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Love and more love to you Marti. You are one of God's assistants. You have helped me - and 1000's walking this lonely path- more than you will ever know in this life on earth. God bless you and your family and have a wonderfiul ThanksgivingXXX

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One of the speakers at the Light Up A Life event spoke of f the importance of gratitude even as we face the future without those we love.

So on this day I am thankful that Deedo walked into my life so many years ago and that she chose me to love. 

I am grateful that it is me and not Deedo who had to endure this pain. It would hurt me to the core to see her suffer the way I am.

Additionally I am grateful for the many people ( yourselves included) who are helping me as I try to make sense of what my life is now. If it weren't for my family, my grief counselor, my various support groups, I can't imagine where I would be. And thank you Marti for providing us a place to open up and grieve without walls.

I am also very grateful for the countless people who gave so freely of themselves throughout the ordeal we went through from Deedo's diagnosis to her death. There are so many angels who share love and compassion daily and they made that journey much less scary and far more peaceful. 

My wish is that we all find a modicum of peace and acceptance. 

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Beautiful, Debi, thank you!!!

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Yes, today is surreal for me, yet I am so thankful for this group that listens, loves, and cares. I find even Christians misunderstand and misinterpret people going through grief.  Few people can fully comprehend what we face each day and night.  I am grateful for everyone in this group and I continue to count my many blessings. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Shalom

 

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Surreal is a perfect word.  I am grateful I have a home, am not destitute and those usual things.  But looking for true gratitude is tough.  This reminded me to thank all of you and especially Marty for this place.  Sometimes I think I spend too much time here, but it is the only place I can really be me except with my counselor.  And that is something big to be grateful for.   One tiny hitch tho.  That any of us have to be here at all.  But if we do, the company is fantastic!

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Dear Ones,

When I count my blessings, I find that what I value most in life are the treasures that are free: family, loved ones, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and my fellow travelers in life's journey: those who are finding their way through loss and inspiring me daily with their wisdom, courage and determination ~ all as valued as you are to me.

Wishing all of you life's dearest blessings on this Thanksgiving Day and always ~ Marty T

Happy-Thanksgiving.jpg

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And to you too, dear Marty!

And I'll re-try that link tomorrow...too tired tonight!

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George, I am one of those people who had no idea what Grief was until my Wifes passing....my first description was it was 10X worse than any pain I have ever been in contact with. Now ,understanding, this is going to be with me forever, at least I can know what to expect......But I sure cherish those Big Turkey Dinner memories with two tables going....Those were the days....Have a Good Holiday....

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Kevin, that's how I feel too. I'd hear about sad things and other peoples losses and imagined how they were coping. It would make me sad but true grief and experiencing it is beyond anything I ever had to before and it's awful and painful and lonely and knowing this is how it's going to be until I die makes it a million times worse. My loneliness is like a hot poker in the side. 

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Being alone all the time, esp. when you had had someone wonderful you shared all of life with, is something no one can appreciate until they've been there...and we wouldn't wish it on them just so they'd learn.

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Kevin, I, too, had no idea of real grief until I lost Steve.  I felt it about family members and friends.  But like the people around us, I could not come close to knowing what they were going thru.  I see that in the eyes of people I talk to now.  

Kay, I would never wish this on anyone either just so they understood what I am feeling.  I do have a new empathy for all the people I have and still share time with where I volunteer as most are the ones left behind.  I thought bring in a place with so many others would soften the blow, but when I now talk to them (being one of the ranks) I see the pain is forever there.  If there can be an 'advantage', it is that they are close to leaving this earth thenselves.  Many find comfort in that.  That they will soon leave this pain behind.  I know I feel that way, but odds are I have a much longer wait unless I get sick or in a fatal accident.  

So we try and keep living.  I do by textbook definition.  Breathe, eat, sleep.  But it is really just existing now.  Passing time as best I can without purpose or goals or looking forward to new memories.  They are being created by existing, but not being able to share or make them without Steve, they ring hollow.   

I'm not saying anything new here that we have said.  Sometimes you just have to again to remind yourself this is such a huge thing because my mind will try and trip me up saying.....its been over a year now.  Haven't you gotten a grip yet?  if I didn't need my brain to live, I would really like to wring its neck!

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2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 we try and keep living.  I do by textbook definition.  Breathe, eat, sleep.  But it is really just existing now.  Passing time as best I can without purpose or goals or looking forward to new memories.  They are being created by existing, but not being able to share or make them without Steve, they ring hollow.   

 

 

this! So true. I really hate no new memories and not being able to share anything with my sister, not being able to just call and gripe about something. Sometimes it really feels as if I'm going mad with the need to talk to her. I hate this so much! 

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Gwenivere,

When my mom's dementia got more advanced, it seemed in a way she did better...I once quipped that brains are overrated.  She forgot much of her paranoia that had plagued her all her life.  With some their anxiety is forgotten.  I had to smile when you said "If I didn't need my brain to live, I would really like to wring its neck!"  My mind can race, esp. in the middle of the night, sometimes I'd like to just remove and and set it aside and sleep!

When you hear a voice in your head telling you"Haven't you got a grip yet?"  tell it apparently not and that's okay.  This is going to take much time.  Give yourself the gift of patience and understanding, the same as you would to a friend going through this.  We are no less deserving than our friends and need our own understanding.

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Thanks, Kay, for the reminder that we would surely extend to someone else everything they needed to get thru their sadness, yet we often don't do that for ourselves.  The racing mind I hate the most.  I find letting it do that wears it down.  Others I forget and fight it and therein create more anxiety.  I don't even want to think about dementia having watched Steve experience it.  I was here to monitor it.  Being alone it is a scary thing to think about.  

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Even though my mom had dementia, I don't really worry about getting it.  One thing I've noticed is, people with dementia are other people's responsibility since they CAN'T take care of themselves and after a while they lose the ability to worry and they stay in the moment better.  In the beginning they can have anxiety but then even that begins to slip away.  I hear you about the anxiety, I have it too, esp. in the middle of the night.

 

Debi, holding you in my prayers as I read about Brussels in the newspaper...

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Guest Janka
22 hours ago, kayc said:

I hear you about the anxiety, I have it too, esp. in the middle of the night.

Kayc,

I know the anxiety too...after my beloved Jan had died...since I knew what it is...from the beginning till now...the hardest are mornings when I wake up...the time between night and day...This is a problem I have to cope with...on and on...by now.

Send you my sincere hugs!

Janka

SpreadLove.gif

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