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some days it's a miracle that i've just managed to breathe...


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People think I'm joking when I say I can barely tie my shoelaces. It's no joke, it's how it is some days. 

A good day is getting shoes on the right feet. A very good day is when the laces are tied! 

Today was an ok day. Went for slip on shoes, and actually got them on the right feet first try. 

Sounds crazy but it's my life these days!

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Scottsgirl with you all the way. I couldn't chop an onion for a month actually if I'm honest I couldn't cook at all. Me and my son lived off food others had kindly cooked and cheese mostly. I remember my first day on the subway and the days after when I had to return to work about 5 weeks after. I walked so slowly because I thought I would break or fall. People seemed to be walking past me in slow motion and everything seemed so loud. 10 weeks on from his passing I still get that. I walk so much more slowly these days. My husband used to joke and how fast I used to walk he would say you are in 'top gear' not now I can barely make it out of neutral. I feel like I am holding my insides in, if that makes sense. Like my heart is going to fall out.

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Yesterday was tough...I went in late to work....didn't get much work done, I probably should have taken the full day...

I did force myself to the gym.....all my prior runs were 1-2 miles....yesterday I ran 3.10 (my first 5k!) ......running really helped sort things out in my head.....in fact when I wanted to stop I just thought about Michael and that gave me the push to finish

This morning however, my legs are killing me...but I'm ready to be back at work....

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i woke up this morning feeling....ok

came to work....thinking i could make it through the day

a few minutes ago, thinking about Michael, my chest tightened and suddenly it was hard to breathe again.... 

i never want to stop missing Michael...but I do wish the physical reactions would stop... 

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i never want to stop missing Michael...but I do wish the physical reactions would stop... 

You never will stop missing him, but our bodies and minds do eventually adjust, amazingly.

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