could have it (they had sold their place and needed something to stay in until they could get into their new place).  Consequently, I never did clean it out so they had to do it.  There are things that have memories in there...not things I need, but things that I would have had a hard time letting go of, but it's time.