Going insane?

[Amily]

It's been exactly a week and I feel like I am going insane? 

The first day or two I was in shock and shaking and just completely numb 

And then I started creating this elaborate fantasy world and lying and exaggerating to a member of his family about some pretty heavy stuff. Insane stuff that would make my lost partner look pretty bad too. 

i think I was trying to make her see the pain she caused me by not letting me say goodbye or perhaps cause her pain similar to mine? 

I know my lost one would be so disappointed with me - I haven't been able to be strong enough to deal with this. I also harbour a lot of guilt about the course of our relationships.

I can't concentrate on anything and my mind is calmer than it was but then it goes back to racing

Can anybody help me with tips on how to deal with this? 

I just don't know how I am supposed to function 

[scba]

Dear Amily,

I'm sorry for your loss. It's really too soon to be able to think right, and it is your pain that is leading your emotions and behaviour. Try to be kind to yourself, drink a lot of water, sleep, eat, and take a shower. I don't know if you live alone or you have relatives/friends close to you. Try to reach them. Ask them to help you. I remember little of those first days. Take one hour at a time. 

 

[kayc]

Nope, not going insane, it's called grief!  I'm sorry you're having the response you are, time enough to apologize when you're up to it, but for now, try to be understanding of yourself, the same as your partner would be.  Grief can come out in peculiar ways!

You function one day at a time by staying in this moment and not taking on the rest of your life, by not worrying about more than what you absolutely have to deal with today.  You need someone supportive around you, do you have a friend or family member you could call to come over?  Try to have someone else be there with you as you make decisions, stuff about burial, service, finances, cleaning out partner's car, etc, get help with.

And make an appt. with a grief counselor when you have a chance.  I think I started seeing one at about two weeks out, not sure what's recommended, but whenever you feel you need it.

It'd be a good idea to make an appt. with your doctor too, I saw mine within a week of George's death, schedule plenty of time to talk to him, he might want to give you a low dose anti-anxiety or sleep aid if you need it.  Accept help wherever offered, ask for it if it isn't offered.  And keep coming here, it helps to let it all out.

[MartyT]

My dear, as I indicated to you in an earlier post, because you were kept away from your loved one at the end, your grief is both complicated and disenfranchised. Given how you are feeling now, I hope you will take Kay's advice and make an appointment with a professional grief counselor as soon as possible. You need and deserve a place to take your grief, in addition to the support and understanding you will continue to find with us here.