Painful mornings every day

[Kpl48]

Every morning since my husband died, my grief is so painful. I listen to the tv and try to sleep to dull my thoughts about Andre. I feel so empty and distressed. The day ahead is just another pain filled 24 hours that I live through some how. I feel like I can't go on like this. I cry most of the time. 

I feel so alone when I'm by myself. All I want is to have Andre back with me. I know this is physically impossible. He is dead. I ask Andre and God to help me. When I go out to be with friends I'm able to tuck the acute pain away. In the evening and at night I feel better; more hopeful. But morning always comes with its awful grief. 

Reading all your shares, I can so identify with your struggles to go through this grief. I'm so grateful I found this group. You are all so honest about your feelings. When I read your shares, I know there is hope for me. 

A friend is coming over to work with me for a few hours today. We will go through the last of the paper work in my house and through some stuff stored in my closets. I know I'll come up on things that will remove of my husband. I couldn't do this on my own at this time, but I want to clear out and organize my home. I trust her to go through this with me. I'm able to pay her for this help. And boy, do I need help! Of course we still have our friendship time together too. 

I read in another share that Butch is doing OK now. My prayers continue to go out to him and his family. And my prayers and love go out to all of you. 

 

[Harleyquinn]

nights are the hardest for me. after my mind calms itself from the day and i'm left to my own thoughts. 

I am not a morning person, so i wait until the last second until i have to get up and am usually so rushed i don't have time to think

[debi.williams]

I understand how you both feel. I find mornings very painful as I open my eyes and realise a another day lays ahead without my seeing him. I leave the house for work and seeing his car sitting there unmoved, where he left it. Normally I am getting in that car and he drives me to work. We chat and laugh and admire the flower display at the florists as we drive by. He kisses me and say 'I don't want to leave you babsy' and I say 'we have to part there is work to be done!' we kiss. Now it is just me on the tram alone going to work.

Coming home the same way knocks the breath out of me. I turn the corner and see his car, just as it was this morning. No life in it. I put the key in the door and he isn't there. Why would he be there? He would be right behind me having picked me up from work. The stress of the day's brave face hits me. the magical thinking that he may, just may, by some miracle be there dissipates and I weep. Every single day.

[Guest]

I also am having harder days since my husband died 4 1/2 months ago.  I always felt so strong in our marriage and now that he's gone I feel so lost and incapable.  I also am having more anxiety as time goes on, which is almost unbearable.  It's enough to have the sorrow and pain; the anxiety is almost like the last straw.  I'm hoping this all passes with time.  I go to support groups, a therapist and get out as much as I can, but like some of the other people in the posts above, I carry the pain and anxiety with me all the time......

[Margm]

The anxiety is the worse thing to me too Janice.  Strange, if we had divorced I would be strong for myself.  Now, I am a puddle of rubber bones.  Good luck to us all.  

[kayc]

Janice, I hope you've talked to a doctor and your therapist about your anxiety.  Did they give you any help for it?

Margaret, I know what you mean.  I always thought of myself as a really strong person that could handle anything.  I look back and laugh now because I was so ill prepared for his death and little had I know what it would reduce me to!

[kevin]

My day was planned out until I got a call from the Engraver....Angela's Funeral Urn was finally ready....this was a redo. I went down to the Shop and they gave me the Urn.....I had a difficult time holding my Emotions  together. When I got home I was pretty misty, spent time with the Ashes, transferring the Ashes, and sobbing...Had a couple of cool ones...It doesn't take more than a mention of my Angela to knock me right off my norm.....And I still think I'm doing fine.........On the lighter side, had to re book my Dogs Haircut and totally forgot my appointment at the bank.......

[kayc]

I'm glad you got the urn, that is a big thing to get through...I'm sure the bank will understand.