Guilty because I am still living

[Guest sad_sister]

My brother passed away almost 2 months back and this is the first time I am writing anything anywhere regarding the same. I still cannot digest the fact he's not there anymore. I have not cried properly even once since the day he went away. I go to the office everyday, laugh on jokes, go out at times, eat out and talk normally to people around me. I feel so damn guilty about doing any of these things. It feels as if nothing has changed for me, everything is going as it was before that unfortunate day and he no longer exists in this world. His life stopped that very day. We were so damn close but still it has not affected my life so much. It is killing me from inside but I am not able to do anything about it.

[kayc]

You say it has not affected your life so much, yet you were close, so it has affected you, but because he wasn't part of your everyday life (didn't live with him, interact with him every day, weren't interdependent) it's easier to shove it out of your mind like it hasn't happened.  You're probably still in the shock/denial mode.

Have you considered attending a grief support group?  It might help to be able to listen and talk to others going through the same thing.

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Was this an unexpected death?  

It's common to feel survivor's guilt when losing someone you love.  A lot of times people wonder why they're still here and the other person isn't...or feel guilty for smiling or enjoying life when they feel they should be sad.  The truth is, it's not good to feel sad all the time, we are still alive and need to go on living.  That doesn't mean we don't miss them or feel sad at times knowing we can't see or talk to them anymore.  In the beginning it can seem surreal.